so what rows will you be having on christmas day?

[TheChristmasArmadillo]

We will be having:

the 'if you don't make your special stuffing in time for it to be cooked with the meal then I will be using PAXO' one

the 'if you prefer to complain about the commercialisation of christmas rather than say thank you for a present then I won't bother getting you one next year'

My mother's favourite 'no one else bothers doing anything round here you're all ungreatful brats'

The 'who forgot to set the video' one (this is especially good in the middle of dinner)

Everybody's favourite 'you're all horrible and I'm not eating with you'

and the 'completely unrelated subject that could have waited till boxing day' one.

What are your traditional family fights?

Of" course we're late (to go to mils). If you expect me to sort out your stuff as well as organising myself and three children then I will run out of time however ridiculously early I get up!"

I will be having the time honoured "who makes the best gravy" stand off with my brother.

I'll be right of course. But I will, no doubt, capitulate to him as usual, & then sulk into my (slightly undercooked) carrots for as long as I can get away with.

My mother and I will wear our traditional "licking piss of a lemon" expressions as we watch my 2 year old niece unwrap 94 presents bought by shopaholic SiL that will never be looked at again.

'Tis the season to be jolly and all that

I'm cooking.

The only argument that will happen will be which DD has hidden the remote to watch the tat on Disney channel
It's ok. I'll take the batteries out this year!

PMSL at licking piss off a lemon. We want a photo of the expression on your profile page

These did make me laugh so much. I used to have a badge that said 'On the first day of Christmas my family had a row'

DH will usually get into a sulk because someone will be doing something he wants to do - last year my brother set up my iPod so DH sulked for rest of the day.

I'm sure we can find more!

Dh will insist he doesn't need instructions to plug in the wii and will rant and rage while I sit in the kitchen stirring gravy and reading said instructions, and then I shall call him an eejit of the highest order and sort it out.

MIL will twitter about worrying that we're rowing (her and fil always used to do it in secret angry whispers and be convinced we will divorce this year

We won't but I'll probably burn the gravy.

I doubt we will row, but Xmas will be filled with the slowly thickening atmosphere of resentment coming from my direction:

I will get up with DD

I will make breakfast for everyone (4 adults and dd)

I will cook dinner (8 adults, 2 dc)

I will set table

I will watch DH start drinking at 1100

I will shoo my mum out of the kitchen ooooh 10 times

I will shoo dh out of kitchen once, just as I am ready to dish up and he walks in and says 'do you need any help'......then complains about the way I have roast the potatoes and made the gravy.

I will dish up

I will have heartburn too bad to eat

DD will be overexcited and wont eat

DH will shout at her

I will take dd upstairs for a nap

I will come back down as everyone has finished.

I will clear the table

(thankfully the dishwasher will wash up....small mercies lol)

I will say I am going for a lie down - DH will point out that he is tired and that my parents need entertaining.

DH will go for lie down.

I will play with DD (best part of day)

DH will get back up, drink more then go to bed for good at 2000.

I will finally get to bed about 2300.

0400 DH will wake up (after 8 hrs sleep) and expect sex.....sulking when I refuse and being in a bad mood all boxing day.....when the cycle will begin again..

(bah farking humbug)

By the time ds is in bed, I will whine to DH "yes, but where's my REEEEEAAAAAALLLLL present????"

It will fail to materialise

I will sulk

We will then have the same rows we have on every other day of the year ("You don't appreciate me or think of me blah blah blah etc")

Can't wait

We will have the same row as every year.

We will get to BIL's house at 12ish and DH will chuck 3 glasses of wine down his throat before I've even taken my coat off, so that I have to drive home and can't have a bloody drink.

I will get my own back on Boxing Day when all of his family come over and he has to cook (I'm crap at cooking for any more than 5 or 6) and I'll get plastered and he'll have to do it all.

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm still fuming at my boss, I'm spit tacks. I'm A/L from Friday and I won't be angry with any of my family or friends. I'm going to bore my work friends over coffee at 11.30am today, with what a C*T he his. The wish them a Merry Christmas.

We will almost certainly have the 'the one thing I asked you to do was keep the children out of the kitchen' row, hopefully not in A&E after I drop a hot pan on the baby.

I love all of these...

Someone should start a thread after Christmas to find out what rows we actually did have!

We are getting all of our rows out of the way early this year.

So far we have had the "if you find an unusual box or bag in the cupboard DO NOT shout 'what's this?' in front of the DCs"

and the

"I thought you said you were getting SIL's present, now they've sold out"

and the annual "I am more busy and stressed than you" competition (special Christmas edition).

Ours will start with get up. Get up now. Everyone else is waiting. To DH and DD1. If it turns out like the last few years we've had at home (not my choice- DH's sodding work) the ILs will turn up at 11.30 just as I've gone to put the dinner on and we will endure an hour of non-conversation where DH sits as far away from them as he can and ignores them. ( we have had a row about it every single year but it didn't once occur to him to tell me he'd bloody invited them )

Mother will keep traipsing up and down the stairs for no reason I can think of, upsetting the dog who she will shout at, and slap if she gets the chance. If only we'd realised the first year she did it as he now attacks older ladies so has to be kept indoors.

Dinner will be late again. My mother will say it doesn't matter and why can't I be fleksible. (now odd letters don't work on the keyboard). By having dinner late it means that as soon as Dr Who and Eastenders start mother will demand "tea". I don't want tea because I ate a reasonable amount at dinner but I end up stuck in the kitchen downstairs while the rest of them sit on their backsides watching the TV.

Mother and DD1 will eat a weeks worth of cheese and almost an entire tin of biscuits because it's there, while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil.

Come the evening mother will moan that "that baby doesn't have a bedtime" and try to take her upstairs early.

Can you tell that I'm really dreading Christmas?

We will fight about who's driving and what to watch on telly.

We may have a row when I want to go for a cobweb-blowing, appetite-building walk - DP will want to curl up at home and watch telly.

We may have a row when I attempt to implement my 'no computer on Christmas day rule'.

We may have a row when I ask DP to get dressed properly. I like to be dressed up properly for Christmas; I imagine he will want to be in his pants all day.

This is our first Christmas together on our own, at home, with none of the family - it may also be our last, as next year I hope to either have a very small DC or a very large bump.

We don't row here either although I might do some huffy tidying at some point when the mess just gets too much to handle, and everyone will watch me. So I will get huffy and start sighing and banging cupboard doors in spite of myself.

Boxing Day will be interesting - MIL will suck wasps all day, FIL will act the buffoon knowing it annoys her and try and get us to be complicit, effectively ganging up on MIL. Is he mental? He will be let off the hook by New Year whereas I would burn in hell for eternity for entering into such japes.
Hell-burning will be second only to the smell of burning martyr as MIL clatters about in the kitchen preparing "a little something" that takes about 4 hours and leaves her "well, absolutely bushed, I really am".
She and FIL will talk loudly all afternoon interrupting everyone and talking over ds who will be increasingly frustrated until I decide enough is enough and take him to the park -to- -escape- -and- -have- -some- -us- -time-

oops buggered up hyphens

I'm liking these.

Funnily enough me and dp don't row - it's just my family

I don't feel so bad about it now