Narked at criticisms on other forums

[Bathsheba]

I read a forum other than Mumsnet (slightly huggy, but not a very big one so not heard of by most people)...

However I'm getting slightly narked -

In the last week I've learned that

• most people must hate to receive my Christmas cards as I don't include a personal message just for them on it - I simply write "with love from Bathsheba, Mr Bathsheba, BigOne and LittleOne" on them all. No extra messages or round robin letters.

• everyone hates receiving "sickly sweet and gawd-awful Oxfam Unwrapped style presents". I send a number of these every year - most to my extended family who I do actually know appreciate them as they have told me in the past that they are really excited by them, but I also send them to my sister, and my BIL and SIL as we primarily buy for the children but also buy them "something" - however neither family ever says Thank You for anything that we have sent them over the years, and have both made known they don't want "any more stuff in their house" - however I've been well told on this other forum that they are patronising, sickly sweet, hippyish, overly idealised and everyone who receives one probably hates me for it and wants a proper and decent present.

So please reassure me that people aren't all making faces at me when they receive my presents or my Christmas Cards - no-one has ever said anything to me but the posters on the other forum were so vehement that both things are "just the worst thing in the world to do" that I now feel really bad and self concious...!

blow a big raspberry at them......

each to their own and if your family are happy with the Oxfam Unwrapped presents then what is the problem?

I do include a letter in a few of my Christmas cards (for aunt in Australia for example), not a round robin though. All my other cards i simply put a message like yours.

Meh, each to their own I guess...

Personally, I don't usually write personal messages in Christmas cards, or expect to get them. And I hate round robin letters unless they are very tongue-in-cheek as they are often just smug boasting.

If your family say they like charity gifts, and give every appearance of meaning it, then what's the problem? I'd sooner have a goat than many of the typical Christmas gifts which friends and family come up with. I'd say that makes me more of a grumpy-guts than sickly sweet TBH.

Blimey, you mean there is another parenting forum which is as judgey as MN

Honestly, please don't feel bad. Have the courage of your convictions!

Some people have too much time on their hands.

Usually I do write a few lines in each christmas card and include a small photo of DS for those we haven't seen ( although I have been told on here that this is tacky, why I am not too sure as I love to see up to date photos of others DCs particularly if I don't get to see them often)

This year I haven't been well,so everyone is just getting a Love from Rookiepater, Rookiemater & Rookietoddler. If people are upset about that then they are very sad and don't deserve my friendship.

I have mixed feelings...

I too don't usually write personal messages in Christmas cards, or expect to get them. I normally put a short personal message in if I've not been in touch with the person otherwise in the year (and even then it's normally "we really must catch up properly in 200x") but I'd never be offended (or give it a second thought, really) if there weren't messages in the cards I received. I did once spend a few days one year trying to work out who the card that had nothing whatsoever written in it was from, though...

I do think it's slightly "off" to keep buying Oxfam Unwrapped gifts year after year for people who have never given you any reason to suppose that they appreciate them. If you want to give to charity, give to charity. If you want to give people something that they'll appreciate, give them something they'll appreciate. If (as with your extended family) you can combine those two goals in one gift, then great. If not, then I'd be more inclined just to buy for the children, not get anything for your sister/BIL/SIL (or give them a £5 book token if you feel you must give them "something"), and give a donation directly to charity (more efficient and helpful than the designated gifts, by and large, and don't have the same overheads).

ultimately it comes down to personal opinion.

I don't send letters in christmas cards - in fact people are lucky if they even get christmas cards but imo it depends on the relationship you have with people as to what kind of communication you expect. If I were sending a card to someone I don't communicate with during the year I might be inclined to include some communication about the family etc, but if it was to the family then I would expect them to be aware of what is happening in our lives anyway so wouldn't bother.

Re the charity unwrapped gifts, I am going to stick my neck on the line here and say I can kind of see their point. Not because I would want a "proper" present, but because charity is a very personal thing, and by giving one of these presents you are essentially giving to a charity on someone's behalf, a charity which that person might not necessarily have chosen to give to for a number of reasons. So if giving such a gift I do think it's important to be aware of the recipiant's views of the particular charity you will be giving to on their behalf.

I second PortandBlack. Although once had a card with just initials signed in it which was a bit odd.

Also, wouldn't want an Oxfam style present every year admittedly. Just think it makes it look a little like you can't be bothered to think of something else. But if you and your family are happy with it, then there really is no problem as far as I can see.

I am always disappointed when I receive a Christmas card with no 'news' from someone I haven't seen all year - I kind of think that's the whole point really, to keep in touch with people you don't see often. I've never seen the point of sending cards to people you see every day (though I still do it, coward to be non-conformist that I am!)

I haven't ever sent an 'unwrapped' type gift and do think they are a bit smug (I think people should just give to charity if they want to, no need to announce it to everyone) - but if one of my nearest and dearest gave me one I wouldn't be offended at all.

But you know, we have had lengthy debates about both these topics on mn, its not just other sites where feelings run high on these topics!

Everyones different in thier views- The world would be a boring place if we were all the same

I dont tend to send big messages in my cards.. maybe just looking forward to seeing you in 200x if we are due to visit distant relies.

My xmas cards have been printed this year with a photo of DD (4mths) wearing a santa hat or and angel costume. This has been boo'd on here but I dont care. My family love it so thats what matters.
At the end of the day after xmas the cards get binned or recycled anyway! Unless your like me with a draw full of old birthday and xmas cards! ( Im from a family of terrible horders!)

As for the presents, I think id prefer that to another smelly box set of something that just gets put in the cupboard with all the others. - maybe people think i smell!

Cards are just lovely, messages or not,can't see why everyone is so anti-card this year, it just makes me so happy knowing that my friends do think of me, and a little scribbled note is an extra bonus. Unwrapped Oxfam type gifts are a bit of a disapointment- one of my cousins sent us all one a couple of years back and I really did not see the point - why didn't she just give £100n to Oxfam and tell us she had made the donation in lieu of presents? It must be quite expensive to do all the paperwork and administer these "gifts" so surely more money goes to charity from straight donations.