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Chronic pain

“So lucky I don’t need to work full-time!”

6 replies

Astridastro · 19/08/2023 15:45

So I’ve had to cut my working days from 5 to 3 not through choice but because I simply cannot cope physically or mentally, I work in a school so it’s never 9-3 more like 8.30-4pm then I’m home needing a nap as I’m falling asleep too tired to eat dinner, wake up and about 8pm-10.30pm I’m doing prep. Friday nights and Saturdays are spent sleeping then Sunday is prep for the week.

I have fibromyalgia and other health conditions and am going through the menopause. Management know about the menopause but not the extent of my fibromyalgia, I also have a daughter with mental health conditions. Due to all of this I was forced to cut my days, to see if I could manage 3. I’ve been given a lesser role and have had so many little comments about not having a real job now. Most of them I brush now or agree with just laugh along with. Even the person I’m closest with said something about me being “lucky” enough to not be in until Wednesday.

Im scared to say I have fibromyalgia as people could say I’m unfit to do my job properly even in the three days that’s why I’ve kept it a secret for 6 years. Although no one’s has ever said anything about me not doing my job properly in the past. I would say I’m very good at my job to the detriment of my family life and my health.

Im just fed up with all these comments no one has actually asked me why I have dropped days I would tell them then but they seem to think it’s ok to tell me I’m lucky that I can afford it etc.

sorry I’m ranting I’m having a very high pain day on top of little sleep last night and a period that had returned 2 weeks after the last one finished that lasted 2 weeks.

OP posts:
Plonkdropdown · 19/08/2023 17:20

I hear you. 💐

Holly60 · 19/08/2023 17:26

I think to be fair if you've not specifically explained that you've dropped days because of health condition, people will just assume that you are lucky enough to be able to afford to work less.

Most people, even without a long term health condition, would probably prefer to work less. They see that this is what you are doing, and think you are lucky.

I think in some ways you need to not assume that other people are finding working full time easy, just because they don't have the specific difficulties you do.

There might be all sorts of reasons why your colleagues would also like to work less, but if they aren't able to, they may think you are lucky to be able to drop hours.

Maybe try saying 'yes I am lucky I'm able to drop the hours, but to be honest it was getting totally unmanageable because of my fibromyalgia'.

SlippySarah · 19/08/2023 17:26

People don't mean to upset you with these comments. It's rude to probe as to why a colleague isn't working or to ask about health issues so they are just making small talk/making light of it. If you want them to understand your situation you need to tell them otherwise they'll assume other things. Sorry you are going through this.

Astridastro · 20/08/2023 09:17

Thanks I was having a very tough day yesterday coupled with all those comments the day before I was really down. There is people I’ve mentioned I have fibromyalgia to maybe they haven’t heard of it/don’t understand it. A lot of people know about what my poor DD has went through as well. I was just a bit fed up with the “what actually are you doing?” And lovely questions like that?

I think I’m just angry and sad that this illness has forced me to effectively give up my career now I know I’m definitely not alone ❤️

OP posts:
Mumteedum · 20/08/2023 09:44

You're not alone. But I would consider telling people. I have mecfs. I am fairly open about it because I can't do what I used to do. I used to be very high energy and work long hours to get things done well. I also can't do extra hours on weekends anymore so my line manager had to know. There's still ongoing stuff with HR which stressed me buty managers have been ok.

I'm scared of having to drop hours financially as I don't have a partner, so I have so far managed by working my actual hours and doing things more flexibly. Shocking when I look back actually at all the extra hours I did for nothing.

Comments are bound to get to you. Even when several colleagues know I have ME, I still get the "yeah, I'm exhausted too' remarks 🙈

I've found Facebook support group really helpful. Have you got any support from people who understand?

Oblomov23 · 20/08/2023 10:13

Why don't you speak to your manager and tell then the truth?

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