Crap presents award goes too....

[needmorecoffee]

my MIL who bought her only child, my DH, some socks.

My sil gave me a low-fat cookbook a few years ago... not exactly Twiggy but I'm not morbidly obese either!

I read these out to dh hardly able to breathe through laughing.

My MIL gave me a packet of paper napkins

KATIESCARLETT - I just laughed so hard at the thought of a MNer in Lazytown!

finknottle - cheese markers

My MIL must a least get a mention, Xmas presents in past have included :

• Jane Fonda workout VHS video (this was in 2001!)
• Umbrella which was a lovely shiney tinfoil color
• A toothbrush ????????? (not even a fancy electric one, a normal one!)
• Earrings at least 3 times, even though she knows I dont have pierced ears
• The last (two years ago) was my favourite a "new" handbag (complete with burst lining, and bits of ooze and hair inside....................)

Have subtely agreed with her that it's best she just buys for her grandchild and not to bother getting me anything as she is a weirdo I am so difficult to buy for!

LunarSea - those are the ones. NOW I know why he gave them to me - the were in the sale! Oh, and I didn't read the labels before I posted so I guessed what cheeses they marked. I was so amazed on Christmas day that someone who has known me for nearly 50 years should think that I might need help distinguishing Stilton from Red Leicester that I read no further!

Torn between relief that he didn't spend any more on them, and a deep desire to wrest the really nice present I gave him back from his clutches and keep it.

A few years ago we invited our friends round for dinner a few days before Christmas to exchange presents. We had bought them lovely gifts (as we had done for several years before).

DH got a tiny terracotta plant pot with a 99p price ticket still attached and a packet of seeds. I got some Christmas cookie cutters. Not a terrible present I hear you cry except that my friend had borrowed the set I already have a couple of weeks before.

They also bought half a bottle of wine that they had opened the night before.

Since having DS I have received as gifts, from said (childless) friend, an apron; some fancy rubber gloves, some novelty pegs.

nice to know her view of me hasn't changed at all

SOmeone once gave me a sack of shit for my birthday (Literally - 1 bag of horse manure).

Cheese markers are worse than I imagined. Wtf? You go to a shop and buy cheese you cannot identify? Here is the solution...

Hols over here, gloom is engulfing, -14C outside, house full of crap shopping and crap washing after Christmas in UK and I am laughing my newt-ridden arse off.
Lunar Sea's pond-less pond pump trumps the cheese markers, I think.

The pond pump would trump the cheese markers IF it had been given by someone who had known her for nearly 50 years. In the circumstances, I still reckon the cheese markers win!

I once got a big bag of rubbish begged from preschool by ds(age 3) who had noticed that I liked throwing things away.

These are hilarious! My MIL just gives hard cash, but when DH and I were getting married she told us:
"Oh- X & Y down the road gave you in some lovely towels as a wedding present! (pause) I need some new towels, so I'm just keeping them, but mind and send them a nice thank you"

I hadn't known her all that long and I was speechless!

some of these are hilarious!!

but... some of them, I think well maybe the person giving it just doesn't have much money, and just wanted to give something? Its really hard to be in that position you know, I'm temporarily quite hard up due to being off work sick and hated not being able to give people lovely presents this year, and did give 2nd hand presents, but my family were nice about it (at least I hope they were!). next year when I'm (hopefully) better they will get doubly nice ones to make up for it...

PIL gave DH a torch. OK, a useful gift in theory, but they gave him one last year too...

Pedicure slippers, where the top zips off to reveal toe seperator flip flop type slippers. Dh got a pair for both me and dd. DD never does her toenails, and I only do mine once every 2 or 3 summers. Anyway, I had to wrap dd's pair (unaware that there was a pair for me too), so I asked my sister who was helping to do them, when she saw them she laughed so hard she was nearly sick. And every time any one mentioned slippers over Christmas she went off into gales of laughter again. Dh not too pleased. When Ds who is 6 saw them he goes 'OOH holiday slippers'.

dancing queen - I quite agree, although in my case said friends had considerably more money than us (I was on ML at the time) and spent the entire dinner telling us how much they were overpaying on their mortgage and how it was nearly paid off, implying that we really should do the same.

I'll take presents the back then love.

Am still laughing about the cheese markers:
"silver plated mice holding engraved signs" - def trumps the pump, you're right.

Beats the axe & cutlery my Ils gave h one year. Think the message was, "See, if you cut off a hand or foot with the axe, you can hold a knife or spoon between your teeth and tap out an SOS on your stump!"

Actually now I look at them properly, they aren't holding the signs - they are sitting on them. Next time the donors come to dinner, i am going to put them in all the wrong cheeses and see if their heads explode with the confusion of it all "The marker says Stilton, but the cheese looks like Red Leicester - does not compute does not compute does notcompuuuuuuuuuu BOOOOOOOM!"

my mil bought me some smellies and told my dh (her son) that she hadn't got round to buying him anything yet

DP's brother bought him a lifesize plastic red squirrel.
Not sure why.

DP's brother bought him a lifesize plastic red squirrel.
Not sure why.

Love IlanaK's story!!

My friend's MIL is notorious for not only awful but also weird presents. They don't get on and one year my friend was given a toilet brush for Christmas and the holder for her birthday.

Very similarly, when my own FIL was little he got one boxing glove for his birthday and the other for Christmas! But his birthday is in November so he shouldn't complain really... lol

Sitting on them? Poor mice.

Am tempted to send you obscure continental cheeses next year so you can look glumly at your sorely inadequate cheese markers and lay them aside with a sigh of regret for offering your guests unmarked cheese...

A terry towel turban thing.

I have very short, cropped hair (and have had for 18 years)

?????????

I really wish people who cant be bothered and give no thought at all to who the gift is for would just give the money to charity.....much better for everyone!