I wish to BAH HUMBUG it up because I don't enjoy xmas day - xmas lovers stay away!

[MadameDuBain]

Just a moan and I do know my woes are trivial, but I find this time of year so stressful and it's really because I don't like xmas day.

I do love christmassiness in general, the tree, sparkly lights, making mince pies, winter markets and all that.

But by tradition we have ended up always inviting a certain group of people who I find hard work in various ways (daren't go into details! but basically there is awkwardness and resentment seething under a surface of overbearing niceness and it does my nut in) and spend the day feeling wound up. I like xmas food, but I can't stand the pressure for it all to be so wonderful and enjoyable for everyone. I love getting DS a stocking and seeing him get presents (and of course enthuse for his sake) but I hate sitting round opening presents I don't really want and having to fake gratefulness. I wish adults didn't do presents at all (well apart from DP!). I did try suggesting toning it down to my mum this year but she has got totally the wrong end of the stick and thought I meant don't give DS a nice present, and I feel awful (will have to sort it out, plucking up courage).

The thing is I don't care, I don't feel that christmas ought to be the happiest day of the year, I accept it's not going to be and I just have to grit my teeth - so why do I dread it?

I do realise my moans are self-indulgent crap and a lot of people have it far worse but I am here as a listening ear if anyone would like to indulge their own xmas day whinge-fest.

Fuck tradition.

Tell them all that you are cutting back this Christmas and so are having a quiet Christmas at home with your dh and ds.

They can come a different day.

I don't entertain on Christmas day. We visit relations. But I like to have my family to myself for that one day.

Sounds like you are spending time with too many people. I wouldn't enjoy that set-up either. I was watching the repeat of Gavin & Stacy xmas special recently and it was cringe-worthy watching all the adults open their pressies one by one and yet from reading threads on here it seems that this is pretty normal.

We have a relaxed day, just the three of us for the majority of the day. Inlaws come round for about an hour for a cup of tea and to exchange pressies. I couldn't bear anything more formal.

On contrast, for the first time ever, I will be on my own with my 2 girls this year. DS(17) will be at his GFs family, my DH is working a 12hr shift and my mum has made it clear she will NOT be joining us this year, for her own reasons, I am sure.

I am in 2 minds about being the only adult on christmas day but I am sure my girls will keep me occupied helping them with their pressies and organising their pared down christmas dinner!

It's actually not a great number of people - 3 max (not including me, DP and DS). But the problem is DP does like having people round and thinks it wouldn't be as much fun with just us. (He doesn't feel the awkwardness like i do, it doesn't involve any of his rellies, but does involve one of his friends, and he's more happy-go-lucky. Years back when we did spend it with his family a couple of times he nearly had a breakdown of course )

Add to that that although I realise I should be more assertive, I would find it very difficult not to invite certain persons (essentially meaning leaving them on their own) - so I just tend to cave rather than insist on it just being us - because DP would wonder why I was being such a killjoy and the burden of guilt would be horrible. Also it is definitely exciting for DS to have visitors.

Well then ask them to buy only for your ds, not for adults. Explain that you feel Christmas is for children and you are cutting back yourselves.

If they insist on buying anything, ask them to bring a bottle of plonk instead.

You're right rhubarb, I should have spelt it out more clearly but my mum is notorious for completely missing the point.

Fruity, I think your day will be lovely. I would actually love it if I had to work xmas day, it would remove the pressure of the day itself IYSWIM. If it weren't for DS I'd be happy to miss it.

Maybe it is because I find my family difficult and always have... I really like those films where everyone comes for christmas and they actually like each other and enjoy it. I think I actually would love that but it's never going to happen!

Well we all have some of that to deal with over Christmas.
My mum has bought my 5yo ds and my 9yo dd those Oxfam gifts. He got a piglet and she got school writing set.

I like those and have bought them myself, but from their grandma at Christmas?

Last year she decided not to buy for the children at all but just the adults - wtf?

I'll be going to see her, duty and all that. We'll be sat on the sofa whilst her husband gives me filthy looks and talks to everyone but me. We won't be offered a drink and will spend just an hour before I insist we leave.

But she can never say that I don't try. The children will realise what kind of a person she is soon enough.

We also have other family members who expect us to visit them all individually even though we've driven 200 miles to see them.

This year I've said we've 3 days to see everyone, if they want to see us they know where we are. We ain't driving around to see them all.

Ah that's the spirit rhuby!

Agree about the presents. There isn't much I want and if there is I can get it for myself. I just find it a bit awkward opening presents that I suspect I won't want. But apart from that I do enjoy the day.