Anyone with experience of CFS

[Ophy83]

I have a dear friend who has been suffering with CFS and pain for over a decade now. Things are particularly bad right now to the extent she has had to move back with her parents.

She's the other side of the country. I'd like to send her something but I don't know what or whether it's a good idea. I dont want to send her anything that will just be a burden e.g. flowers that need putting in water or a book that needs reading. I think she may be struggling with food..

If anyone has any suggestions I'd be very grateful

A lovely card with some understanding heartfelt message would be enough.
Flowers are an exhausting chore, so it sounds like you have a good understanding.
A cosy throw, comfy pillow or something comforting like a microwaveable heat pad, or even a message mug so she knows you are thinking of her when she’s having a cuppa? A relaxing candle? Depends what she’s into really, but you sound like a lovely friend.

Maybe some nice chocolate and a scented candle? I liked having nice smells around me when I was at my worst with CFS, feels like a nice luxury without having to actually DO anything.

Honestly it can be a really isolating illness as you don’t always have energy to reply to texts, aren’t going out etc so just being her friend and still being there will count for a lot

Thats really nice of you. I've had cfs for 11 years and I'd love to know my friends are thinking of me (most have drifted off). Just a card would be lovely knowing your thinking of her. Your right anything that makes work for me (or my dc when I can't do it) is not useful. The things that I would find useful are a drinks bottle, a lightweight blanket for the summer, moisturiser (but mine need to be fragrance free as seem to be sensitive to everything), a favourite drink (when I'm struggling to eat drinking sparkling flavoured water settles my stomach). But honestly just some contact to know I'm not alone would make me feel better. But make sure she understands you don't need her to reply. I often feel obliged to reply or feel guilty I haven't had the ability to reply in a timely fashion.

Your friendship eg. A card, voice note (screens can be hard). She might not manage a reply straight away.

Thank you all for your suggestions, some lovely ideas here x

Do you have any projects on the go where you can send a few snapshots? From a piece of knitting to a kitchen makeover....just to share what is going on in your life. I find looking at still pictures more restful than watching a piece of video.

I am sorry your friend is not doing well. It's a shit illness.

I agree with this. It's such an awful, lonely, and isolating illness. Just knowing someone is thinking of me would be lovely. Unfortunately, most people just drop off the face of the earth. You're a good friend.

I’ve had CFS for nearly 25 years now.

Some suggestions:

Comfy socks for at home, especially with grippy dots on the bottom so it’s less slippery to walk around.

A light comfy blanket to keep warm under or snuggle into.

A wheat pack to warm sore body parts. Avoid fragranced ones unless you’re sure she’s okay with fragrances. Personally I hate how they’re so often lavender scented.

A pack of her favourite tea bags and a note about missing her and to think of it as catching up together when she has a cup.

An online digital gift card for a shop that she likes and you know that she shops at.

An insulated drink bottle or non-spill travel mug. They’re usually good for both cold and hot drinks. That will allow her to get comfy with a drink and be able to drink it at her leisure while it stays cold or hot. Resealable like a drink bottle or non-spill like a travel mug means that she can seal it up and keep it next to her while staying comfy instead of having to lean forward to find a safe spot to rest her drink. Don’t get a massive 1.2L Stanley cup. They’re heavy when they’re empty. They’d be too heavy when full. Plus the straw means that they’re not non-spill. I’d stick to 500-700mL for a bottle or 300-400mL for a travel mug. A feature I love in drink bottles is an opening big enough to fit ordinary ice cubes through to make sure the drink is cold. Make sure it’s easy to wash with no complicated valves to pull apart that might easily grow mould. If she’s sensitive to taste she might not like stainless steel because it can make drinks taste metallic. Ceramic coated bottles are meant to be far more neutral tasting.