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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Inequality in present-buying

22 replies

echt · 20/12/2009 06:23

This happens all the time. DD gets one present in the names of two children, male and female, quite widely-spaced in age. This happens every birthday and Christmas, but we/she must respond with separate, and therefore more expensive ones.

Any solutions or does she have to, as they say, suck it up?

OP posts:

Mausilein · 20/12/2009 06:49

why does your DD get one present in 2 names? and why must she buy 2 back?

it doesn't seem fair on your DD to have to do it this way.

QandA · 20/12/2009 06:49

That's just the way it is though isn't it? The childrens' parents are not going to buy your DD two presents. I have got friends with 3/4 DC and I have one, I wouldn't expect them to buy 3/4 presents for my DS.

If you can't afford two larger presents just get two smaller ones.

dilbertina · 20/12/2009 07:13

Have more children, that'll show them.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 20/12/2009 07:36

DO you mean one present from 2 siblings?

Well unless she is good friends with each of them individually and they are old enough to buy present or care about such things then YABU.

Generally, one family, one present.

NancyDrewRocks · 20/12/2009 07:58

Agree with Dilbertina Just the way it is.

nooka · 20/12/2009 08:03

I don't think there is anything wrong with giving them two small presents, or a present between them, or indeed a present to the family, assuming this is a family friend.

Ladymuck · 20/12/2009 08:16

Have another child and that will even it up?

It isn't really about your dd though is it? Wouldn't you have bought for these children anyway?

NightShoe · 20/12/2009 08:21

If you want to be that mercenary, then why don't you just exchange £10 cash, or better still just not bother?

This really is not in the spirit of gift giving, I would hope you bought them christmas presents because you like them and want to do someone nice for them, not to get a present for your DD, because if that is the case, you might as well just buy her something yourself.

lissieyuletide · 20/12/2009 08:53

I agree, not in the spirit at all! if you feel that strongly about it then buy one present between all. whatever happened to giving for joy not to receive?

NoahAndTheWhale · 20/12/2009 08:57

Of course they give one present and you give two.

There are two children in their family and one in yours. It's just how it is. Give each child a smaller present if you want.

Rainbowinthesky · 20/12/2009 08:57

It is life I'm afraid and happens all the time. If I am giving to a family I tend to buy a large box of chocolates and a bottle of wine so it's for all of them. Usually get similar back. Too much to start giving individually for each person.
Can you not give them a board game or the like as a joint present?

Skegness · 20/12/2009 09:22

Wot everyone else said!

Original poster

echt · 20/12/2009 20:35

Well, I can see the general opinion is that I'm being a bit beady-eyed here. I hadn't though I was being mercenary, though, just a bit [hmmm] that the expectation is that the other kids are individuals for their birthdays, but they are like the Borg when it comes to other way around.

Anyway, another child is out of the question as am too old, and bottles/chocs also as am posting from Oz.

Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:

HohohoBumperlicious · 20/12/2009 20:55

I don't really understand. Who are the presents coming from? Friends? Friends who are siblings? Surely it's just presents between friends not presents for all siblings unless they are family friends then surely you buy them presents from the family?

Original poster

echt · 20/12/2009 21:05

The presents come the children, whether it's birthday or Christmas. DD always gets a single present, at Christmas and birthday in the names of both children. The expectation, and reality, because of the difference in age and sex, is that the siblings get separate gifts.

I suppose the confusion has arisen because I've posted this on the Christmas thread rather than the AIBU; it's been going on for years now, and perhaps it would be better to send family gifts at Christmas.

OP posts:

lilolilmanchester · 20/12/2009 21:10

Either carry on buying for their 2 vs your 1 and get over it OR

suggest to their parents, that as you never know quite what their children want, that they buy something from you for their DCs, and you buy something from them for your DD? Not exactly in the spirit of exchanging presents, but puts the onus of buying for 2 on to them and they can decide how to sort it?

HohohoBumperlicious · 20/12/2009 21:12

But is this family? Cousins etc.? Then surely you are buying the presents not your DD. If your DD is of an age to buy presents then surely it is just the ones she is closest to or people she is friends with, otherwise don't the presents come from you as a family?

If this is friends of hers then why would she buy presents for their siblings. I just don't really understand the problem. If you are buying the presents then it is not really other people's fault you have only one child and they have more. Just buy smaller gifts.

Original poster

echt · 20/12/2009 21:14

Thanks again for the suggestions.

OP posts:

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 20/12/2009 21:30

Just te way it is. I have to spen twice as much on my SIL's kids as she spends on my DD. sShe ha 2 kids, I have one. Doesn't bother me.

Hulababy · 20/12/2009 21:34

I assuming the children in question are siblings/related, but you have an only.

YABU - and I know this isn't in AIBU, but I do think you are being unreasonable here.

My DD is an only child. Most of ur friends have more than one.

I would never expect DD to get a gift from both siblings. I would also not expect DD to recieve a more expensive gift to "make up for me buying two" for them.

llynnnn · 20/12/2009 23:05

i usually have a budget for a family as a whole, if they then go onto to have more children that budget stays the same and each present just gets that little bit cheaper!

BabyValentine · 21/12/2009 21:26

I would never expect my children to receive separate gifts from siblings, nor would I buy separate gifts for each of my children to give IYSWIM - that is just silly. If it bothers you, and it obviously does, buy cheaper gifts (or p'haps a joint/family gift at Christmas).

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