I am fed up with having our christmas ruined by OLD LADIES

[moanmoanmoan]

have TOTALLY name changed to have a good WHINGE

DH and I both have divorced mothers. Our mothers are HARD WORK - they are negative and bullying and bitter and for this reason, all of our siblings are child-free and refuse to have our mothers at christmas.

So we are left with these two women for several days over the christmas period. They dont' even like each OTHER very much. Our siblings won't visit because they don't like our mothers, and we can't really have friends over because our mothers are both rather appallingly rude.

I am just feeling MISERABLE. I love christmas but feel like I'm doing EVERYTHING for other people and no one is giving us any slack or help with these women.

Please kick me up the arse and help me see it in a more positive light.

They just won't. They are very blunt about it. They say that our mums have always been horrible and they don't owe them anything.

They are very good at providing materially for mum - paying electric bills etc (which we all share) but as far as christmas goes, they have said NO MORE. (she behaved very rudely about 7 years ago which was the last time they had her at christmas)

Well, you have a choice, and I have it with my dad.

You can either Not have them, and feel guilty and selfish, or have them, and make the best of it. I don't feel there's another option, really.

There's no need to have them together; there's no need to have them for long; pick your favourite bit of Christmas (mine's Christmas Eve) and don't have them for that bit; fill the time they are there with activities so that you don't have to talk much; don't give them choices as to what to do, except either they do what you are doing or entertain themselves. Maybe you could have one for Christmas Day to Boxing Day lunch, and one for New year's Day. DO NOT get involved with bitter discussions, just refuse. Create a refuge for yourself (your bedroom? the kitchen?) and refuse to have them in it. the kitchen, unfortunately, can actually be quite a helpful place to park unfortunate relatives, at least they can chop brussels sprouts and feel useful.

And try to have a lovely Christmas - you are doing something good, and ultimately that has to be worth it for its own sake.

This is probably all impossible,but I do feel your pain - the three sibling in my family have gone past arguing as to Who Has Dad and last year was the first time that Nobody Had Dad. It was not very nice, actually, I felt bad all day, but did enjoy the lack of stress.

Make the silblings have them-it's time they did their fair share!

Oh PS I know this is horrible, but I tend to make Dad drink a lot when he comes for Christmas as then he falls asleep for most of the time. But for many hard-work relatives this is of course a disastrous idea.

i'm utterly delighted that for once my gran's brother is having her for christmas.

love her to bits but by god it'll be lovely to have christmas just us. her brother lost his wife last year so he's now making an effort to see more of her. they're both in their 80s. we'll go over boxing day.

Several years ago I said NOT THIS YEAR and my mother ended up alone on the

I felt like a BITCH

One travels a long way by train, so has to stay for several days unfortunately

I attempted to make our BEDROOM guest free last year and ended up on christmas morning with two children and two old ladies on my bed

If I was an American I would have shot anyone over the age of 50 at that point

choosyfloosy much of what you say is wise

OK, buy a lock for your door (seriously - why not? Obv if this were normal people you wouldn't have to do this, but accept that they are not normal people with normal reactions, so take action accordingly so that you don't suffer unreasonably). Hang stockings etc in the sitting room so that you have the first session NOT in your room.

Would they actually 'do' stockings with the children so that you got a lie-in, or would you hate to miss that bit?

send them both on one of those bus tours of the belgian markets or whatever.

Oh I couldn't miss the stockings

If I bought a lock for the door they would just stand there knocking

lol @ bus tour

right, so have the stockings downstairs, with croissants and bucks fizz (get the alcohol in early like I say).

one does even DRINK

does NOT

i have had mil over christmas eve to boxing day every christmas since 1993. she doesn't drink either, has to watch the soaps VERY LOUDLY and nags children to go to bed early on christmas eve. then nags dp to get me up early so we can all watch them open presents. she does my 'ead in.

Promise yourself the night out with DH afterwards.

We always award ourselves a nice meal out after his mother has been to stay. We are allowed to say whatever we want at that meal, no holds barred, and get all the bitching out of the way in one full swoop.

I have been known to make notes during the visit so that I will not forget a particular instance of annoying/selfish/vile behaviour.

I like the idea of making notes

Oh my God (re lack of drink).

Oh well, I suppose at least she won't go into a drunken rage.

Please, please, please let me enjoy having Christmas on my own when I am old.

I have a rosy picture of me in comfy armchair, watching what the hell I like, going for a cold walk in the morning and singing carols to myself, lurching gently pissed into church at any hour, having turkey-flavoured crisps, a long nap after lunch and then taking a short phone call at 6pm from ds who is living in Thailand with his boyfriend.

[sigh]

me too choosyfloosy

me and DH have agreed we will never divorce, even if we hate each other, PURELY to avoid being a horrid burden to our children at christmas

lol @ 2 children adn 2 old women on your bed. i think you just have to grin and bear it. they may not drink but that doesn't stop you.

Ah, you are all making me feel very fortunate. My Mum is a PITA to have around at any time, esp. Christmas, but a) we have nowhere for her to sleep nowadays and b) she's pretty independent and has arranged herself a house-sitting job for Christmas week, as indeed she did last year. She doesn't impose too much, thank God, because the years she has stayed for Christmas have been HORRID!

it's not the divorce it's the bitterness and losing a sense of what's appropriate around other people/interest in anyone else

my mum is divorced but she is a pleasure to be around at Christmas (mostly)

But I still feel guilty that she will be on her own, even though she arranged it herself!