Mother buying adults presents but not children

[CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell]

She's cutting back this Christmas so only buying her adult children and their partners presents. Her reasoning behind this is that their parents spend over £100 on her grandchildren at Christmas.

We never spend over £30 on ours, dh is set to lose his job in the New Year and instead of her buying us some crappy clothes from George I'd much rather she spend it on my kids!

She never bothers with them, never phones them, sees them once at year at Christmas even though I'd be happy for her to arrange to see them more often if she wanted to. Now they won't get presents from her either.

What is the point of her existence as a Grandma?

I'm beginning to the think the same about my mother too.

She has once again decided not to come even though she said she would originally which has now messed up our plans. She also said I could buy the children's presents from her and she will reimburse me (once again).

Have you told her you would rather she bought your DC's something, than you?

Weird.

Surely most grandparents or any normal adults would do it the other way if the things were tight cash-wise and just buy for the kids and not the adults ?

that your kds are missing out on their grandma, or rather the grandma they deserve.

Will she give you them before Christmas? If so you could take them back and get a refund?

I told her to give us money so that we could spend it on the kids.

I really felt my anger rising when she was going on about her kids spending upwards of £100 on presents for her grandkids when she knows full well that dh will be out of work in the New Year and we've never ever had that kind of money to spend anyway!

She's probably already got me a conservative George blouse and dh a Christmas jumper - she gets those every year. I will take them back and buy something for the kids instead.

I dont think people should be too hard here. My mother regularly announces that her grandchildren mean more to her than us, her children. It does hurt even though obviously I love the fact that she loves them (even though by most peoples standards the committment is small - we have been out three times in 7 years due to absence of babysitters, never get childcare for more than 10 mins even to pop to the shops etc) and we have to always visit them or be present on visits. On a slightly different note, I have yet to fully understand where the assumption comes in that everybody must love our children. For example, I do think far more of my brother than his children - and will probably think more of my children when they are grown up than their children (my grandchildren). Thats not to say I dont love my niece and nephew - but I do spend more on my brother than them at christmas. He is my brother after all and I have a relationship with him. And I only buy for my adult friends - not their kids - after all, they are my friends, not their children. Not everybody loves children and thinks they are cute - its no reflection on their love for you yourself. Even grandparents dont have to automatically love their grandchildren - but probably still love their grown up children. Not sure I make sense here. And I am not trying to be mean or cause arguments - honest.

No that's ok frog. My mother has a very difficult relationship with all of her children, she is guilty of neglect and emotional abuse along with her husband. She professes to all how much she loves her grandchildren, she tells all who will listen how I keep mine from her. She took a photo of them and had it framed. Yet she won't speak to them or take any interest in them and now won't buy them a present.

Trust me, I'm not a lover of other people's children. But I wouldn't profess to love and adore them but then ignore them at every opportunity.

Besides, isn't Christmas really for the children? You'd think that because she knows ours don't get much, she'd get them something instead of us. But she's tarred us all with the same brush.

It's ok though, the kids will know what kind of a grandma she is and hopefully won't have any expectations from her. The less influence she has the better.

Cliff - it sounds like she is best out of it anyway. I think, from personal experience, that some grandparents fail with their own children, then like the idea of being great grandparents but then fail at that too. (But I do think sometimes the intention is there (hence the talk) but they find it impossible to get over their problems and act!!). All you can do is stop the nastiness from going down the generations. Children adapt and are used to what they are used to (I am in one of those situations where the inlaws spend so much time with my dhs nieces and nephews - but very little with ours but the kids dont notice and still love them even if I fume). And dont feel bad for not spending much on the children. I have spent under £10 on the main present for all of mine - and they will love it (they are not used to getting a lot anyway - but they will get time from us to do crafts, walks, books etc that we dont do enough of day to day and that will make christmas far more special than a big present would)!!! Sorry about your husbands job.

I think this is awful. Who wouldn't buy their grand children presents at Christmas?

A few years ago we visited our ILs at Christmas and we all sat down to give out presents. My DS was about 5 or 6 at the time. He was dishing out the presents and then she gave us ours and looked at my DS and said, 'I didn't know what to buy you, so haven't got you one!'. My poor DS tried to be all brave and as you can imagine I was furious as was DH. She said she would give me some money to get him something in the sales! My DS would have been thrilled with a £1 car wrapped up!!

Some people do not have a clue do they?

Thats awful. If she wanted to cut down on spending she should buy for the children and not the adults. That what happens in my family.

Can you ask for vouchers so you can spend them as a family?

see i dont get thi either, its not something we've done in our family but if we were cutting back, without question it is the adults who would go without

ssems very odd to do it other way imo

Rhuby I think we have a matching pair of Gransma's (my mumis grreat though an FIL ran off with someone else 3 years ago, so mine still hve the '4' as new partner to FIL is lovely and ds4's Godmother)

you can't win with them; accept their roblems and maybe wrap something you bouoght for the kis. Its shite but there you go, things can be.

My MIL is great with the grandchildren. Makes a real fuss of them including loads of presents. She does this because she loves them and has more money to spend now than when her children were small. So it is a kind of reverse indulgence.

Due to distance I don't see my nieces and nephews very often and definitely have more time for my friends little ones. So they always get something even if it is a chocolate Santa/selection box. Which I liked getting as a child

So I am with CliffRichard here Grandmas should be proper Grandmas. Their job is too indulge their grandchildren to the best of their ability. Doesn't have to be monetary. I suppose if this connection is lacking they should still be able to see that their children would be better indulged if the little ones get the presents instead.

SH27 - that is just horrible but not uncommon I guess. How difficult is a 6 year old to buy for after all?

I would have thought it would be the other way round, big pressies for the children and little ones for the adults.

Sorry to hear about your dh's job.