Christmas in tatters - can I have some opinions and advice please

[bunny3]

Ds, 8, is a handful at the moment, argumentative and very disrepectful. We went to my parents this evening and he was sitting on the settee next to my mother who was holding dd2 (21months). Ds claims he was being squashed (I dont think he was) so kicked my mother with so much force she fell off the settee badly hurting her wrist as she fell and, worst, droppping dd onto the coffe table. Dd walloped her head and screamed for a while but seems ok now. We apologised profusely on behalf of ds (he was more concerned that he had hurt his foot but I think he was very ashamed and too proud to admit it).

Ds in bed crying , dh thinks no Xmas stocking or present for him. I dont want to ruin everyones Xmas but agree a BIG punishment is needed.

Anyone care to offer any thoughts??

Ye gods. I don't know what to suggest but much sympathy.

I think you need to clear this up tonight.

Speak to him about why he did what he did. Is he jealous of his sister and the attention she gets?

He needs to know it was not acceptable behaviour.

But I think no stocking or presents is OTT. Its clear it has shaken you all up but thats a punishment too far.

I wouldn't 'can' his presents and stocking. I think you need to think of something else. Maybe something connected to the actual incident - like a long, grovelling letter to your mother.

I feel for you - but please, please try not to let this taint the whole of Christmas for you all. It was a bloody stupid thing to do but he's a kid and they do bloody stupid things sometimes.

I'm with mrsmaidamess. I think that there must be more to this anyway, tis a strange thing to do out of the blue.

He needs to know it wasn't acceptable. Can he have jobs to help his nan as her hand is injured. Hope your dd is ok.

I have just spoken to my mum, her arm is ok, just bruised. She thinks it will be too cruel to ruin his Xmas and I do agree, as do all the responses here. Dh says the reason ds is so naughty is because I dont discipline him enough. So now we are arguing. Dh mad ds go to bed without supper but I took him up a sandwich, I cant bear to think of him hungry and alone .
Bugger

We cant figure out why ds is so difficult. He has 2 younger sisters and they are pretty damned angelic but I try so so hard not to only tell him off. I try to praise him lots too. I dont really know what to do in the long term, will probably seek some advice from gp. In the meantime, do we act as normal in the morning? I so want us to enjoy Xmas.

He's probably feeling terrible too (ds). I know what he did was wrong in kicking MIL but he can't have meant it to snowball like it did. He needs the chance to apologise.

Jobs to help my mum a good idea. I think maybe an apology by phone and note too. Will talk to dh and hope he agrees, I dont want to argue with him over xmas.

Speak to him tonight. Don't wait until the morning. Its only 10 to 8.

Extra chores is a good idea. If he's jealous/resentful of dd2 then it could make things worse if he doesn't get presents. I think he should still get stocking and at least some presents, but maybe hold back 1 or 2 presents and tell them he'll get them in a week or so if his behaviour has improved.

thank you for all your advice. It has been really helpful. Sometimes an outside opinion is needed, espec when emotions are running high.

We have talked, ds has cried, he has apologised and we have hugged. He refused to hang up his stocking saying he doesnt deserve presents but I think tomorrow it will be ok.

Thank you again and Merry Christmas!!!

Just wanted to say that my DD is 7 and has been increasingly full of it too - prehaps it is an age thing? I agree that a letter and a grovel to your poor mum is a good idea. I would try and have a normal day tommorrow (today!). Merry christmas.

it doesnt get much better regarding the attitude my 10 yr old still has it

sounds like a good resolution.

you both need to agree on an approach to bad behaviour and stick to it though... don't undermine each other.

Might be worth booking an afternoon for him to help his grandmother with jobs? to apologise.

Hi Bunny. Sorry to hear you've been having a tough time with DS. We are having fun and games with DD1 at the moment. Her attitude really stinks most of the time at the moment and I dread every day with her at the moment. Saying that she's not been too bad today. Hope you've all had a lovely Christmas Day together.
PS - Hopefully we can catch up in the New Year. Have tried to contact you without much success recently, so hoping all is ok. xx

How did things go?

I am hoping you put it behind you in the morning.

I don't think there is neccessarily more to it than a spur of the moment misdemeanour. 8 year olds can be impulsive! Whoever suggested the apology letter and helping as much as poss.

We had a lovely day (till my mother upset me but that's another story!!)

ds wouldnt hang his stocking up so I did when he wass a sleep and he came bounding into our room at 5.30 am saying "look, santa's been!). The incident wasnt mentioned, both dh and I felt enough had been said the night beofore so there was no need to bring it up again. Ds behaved beautifully all day - he is such a gorgeous boy most of the time.

Thank you for all your messages and concern.

Hi Sparkler, sorry to hear you are having a tough time too. It's tough isnt it?! Catch up soon xx