Have you got any handy tips for getting through christmas - emotionally I mean.

[modthrythu]

I'm a regular in hiding. I'm really worried about coping on Christmas day. I can't go into all the details because it would identify me if any of the people concerned saw this - but we will be having a member of my family to stay who I find extremely needy and difficult, and, for Christmas dinner itself, also having friends round and one of them I really am not getting on with (long story which I can't go into, but this person has behaved badly to someone else - not directly involving me but it kind of crossed a line for me)

Now I do think I have reason to have difficulties with both these people, but OTOH, it's me who is dreading it and wondering how I will cope, and since I feel this way about 2 separate people I can see the problem lies with me to an extent. I somehow just can't let it wash over me and just think "la-di-dah, soon be over". When I have to spend time with people I find difficult, I really let it get to me and get so wound up that I'm almost trembling. I just want to run away and cry.

Why the hell have them there I hear you ask? Another long story but mainly tradition going back some time, DH wants it, he likes a full house and is more of the forgive and forget persuasion (which I wish I was!), and I'm aware that if I actually asked people not to come because of my feelings, it would make both situations worse and I would feel like a right cow.

I have the DC to focus on but that will only get me so far, I will have to converse nicely and jolly along, and I need to hold it together.

What I'm really hoping for if anyone has them are ways of thinking, philosophical mantras etc. that could help make it all seem less intense and less important.

God I feel so pathetic but I'm so scared I will just end up hiding in our bedroom or fighting back tears.

oh no, what a stressful time for you.
personally I would avoid the booze till they go but keep the rescue remedy to hand and have a lovely relaxed boxing day with your DH and DC

Thanks dizzy, you're right about the booze - it's a situation where a few drinks might seem appealing but I will definitely not be getting tipsy, for fear of an attack of honesty!

But the rescue remedy is a great idea - i used to have some ages ago, but somehow forgot about it. I will get some.

oh you can even get sprays and tablets now can you tell its a staple in my life!!

I would grin and bare it for Christmas Day and just make sure you really focus on a lovely relaxing family day with your family on Boxing day and then it will all seem worthwhile

just keep muttering 'goodwill to all goodwill to all' under your breath!!

A secret tupperware box of hash brownies hidden upstairs. Serenity in the face of anything at all

Unfortunately the rellie will be around for some time, but I can look forward to when it will be just us again.

But the rescue remedy idea is making me feel better. Even if it's partly a placebo effect, the idea of having something that I will go and take and then feel primed and ready IYSWIM - I think will really help.

ninedragons! Sadly hash started making me vom once I left my 20s behind. I am imagining a very beatific scenario though.

throwing up would get you a get out of jail free card and you could retire to your room at least?!?

is putting rescue remedy in the Christmas dinner wine morally wrong?

is that considered spiking?

could the relative do with some (without her knowledge) am not suggesting you try it, am just musing out loud

Blissful serenity followed by massive vom everywhere and the rest of the day in bed..

Hmm tempted!

Sounds perfect to me. And then all the obnoxious rellies will be worried that you've given everyone food poisoning and start worrying about getting the shits while they're on the motorway.

I like the way I was thinking of fancy zen mantras or whatever - but what I've got is a list of the pros and cons of various mind-altering substances! Good old MN

always pleased to have helped

We're not really very helpful, are we?

Seriously, just remind yourself that in 24 hours it will all be over. Pain is transient.

my husband spiked me with rescue remedy at my wedding.

at rescue remedy spiking! Although the original does contain a minute amount of brandy.

I can vouch for a more extreme version, called Recovery Plus, by Ainsworths - used it on an entire class of sub-hysterical women once and they all calmed down, without knowing what it was (thus negating the placebo option) - the local health shop was subsequently cleaned out of its stock of the stuff! it has a dual advantage of being a spray and non-alcoholic (no used for spiking though!). I also used it for me and my Dad when we found out my mum was terminal last year, it helped us cope. I think it is better than the original Rescue Remedy.

I also like these room sprays that they do - excellent fart-destroyers! but meant to clear the air in the room, so if you start feeling the negative vibes, you could just start wafting them around.

I use pulsatilla, a homeopathic remedy, if I'm feeling emotional and it really helps! 5 pounds from boots or holland & barrett. I'm taking it already....I'm not feeling that great about christmas either, I do sympathise. But try and find something that you can escape for 10 minutes now and again to do e.g. listen to fav.songs on ipod etc? A breathing exercise, do you do any yoga? Important I would think to take a regular break away from people so have some excuses thought up in advance that mean you can hide somewherein the house until you calm down. Get dh on your side with this, have a signal for him if it's getting too much.

Great thanks guys - I will be going shopping tomorrow for an arsenal of squirty stress-busters. And I love your ideas too AQ and will use them.

It does help ninedragons! - even just discussing it with witty mners helps me have a bit more of a (much-needed) sense of humour about it.

Sorry to hear about your mum thumbelf. I know it can't be nice hearing people moaning about their rellies in your situation.

ah no, it's ok, thanks for the kind thoughts though.