This is totally mean & nasty...right?

[CrackereD]

My BF & I fell out a few months ago - it has been patched over but I know she hasn't really forgiven me - it was a work issue

Our children are friends & for years (6 maybe) we have bought for each other at Christmas

DH is fairly sure they haven't this year & thinks I should drop their presents round latish on Christmas Eve - so they can't go out & buy us something...I think that is mean (but I can see where he is coming from)

So is it mean & should I do it?

Not mean but a bit sneaky, just drop them off when you would normally do it, or text her first and say you going to drop in with presents

Its christmas, why would you want to be mean to your friend, even if things are tense between you, that would only make it worse.

Are you quite young ?

How can your DH be sure?

Am I right in assuming then that you maitain friendship mainly due to your dcs being friends?

No...very not young - neither is DH - I think he is being defensive of me (he knows how upset I have been by it all)

The presents are what they would have got even without the argument - normally though we would have had a party & swopped then. This year they are too busy to come & they haven't every missed the party before

Without exchanging at the party I can't work out when I would normally have delivered them

I guess I could drop them in on the way home from the party

don;t give them....save them and see how things go after xmas. you may make things up yet and doing this might hinder that.

if things work out, give them then (she may be feeling the same as you anyway!), or use them as spare birthday pressies during the year.

another thing......if you dropped them and you heard nothing, how would you feel then??? worse I would think.

just keep hold of them and see what the new year brings to your friendship.

I guess that is what worries me

If I make a gesture (these are never expensive presents) & she has decided not to I will feel rejected and hurt

If I deliver them early & she rushes out to the shops & gets something I will never know

She always laughs at my 'token' presents for everyone

I guess I am feeling insecure and lonely because I miss the easy relationship we had

stop fretting.....you are missing you friend and that is ok (I am going thro similar in fact in my RL)........and just believe that if you are meant to be friends it will come about, and if not, then you will need to let go of your pain and accept.

but as for the presents.......do nothing for now, as I actually think that you will feel worse if you give them at the mo, and she doesn;t reciprocate.

I guess you are right

It feels so odd thought not giving presents

Mean.

Why make the situation any worse?

By all means don't give them at all, but if you're going to give them, then do so in good time.

Whatever happened to the season of goodwill?

I think, if you've bought presents you should give them.. and I thin k it shows that you genuinely want to maintain the friendship.

If she's not bought for you, forget about it, nobody is going to know except the paitr of you and you know not to buy for hers next year.

I would text her on morning of party and say "sorry won't see you at will drop presents round on way home x"

If she rushes out to buy something I think that she also wants to maintain the frienship but wa waiting to see what you did about prezzies.. if not then just accept that you don't buy for each other.. I have lots of friends I don't buy presents for, so really it doesn't mean that much wrt friendships

I dropped them in on the way home from the party

Look of total shock on her face

I didn't announce it first because I never would have previously

I'm a bit sad