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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

"Oh I wish it could be Christmas, every DAY, with the brass bands playing dum de dum dum etc".. Written by a MAN.

22 replies

gaussgirl · 25/12/2008 18:18

I feel like a woman who has completed an Olympic marathon. The man who wrote that must die. DH sat on the sofa. I RAN. I PERFORMED. I TRIUMPHED. Mummy pulls it off. Again.

WHY do we do this to ourselves?

OP posts:

SnowMuchToBits · 25/12/2008 18:25

I'm very lucky this year, I'm staying with my sister who is doing a lot of this stuff. I have helped (with washing up etc, and so has my (female)friend) but my dh, my other sister and her dh, and my sister's partner haven't done too much yet..........

Stil love Christmas though, even if I do mostof it...

Hulababy · 25/12/2008 18:27

That's why we have Christmas Day at home, just the three of us. the one day in the year that is just for us, to relax, to be together and to do what we want, when we want. So no rshing about, etc. I did make yummy dinner and dessert - but in my own time and hwow i like it.

Lovely

Dropdeadfred · 25/12/2008 19:18

i cooked christmas dinner for 9 people.....no help asked for , none needed either...had a great time doing it...what's the hassle really???

Gorionine · 25/12/2008 19:21

I used to love being "confined" to cleaning dishes with my aunties. There was certainly more giggle comming out of the kitchen than the dining room!

Dropdeadfred · 25/12/2008 19:24

seriously though...i was popping in and out of the dining room and conservatory...people came in and out for chats andto make drinks...dh came in for a kiss and cudle every now and then...dinner was gorgeous and no stress at all....hardly noticed i was doing it all....

blossomsmine · 25/12/2008 23:16

I cooked for twenty people, dh was supposed to help............he didn't. He stood in the kitchen and looked so confused he just couldn't help at all He was also abit grumpy. He didn't write one card this year, or go on one shopping trip (for presents) he didn't wrap one present either I am abit fed up with him actually. He didn't even say thanks or show any appreciation.

RebeccaX · 25/12/2008 23:22

Some women just like playing the matyr. Dumb if you ask me but they feel validated if they're serving the menfolk and children and then whinging about it

rolereversal · 25/12/2008 23:32

without women christmas wouldnt happen though, my dh thinks the bloody elves do most of it i think. Its not the cooking on the day, thats fine, and quite good fun, its all the planning, shopping, worrying, card writing, present wrapping, events attending shit before hand that gets me down

SparklyGothKat · 26/12/2008 00:36

I don't cook on xmas day, its the one day of the year I do not have to cook (Dh does cook the rest of the year, but xmas day I do not ever) Dh and FIl cooked a lovely xmas dinner today while I sat watching a film with the kids

expatinscotland · 26/12/2008 00:39

i cook on Xmas day, which is now OVER.

i play and read music on Boxing Day, which is now.

i played piano first, now i play accoustic guitar. if someone will show me, i'll play fiddle, too.

i will change ballads to a key i can sing, too, which is 2nd soprano, 1st alto.

i am currently teaching myself Gaelic so i can sing that, too, and play for myself on the guitar and my daughters, too.

and i sing to my son as i have always.

blossomsmine · 26/12/2008 22:54

Rebecca, i took your comment as a reference to my last post Just for the record, i do NOT like playing the matyr, i did not whinge (i mentioned it to you lot on here, thats all) I had no choice about cooking for that many. I actually like all the shopping, wrapping etc., etc., i just would have liked some help from him. Also he was rather rude to me during the day and didn't make one kind comment regarding the day at all, that hurt abit. I have tried over the last few years to get him to help more, but he is like a lazy teenager in that respect. The only think i could do is leave him i suppose, but with three kids and a mortgage i don't want to. OK!!

starbear · 26/12/2008 23:22

gaussgirl, What would you do different next year so you don't feel this way? I love cooking. I wish I made a little more effort just for me. I didn't look at the recipe for bread sauce until Xmas afternoon and didn't have dry bread. I agreed with DH not to lay the table until just before eating and now I wish I had a centre piece. I FORGOT THE CRACKERS AGAIN! (12 years running I could sell them on ebay soon as some kitch) I didn't have bits of Ivy wrapped around the napkins, or candles in the middle. I didn't make the trifle. Now did anyone else notice No. I wanted the bread sauce, centerpiece, crackers bits of ivy, candles and trifle. My DH just wanted a roast, some wine and Christmas pudding. I fell asleep on the sofa and DH brought in the Christmas Pudding which I said Thank you and ate even though I wanted Trifle!!!

blossomsmine · 27/12/2008 19:07

LOL! Starbear All the things you mentioned are the sort of things i would forget but would want to do! There just seem to be so many things to think about and remember at Christmas don't there! It is true though, people don't notice all the things you miss but to us it would be nice if we had remember them, if you get what i mean lol!

starbear · 27/12/2008 23:15

I'm going to bed now with Anthea Turners book of Perfect Christmas and dream. Must win the Lottery as well to afford it.

Coldtits · 27/12/2008 23:27

Actually, blossomsmine, although rebbecaX was rude in what she said, she was right. YOu DO have a choice. Nobody held a gun to your bloody head. Nobody MADE you do it. You looked at the alternative (a less festive Christmas, with fewer people and an easier meal) and you CHOSE.

