@RipplePlease I also meant to mention your friend with fibro. Finding the right meds is often a massive challenge as you (IME) end up having to choose between something that helps but gives you other side effects, or something stronger which then means you can't drive. There's so much out there thats also contraindicated with other meds and conditions that they are often also ruled out. Most meds are ruled out for me, or I find them so goddam awful that I just say Forget It!!
What I would say (having been part of fibro / chronic pain groups and specialist charity groups for years) is that fibro rarely presents on its own. There's usually somwthing else at play. Around 50% of people I know who were diagnosed initially with fibro, then found out years later that it was in fact something else. Often thyroid related despite having been 'checked before and told all ok' One of my good friends is now in pretty decent health after finally being diagnosed and medicated for her 'real' issue. This is after years and years.
It doesn't help that fibro is a diagnosis given when medics aren't necessarily sure what else it could be. It's all still rather vague. It's hard to keep fighting when you are utterly exhausted and feeling at rock bottom, but I have always believed in second opinions, asking questions and pushing for other tests and answers.
Miranda Hart's book 'I haven't been entirely honest with you' is worth a read if you think your friend may be interested. Miranda spent a decade of her life very poorly and in bed most of the time. She finally found out she had ME caused by an undiagnosed episode of Lyme disease earlier in life. Some of her 'Treasures' that she describes in the book (coping mechanisms) are actually really helpful.
I spent two years myself between 49 and 51 on the sofa (other than driving DD to school) and I do still have to spend a lot of time resting (I have to lie down between activities for 15 mins) but I finally worked out what did and didnt help for me and now enjoy life. I do run out of spoons at 6pm every day so cannot do evening activities, but I am living my most active life in six years. Pacing and diet are big ones for me. The biggest one though is focusing on myself. I mean really focusing on myself. Such a difference.
Once you a. Know and b. Fully understand exactly what you are dealing with, then you can work out what does and doesn't work for you. You can accept, adapt and adjust your life in a way that works for you. It often takes a lot of trial and error, some soul searching and some real radical changes, but it's so important to focus on yourself. I found my biggest barrier and the thing that exhausted me most was Other People Not Understanding. I bet if you asked your friend that, she would agree (it's often discussed in chronic pain / illness forums and webinars)
Knowing you aren't alone and joining a support group can be really helpful. I joined an EDS one when I was first diagnosed and it really helped me. There are always one or two folk who turn it into a possing competition, but I find that's more with the meet ups. At least online you can dip in an out.
Worth checking out this organisarion:
https://www.fmauk.org/contactsmenu/supportgroups
Sorry that ended up being rather long, but it's something I am passionate about and have thrown myself into researching for six years now.