Do I have to spend the same on each child?

[TurquoiseNicki]

Does anyone else have that guilt thing about not spending exactly the same amount on each child? My own mum used to 'even it up', even down to buying one of us an extra Mars bar. I am so tempted to do the same, but a nagging voice is telling me I am bonkers...!!

no, ds 2 is 13 months and isn't into the same as ds 1 who's 4.8. Ds 2 will gwt more when he's older. It'll even itself out i'm sure.

We spend the same on 8 and 4yo. 2yo is slightly less as stuff is cheaper and 2month old just a couple of bits.

My Gran used to make everything "fair" money wise. I remember being really upset one Christmas because me and my sister both had dressing gowns (which we wanted) but because I was older and bigger, mine was more expensive, which meant sis got more other stuff to go with it.

Not sure if I still remember it because of the the trauma of being hard done to or the embarrassment of the fuss I made I was about 12 I think.

Now I make things fair by roughly evening out the amount of "stuff" rather than money, but TBH, so far my DC's have very little interest in the value of money.

My mum still evens things up and I am 35! My brother is abroad, and she gave some money towards his flight over to visit...and sent me the same amount because "it's fair". I didn't need the money at all.
I am trying therefore to give according to need (or desire I suppose in the present sense) within reason.
What do you do if one of the children's presents is drasically reduced in Woolies? Does it go on the balance sheet at its original price, or the price you paid for it?

They will only care if you care. Forget about it and get them something they would like each, end of.

I think if they're old enough to be aware of it, they should have things which "appear" to have the same value, but you don't need to go down to detail. So for instance in the case of the dressing-gowns, I would have got them one each and ignored the difference in price. From a child's point of view a dressing gown is the same "amount" of present, whatever the actual cost.

no

No!

Oldest is 12, youngest 3 and one inbetween.

We spend the most on the oldest as the things he want are more expensive, then a bit less on middle and even less on the youngest.

I think over their lifetimes it'll all even out.

And if you get a bargain, the difference goes towards your fund for buying alcohol!

Message withdrawn

'thatwasfun' hitthe nail on the head, i am worried about being fair to them both. But i guess fair does not necessarily mean exactly equal! Fair is they both got almost everything they had on their lists.

no

We told all 3 of ours that they could choose presents up to £50 but I have no idea how much they have individually had spent on them. A friend of mine makes sure there is the same amount of presents to open but we don't.

I just get an even amount of pressies but don't do this in terms of what they cost as somethings are ebay & secondhand.

I really would say NO NO NO! I'm always telling my MIL off for buying something unnecessary for my youngest DS just because she's picked something up for the eldest (usually clothes which the eldest is always growing out of, which youngest gets eventually anyway!) BUT she just can't not do it.
For christmas.. unless you have children who will sit with the Argos book ticking everything off pricewise (which I doubt), don't stress yourself silly over it.. just another in the long line of 'mum guilt trips'. So long as there's not a blatantly obvious void, in my experience kids just don't care, if they wave what they asked for/like.

hope this helps

No I have 4 and nearly 3 yo DDs and have been buying 3 for 2's etc so they are roughly the same value but not exactly IYSWIM?

More importanly they have the same number of presents to open

DD3 is only 5 months so not getting much at all

My DS is 2.9 and I have spent more on him than my DD who is almost 9 months. I still have most of the toys that DS got for his first Christmas and DD has all of them, so I am just getting her something very small and my mum is getting her a trousers and top.

Farmerchristmas.. loving your alcohol fund idea btw!

Absolutely not. The only thing to be achieved by making things completely 'fair' is that you will teach your children to be money grabbing and you will make them think about it. I know of grown adults who complain when one sibling is given gifts of more monetry value than the other. I just want to scream at them 'grow up'!

Things were never 'fair' when I was a child, and often they still aren't now. Do I care? No. I was bought up to believe that as long as I got what I wanted, what my bro got was his buisness and nothing to do with me. I still believe that now. I am doing the same with my DDs. DD1 (5) wanted a Snow White dressing up outfit. I have spent £20 on that. DD2 (2)loves witches outfits with hats. I spent £2 on hers (sale). I'm not going to make up the difference, because then she would have more presents than DD1, and that would be unfair on DD1, and then also DD2 already has the castoff toys from DD1, so she already has more stuff - so should I buy DD1 more toys to make up for this unfairness? You could keep going on forever and get yourself all tied up in knots over this...

Much easier just to not to say anything, after all kids don't know the value of toys and they will not know you have spent more on one child than another - as long as they get what they want, that's all they care about. Don't teach them a lesson that doesn't need to be learnt, because I have witnessed that it can lead to a very ugly quality in adulthood.

HTH