I really don't like Christmas - help

[CicatrickOrTreat]

I really don't like Christmas, but DH does and now that we have a child I have to enter into the whole thing far more than I would under my own steam.

So, how do I do it without driving myself crazy?

why dont you like it?

Keep it simple. Start some new family traditions. dont get into the whole 'who are we going to this year?'

or become a Jehovah's witness as they dont do Christmas!!

Try and see Xmas through your childs eyes that should help. All the wonder of the lights and the music and the season in general for a child. Dont feel you have to go mental with presents, my childs first xmas I spend £40 on her and she had a happy xmas and still loves watching her first xmas on video (she is 7 now). Have a quiet family xmas at home and if people want to visit then let them but dont be pushed into the whole where are we going this year thing.

You need to think about what it is you don't like and plan accordingly.

My mum was killed not long before Christmas when I was a child - my dad never got over it, and also disliked Christmas. My grandparents obviously never got over it either.

They also had a rather begrudging attitude to the whole thing, "Oh I have to do this and buy that, and this is the last year I'm going to bother etc."

I'm of the opinion if you don't want to do it, don't do it. This is unpopular in the family. They make a big deal, but they don't enjoy making a big deal IYSWIM.

you will probably be surprised at how much you will enjoy it because of your LO. And as your LO gets older and understands it more, you may find yourself really starting to enjoy things again. It will always bring back sad memories, but as time passes, those memories will be more of the great things about christmas, not the bad things.

Only you know how bad this will be for you. My mum died on christmas eve (altho I was in my 20s at the time, not a child) and there were young grandchildren in the family (the newest arrival was born on the day of her funeral). My dad said altho he couldn't enjoy it the same he was all for doing it for the children. It became a traddition that every christmas eve we went to the grave, had our moments remembering and then doing the whole christmas thing for the kids. Eventually we enjoyed christmas once again (it's been almost 15yrs) she would not have wanted the kids to miss out. I dont think it's disrespectful to your mum, did she enjoy christmas? As others have said christmas thru the eys of a child is magical, enjoy your little one and I hope all goes well whatever you decide to do.

Also. my nephew who was born the day of the funeral knew exactly who mum was so she remained part of our lives.

My thoughts will be with all those who find that time of year difficult.

Given the circumstances it isn't surprising that as a family you haven't in the past really enjoyed Christmas. Now you have children of your own though you may start to see things differently.

It must be really hard for you and I can't pretend to understand how you must feel.

Try to think of it as time to create happy family memories with your children, rather than as a holiday in which you have to do certain things. Sure, your children (and other members of your family) might want turkey and crackers - and that's fine - but how can you create happy memories for you? Write a list of five things you want to do - such as have a chocolate pudding instead of a christmas one, play a board game with your children or go swimming the day after boxing day. These can be new traditions in your family and they can sit quite happily alongside other, more traditional ones, but at the same time making this time of year one that you can look forward to for the things you do that you enjoy - even if some of the other things aren't so much fun for you.

I really hope you find something to look forward to x

How sad

do you remember any Christmases before your mum died?

If you do, hold on to that feeling you had with her and imagine your child feeling that way about you.

Your child deserves the magic and you deserve to heal.

I used to be exactly the same, before I had DD. My Dad died on Christmas Eve when I was 11, and Christmas was never the same after that. I never even had a Christmas tree, when it was just DH and me, but when we had dd, I decided it was time to start enjoying. The first few years were very tough, but tbh, just having a child in the house, really does help. Obviously, since I was only 11 when he died, I had a lot of years between then and DD arriving, so I had done all my grieving and I had just got myself into the mindset that Christmas was always going to be crap.

Why don't you start some new traditions with your family? You will never forget the Christmases with your Mum, but its not nice for your LO to hate it because of you. (I'm not being rude when I say that, remember I know how hard it is!)

One very important thing that I do on Christmas Day, is raise a glass to my Dad and actually a lot of the time, its DH that starts the toast. My dad would have loved his GD, she's very special and I make it special for her. Your mum wouldn't want you to be miserable for ever and tbh, she'd probably tell you off for not making it fun for her grandchild!

You are not alone in feeling like this, there's 3 of us on this thread for a start, so stick with us and we'll help you through.

Thanks for responses. I was one when my mum died so don't remember her at all (apparently she loved Christmas).

I think that I just have to be proactive, and decide what we as a family should do. The new traditions idea is a good one and I think I'll start with that.

Cheers

My dad died just before Christmas too (17 years ago). That first Christmas was so sad we didn't put up decorations and went to stay with family that year. My dad loved Christmas so for the years that followed I have put the decorations up on the anniversary of his death and celebrate his life.

I agree that you need to try to move on from the bad memories of your Christmas as a child and build new traditions and memories with your own family. I do think it's very sad that you were too young to miss your mother at Christmas but the adults around you allowed their grief to prevent you enjoying what could have been a happy time...

When I was a child I somehow felt that my birthday (soon after Christmas) was an anti-climax. I remember once getting up all excited and found my grandfather (who lived with us) already up, sitting by the fire, looking morose. I only found out a few years ago that his first wife died on what would be my birthday. She was very young, they had a baby, etc. So although my grandfather was hopeful that my birthday would replace the sad memories, I don't think it did really. My mum said that he was always glad when the Christmas period was over...

I feel for you Cica.

I don´t like it either.. I have never liked it, even as a child I would watch TV while my sisters and my mum did all the xmas decorations...It´s much worse when you are the only one who doesn´t get it... and agree there´s no point "getting into it" if you don´t enjoy it..

I am lucky ny DP hates it too, but at some point we will have DCs and we will have to do something...(arghhh).

At the moment we just take time off and rent a place on the beach..