When you really want to work but can't 😭

[SweatyyBettyy]

I have crohnic pelvic pain following a hysterectomy, osteoarthritis in my knees and adhd. I have bowel and bladder issues/incontinence.
I miss the old me and would give anything for a boring job and a boring life 🥹

I'm so sorry. Yes i agree boring and mundane is wonderful.

Bizzarely I have just tried on some sweaty betty shorts haha

It's horrible, isn't it? I miss the old me. I don't have a physical issue, I have severe agoraphobia and can barely leave my flat.

I want to work, take the kids out, do my food shop in the actual supermarket.

I used to work and I completed half a degree when this hit me....and I've been bored stupid ever since.....and it's been 20 years now. I've had so much therapy that they can't offer me any more. I know what I have to do, but am too terrified to do it. I get so far, then have a huge panic attack and this sends me backwards.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But it's also comforting to know I'm not alone.

Me too I was given ill health retirement aged 38 from a professional job but i'd take the most mundane job if it meant I could work. To not rely on benefits to top up my tiny pension (and worry about them being stopped or yet again reduced). To not have the worry that when dc become 18 I'm going to have to sell and then not be able to house them. To have some mental stimulation, human contact, even just to discuss some tv programme I'm not interested in (just so I'm communicating with someone). For someone to see me as a person, not just a burden on society.

I'm so sorry you are struggling too 🥹 Sending love to you both xx People don't realise the extent of how it affects us. I worry about money all the time 😭 I've been declined for PIP and am waiting tribunal. It is not a life any of us choose.

I can't work at the moment, vulvodynia, unpredictable and frequent migraines that no longer respond to triptans with a years wait for a referral and also a knackered hamstring that has been going on for 18 months. It's not so much that I'm too ill to do any work at all but I have a lot of days feeling ill and/or in pain and lots of medical appointments where I don't have any control over the timings and that are frequently cancelled so I can't do fixed hours. I wish I was well enough to even work part time but the migraines prevent it and I am desperately praying that resuming HRT will banish them as it did previously (but it makes my vulvodynia worse) or that menopause will.

I am financially dependent on my husband but I suppose I am lucky that he can afford to support me as I wouldn't qualify for benefits. I've been doing zero/flexible hours self employed AI stuff working from home but just been let go from 2 companies. I'm quite depressed but I'm not as badly off as others.

I'm sorry you are struggling OP. I'm unsure if you are seeking advice on jobs you might be able to do from home/fit around illness or just sharing your predicament?

Sorry to read this OP.
Were some of those issues caused the hysterectomy?

Just wanted to send some solidarity and empathy. I’ve got leiomysarcoma cancer and going through the ill health retirement process. Not what I envisaged, but here we are; no choice in the matter.

Can you wfh for a few hours a week? Or volunteer for a local organisation which interests you ?

Hugs 🤗

people definitely take for granted having a job and being able to work. Sorry you're having a rough time.

Meant caused by the hysterectomy.

Oh I understand, it’s shit isn’t it? I’m one of those people who loved my job too, every day was interesting and exciting if stressful! I’d love a work coach on UC to find me a suitable employer as they’re always on about getting people back into work. As well as physical (ambulatory wheelchair user)and quite severe cognitive disabilities I have uncontrolled epilepsy and waiting for brain surgery. No employer is going to hire someone who can’t turn up 2 days out of 5 randomly and other days be unable to speak properly or type! Plus the. Months I’d need off post op and uncertainty about what I’ll lose.If I could get a job with a certain amount of simple admin to be completed within a time period of say a month I could probably do it,but who wants someone like me when there are intelligent hard working graduates etc desperate for jobs too?

Sorry I can’t scroll back up to see who said about studying but has anyone else tried this? I started uni, who were great with disability support, even a personal PA provided, before I deteriorated and had to leave but I loved it while it lasted. Felt I was achieving something and loved thr hard work. I some times do short online courses but as I don’t retain the information. It all feels a bit pointless. My unpredictability fucks me off so much.

it is depressing as hell isn’t it. I’d love something in my life with targets, does anyone have ideas or advice we could all share?

My advice to myself and perhaps you posters will understand, is to be realistic and not keep setting goals I can’t achieve. I need to know how to accept what I can’t do and focus on what I can do, but there feels so little I can do. I do manage usually to order an online weekly food shop which make me happy. I also feel like a burden on my family but thays a whole different thread!

So true. When you suddenly find yourself unable to work, it’s a real shock to the system.

Just joining this group as having to give up a career I have worked so hard for. It's definitely a new chapter in my life. Trying to reframe things as a new opportunity, but it doesn't feel like it.

I totally agree with this. I’m lucky in that for most of my life I’ve been able to work but in my late twenties I had a three month period where I couldn’t due to illness (bladder issue and extreme fatigue following a regular virus - like long Covid but this was decades before Covid). My workplace were amazing at the time but I’ve never been so utterly miserable.
Theres an inequality problem in this country but the biggest gulf is between the sick and the well.

Big hugs to everyone here who is struggling.

I think this is good advice. If setting goals that are unachievable it makes people frustrated and miserable on top of their illness. To focus on one task you can achieve eg ordering online shop is good because then once you completed it you can take the win. The little short courses online are good too as you can do a bit leave it, then go back another day to do a bit more as and when you feel up to it. They don't seem to have time limits on them.

I really appreciate your supportive message. I'm so sorry to hear you have cancer. How are you doing?
I am considering a voluntary job 😊
Hugs back xx

I resonate with a lot of what you are saying. I feel useless and get angry with myself that I should just push through and work. I did for 3 years and I think something inside me just broke.
I would do anything to have a job that was adapted to my illness. I think lots of us would. All I do is worry about money and feel a drain. It is so, so tough!

Thanks for all of your advice and support. I had an awful week last week painwise so wasn't online.
Online courses are a good idea. I just need to know that I will eventually get back to work.
What I wouldn't give for a boring life and boring job 🙏

@SweatyyBettyy I totally hear you and feel the same. Are you going to go to tribunal to help you with your pip claim? Maybe CAB can support you? It’s all ridiculously draining isn’t it? I’m sorry last week was a bad week, pain wise.

@Enigma54 Thank you. I am going to tribunal. As I am ND I am accessing an advocate, who is supporting me. I wouldn't wish this on anyone 😢

It’s tough I know. Make sure you do have a good advocate who can represent you. Best wishes.