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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Anybody else feeling criticised in the run-up to Christmas?

11 replies

onthepier · 04/11/2008 22:01

Firstly, I absolutely love Christmas, especially now that we have two dc's, and I love spending the festive period with family, as well as doing all the traditional things, blessing of the crib services on Christmas Eve, pantomimes, etc.

Anyway, my MIL was asking about present ideas for our dc's, + suggested something that we'd already bought for our daughter. She seemed disappointed, so I suggested she buy it from us + give it to her granddaughter herself. She seemed very happy with that but later in the week my SIL phoned + said she had just gone + bought this particular item as her mum (my MIL), said I'd suggested it!! Explained that we'd already got it as I'd originally said to MIL, + she seemed most annoyed that she'd have to return it, + seemed to blame me!!

She rang again the next day asking about a particular toy truck she was thinking of buying our ds, (it's part of a set that he's got a lot of, + loves new additions). From her description I knew we hadn't got that particular one as she said it had a trailer. Anyway, she went + bought it. She was at our house the other day + suddenly went, "Oh no!" Apparently the truck my ds was playing with, (we've had it ages), is the one she's just gone + bought! It's just been revamped though with a trailer addition (which I didn't know about). Anyway, lots of eye rolling + sighing from her, + mutterings about speaking only to her brother, (my dh) about present ideas as I clearly haven't got a clue + now she's got two things to take back to the shop!!

I must admit I'm quite upset over all this, I've done a lot of my Christmas shopping already, (largely for my dc's + their little cousins), so it's not as if I'm clueless!

Not only this, but my mum mentioned a particular computer game she was thinking of buying my dd. I suggested another one instead, that my dd has been asking for for weeks! Anyway she's bought it, but keeps saying she thinks my dd would prefer her original idea, every time I speak to her! I feel like telling her not to ask us in future, just buy what she wants! We've had this other years too.

Both our children also have birthdays very close to Christmas so everybody's thinking double for both of them. I know they all just want to get the right thing but we might just suggest money or vouchers next year, + we do the shopping!! Wondered whether anybody else has these problems.

OP posts:
LittleFairySmile · 04/11/2008 22:09

Oh yes - and I only have one DC! My DS is only 2 and a half and parents and in-laws, both wanting to buy nice things. It's all out of love, but I often feel, well, I can't explain it really, just down-trodden.

Charlene1 · 05/11/2008 02:32

Yes, my DS has his birthday straight after xmas, so up to now he has asked for 3 things that come to about £200 for xmas and birthday, and a party which is about another £100.
My DD hasn't asked for anything expensive.
Our budget consists of about £100 for everything at the minute, unless we win the lottery!!
MIL told me today she has bought something we have no room for and will get one of the expensive toys for DS.
SIL told me she has something for DD that again is large & expensive, and we have no room for.
So, I know it sounds ungrateful, but I wish they would ask before they go ahead and buy things, as I can't afford to spend the same on them in return (so their presents will be "better" than ours ), or my nieces/nephews etc - and my kids will have to get rid of toys they play with just to fit the new stuff in - not fair, and a waste of money.
So I am feeling poor, inadequate and guilty as we have a small house now.
My friend had the situation last year where she told everyone NOT to buy something for her dd as she had got it for her - her sister and mother both bought one and complained because she had bought it first - and tried to make her take it back!!!
Oh, and don't forget the guilt trips that come with cooking xmas dinner to perfection and running round after everyone at your own expense!!

compo · 05/11/2008 09:38

it's a nightmare isn't it?
tbh I'd rather everyone just got suprises
Mil started asking what the dcs wwanted for xmas in July for god's sake.
She hadn't even had her birthday by then
They sem to want to outdo us and get a big present all the time
Mil wanted to buy ds is first bike and was most put out when we bought it
It sounds petty but it's like they want all the glory
I know grandparents are meant to spoil them but it'd be nice not to feel bad about buying my own children something!!

TooFoggy · 05/11/2008 11:37

You are not alone! As they get older the toys get smaller and its easier.

Weegle · 05/11/2008 11:45

it's tough but can I put a view from the other perspective?

I have a nephew who is utterly overwhelmed with toys. So I looked really hard and found something unique (a wooden toolbox which you can use the box to make things). I thought I better tell sis what I had got. She tells me he's got it. So I go ok, what can I get then? So she say anything Fireman Sam or dressing up. So I got him a fireman's dressing up outfit. Next I see pictures of him on FB of him dressed in a fireman's outfit! So I admit I emailed her in a bit of a humph and said she better tell me exactly what to get as I was getting annoyed! Now maybe I should have been more gracious but when I had put thought in to something twice and not intended to have to go shopping again, it was a bit infuriating!

I know your situation is slightly different but I wouldn't take it personally and if she feels happier dealing with your DP then fine, let her.

Weegle · 05/11/2008 13:02

it's tough but can I put a view from the other perspective?

I have a nephew who is utterly overwhelmed with toys. So I looked really hard and found something unique (a wooden toolbox which you can use the box to make things). I thought I better tell sis what I had got. She tells me he's got it. So I go ok, what can I get then? So she say anything Fireman Sam or dressing up. So I got him a fireman's dressing up outfit. Next I see pictures of him on FB of him dressed in a fireman's outfit! So I admit I emailed her in a bit of a humph and said she better tell me exactly what to get as I was getting annoyed! Now maybe I should have been more gracious but when I had put thought in to something twice and not intended to have to go shopping again, it was a bit infuriating!

I know your situation is slightly different but I wouldn't take it personally and if she feels happier dealing with your DP then fine, let her.

onthepier · 05/11/2008 21:23

Thanks for all your replies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's experienced this!

I do understand the other point of view, Weegle, and realise that there's frustration on both sides. I'm lucky that the dc's have grandparents, aunts + uncles that think so much of them + want to treat them, I suppose it's coming up with all these ideas at once, with Christmas + their birthdays being so close!!

OP posts:
LittleFairySmile · 05/11/2008 22:23

Anyone found a good solution then - to stop the 'double' gifts and save space in the bedrooms? I'd really like to know!

frazzled74 · 05/11/2008 23:59

last year i asked both my mum and mil "to help out" I said that dc's had wrote to father christmas and asked for various items that i hadnt already got covered and could they possibly pick one or two to buy them, so as to avoid disappointment, or us spending out even more. seemed to make them feel that they were helping us and pleasing grandchildren .

Joolyjoolyjoo · 06/11/2008 00:05

Ah, the joys of the Christmas season! We have it sussed- MIL can't be bothered to buy presents (or even come to see them at Christmas, despite gracious invites), so she sends money, and I buy them what I want! My dad asks me what to get them, I get it, tell him how much he owes me, he is relieved (I also do the rest of his Christmas shopping) With most of my close friends a few of us group together to buy something specifically asked for in the correct price-zone for birthdays, and we have an unwritten rule that we don't buy each other's children Christmas presents.

LittleFairySmile · 06/11/2008 16:51

MIL and mum both want to buy what they think he'll like, not what we suggest. MIL said 'I am perfectly capable of thinking of presents' when I asked if she wanted some ideas. Goodness only knows what we'll end up with!

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