If your husband doesn't help you, address the issue. Don't allow yourself to be trapped into a lifetime of domestic servitude then whine about never getting any help. If someone wanted a meal for 20 cooking in my house, they would be cooking it themselves or it would not be happening - and I am perfectly happy for it not to happen. Maybe your husband feels the same way.

blossomsmine · 28/12/2008 19:24

Thanks for your nice post coldtits Why are people so harsh on here sometimes! I did NOT whine, i mentioned it to people on here thats all. If you knew me at all you would know i NEVER whine lol!
Firstly, it was my dh's idea to cook for that many people, ok?? It was NOT cooked in my house, as you seem to have presumed. I was perfectly happy for us not to be asked to cook but dh offered as, long story, but several members of the family have or still are ill. DH thought it would be nice if we and i me we, me and him (!) cooked at a larger house for everyone. I was ok to do it but didn't think i would cope doing it alone, as it was dh's suggestion i went along with it. As i said in my original post, he then just stood in the kitchen not doing anything!! I could not then give up and leave it as noone else was capable of taking over and doing it!! I also mentioned a few other things he did during the day, i have re read my post and do not feel i was whinging at all just mentioning what happened thats all!
I couldn't let the others down when they had been offered a Christmas Dinner cooked by us, it was too late then, my only mistake was to believe dh when he said he would help. Does that make me a whiner??

LucyEllensmummy · 28/12/2008 20:09

I have come to the conclusion that its womens own fault that they end up doing the lions share at christmas, its all a case of delegation. Thats why, when i catered for HIS family, i did it bloody ALL! I sorted the house out, which was a shit hole and a half. I made sure all the shopping was got. I trawled the charity shops for champagne glasses and serving dishes. I then cooked xmas dinner for us and my mother, then i did the full shibang on boxing day.I ran around like a blue arsed fly and was so tired when everyone left that i didn't know which way was up.

I had moments where i felt resentful because DP did very little towards it. But then i thought hang on one goddam minute LEM: Here you are, planning your own party, emersing yourself in the kitchen and not being disturbed (as what DP DID do was keep DD occupied - massive brownie points). You wouldn't let him do anything anyway because you didn't trust him not to fuck it up. You preened like a fecking peacock when DP stood in the kitchen and said, Christ, i'm glad you have taken charge i just wouldnt know where to start. He didn't help much, because i just did it - it would have been very easy indeed to fall into the whole martyrdom routine, but as DP would have taken great pleasure in reminding me - it was MY idea! So when it all went swimmingly i basked in all the praise and fanned out my feathers with the ILs thanked HIM and he said, don't thank me LEM did it all. I just think that we do this (women) we just can't let go and we do it all - then, because we do it all, men quite happily sit back and let us. My DP was grateful though and did say he was proud of me, which was the best xmas present i had this year.

Maybe i am being unfair but men are just better off given simple instructions to follow, if you want them to help you have to not only ask for help (Can you help me please? Will usually be answered by "of course dear" while they stand their looking blank and then wander off). You have to say to them, can you do X please and can you do it NOW. Or is taht just because i am a control freak and DP knew better than to break my stride?

starbear · 28/12/2008 20:22

Dh has offered to make tea tomorrow and I can't think what I want to ask him to make. He laughing says I've de-skilled him in the kitchen. Its true, he happened to have survived 40 years without me why should I change things now! Because I'm a control freak and want plates rinsed out, clothes washed at the right temp, floor washed then rinsed etc. He can clean the house top to bottom but that would mean I would go back to work full-time I hate my job. So...

blossomsmine · 28/12/2008 21:41

LEM, my sister does, each year, exactly what you have just posted!! Her dh is also quite helpful as long as she states exactly what/when she wants something done lol! This year she has been very ill so couldn't do anything, i know she actually missed it all this year though!

Coldtits · 31/12/2008 08:43

I was NOT harsh.

You did have a choice, you just didn't feel able to take it. YOu could have walked out on the whole shebang. What do you think they'd have done -= starved to death? No. They would have pulled their fingers out and cooked some dinner. But you didn't walk out, you made the choice to see it through to the exhausting bitter end.

I'm sorry you haven't had the response from me that you wanted though.

lonevoiceinthedark · 31/12/2008 09:05

It's extremely hard work catering for a family over the holiday period. I am The Boss of everything in my family. Everyone does what I tell them when I tell them to do it (actually, this extends to every facet of our lives, and extends to every level of family).
And I love doing it.
When I did my fake Xmas dinner for 23 a week or so ago (do see photo on profile), I had dh help me with moving tables (like to do the setting myself), I had 2 BILs carve the meat, and I had 2 nieces taking serving plates from hatch to table.
Everyone else was told to stay out of my kitchen as "I cannot create unless I am alone".
I am so fucking lucky to have these people - and they know they are lucky to have me.

blossomsmine · 01/01/2009 00:42

I looked at your photo lonevoiceinthedark, it looks great far better than ours did lol!!! You seem to have it all under control

Coldtits, you know what, you obviously didn't read my op properly, when did i ever mention being exhausted? Also, why would i expect any response from you??? I only mentioned my experience of Christmas day as thats what this thread was about I just joined in with everyone else. With a smile on my face

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