Would you go to your inlaws for Christmas anyway if your DH/DP couldn't be there?

[castille]

Found out this week that DH has to work on Christmas Day. This year we were due to go to his parents. Now I'm dreading it. In-laws and I get on ok these days (there is History) but I have never ever felt comfortable and "at home" in their house.

As we live abroad I can't spend the day with my family instead. If we don't go to theirs it'll be just me and the children at home alone which would be pretty grim so we're going to have to go

Have you/would you do this?

Id stay at home.

Why would that be grim? You and the kids can have a great day together!

Absolutely-they are part of your family!

Alternatively you could invite them around to you.

My initial thought was, no way, but actually it would be more festive to share the day. Also if you're lucky MIL will do the cooking etc .

NO!

depends how bad the in laws are

personally i would stay at home. my kids would love it. they don't have to dress up and behave and eat Christmas dinner and be polite. They can stay in pjs, watch tv, play with toys and eat chocolate. What's not to like?

I should think of it like this-if you have DSs how will you feel if you are excluded because DIL will only put up with you if your DS is there?
Christmas is a time of generosity. We often have my PIL from my first marriage (DH1 is dead) -DH2 has a generous nature and gets on well with them-because he has made the effort.

Yes, get on well with them and they would want to see the dcs anyway (and me hopefully). DP would probably come along when he'd finished. We alternate parents at Christmas, would be more tricky if it were my parents as they're other side of country.

Abbey - I know, that's why we're going. We all make the effort to get on, it's just quite hard work at times.

If we stayed at home the DDs would want to know why and I'm not going to tell them I don't always enjoy visiting their grandparents. The kids will have a much better time there than at home because there will be lots of relatives to dote on them.

But I won't even be able to drink as I'll be driving

The little ones want thier pressies at christmas. I would absolutley stay at home. My mil is a right old trout any way

Oh yes, i love my inlaws.

No No No No
Never
Never
Never

Id go, because my ILs are lovely, but you say it is awkward. Don't feel pressured, do what you want to do!

Mind you, i would be inclined to have a lovely morning at home with the children, have dinner, thankyou very much, and then slope off because the children are "tired"

Yes, I would, if close enough.

I prefer staying at home for Christmas but if DH weren't here, then I'd be happy to go to my inlaws.

Could you tell inlaws that DH is working and ask if you could all come on Boxing Day instead?

MadCreamLady has the best compromise IMO.
I hope that you don't have DSs leoleo, because if you have a DIL with your attitude you will never have a family Christmas with your grandchildren!

what hours is your dh working? how flexible are ILs re meals etc? could he join you at ILs - at least for a bit and at least for a drink, if not a meal.

Nice to see that many of you would go

No possibility of my DH joining us at any point, he's doing a 24-hour shift

Can't go on boxing day either (unless we stay overnight and DH joins us on 26th - possible) because the extended family only come for 25th itself so we'd miss the point by not being there at all on the day.

But yes I like the idea of going just for lunch. 2yo will need his bed long before dinner is over, and I'm doing all the driving (1 hour) so I say when we go home. Will see how DH thinks MIL will react...

if it was already agreed that we were going then yes.

I went to stay with my ILs for a week with ds in the summer holidays and dh didn't come because he was working. No reason not to IMO, but if you don't generally get on then maybe that's different.

I would, but it would pain me, I'd be gritting my teeth and pulling faces on the train

No, never. No way he'd go to my parents on his own either. Its not that we don't get on either, just that we see them because they are DH's parents.

I'd rather give DS his presents at home, have nice food (but not big Christmas dinner), and then do it on Boxing day with DH

I would, but TBH, I'd rather go to my parents. I'd imagine that most DIL's who get on well with their parents would say this though wouldn't they? However, if it had been arranged, then I'd go, no questions. I get on well with my MIL but less so with my FIL hence the slight reticience. However, I enjoy Christmas all round more at my parents because it's how I like to do Christmas. We've never actually spent a Christmas with the DS's (now 4 & 2) at my MIL's. Until this year she'd been separated from my FIL for 7 years, so she always came to spend the holiday with either us or us & my parents. This year will be the first for ages that we'll spend with just my parents as MIL and FIL are back together.

24-hour shift . poor you! I hope he doesn;t have to do the Christmas shift very often. if there's nothing hapenneing at ILs on boxing day does that mean you can plan something really nice and special for just you, dcs, and dh?

FourArms - I feel much the same.

He has never done the Christmas shift before - not in 15 years - but it was inevitable eventually. Boxing Day will definitely be just for us five. In fact as he's got the whole week off afterwards we'll have 7 days with him, hooray!

Go you selfish cow.
It will mean a lot to them and to your children.
Relax, get pleasantly pissed, let them do the work and read.

Lovely.