Single parent- gifts

[Anonymouseky]

I have two children (9 and 6). This is the first year that the kids seemed a bit sad that I hadn’t got anything in my stocking. I’m conscious that what they witness now could frame their views of gift giving for their spouse/ female relatives in the future. I feel like it’s important that they see I have got something because of the bigger picture. It’s the same on my birthdays. I do get some gifts from other relatives but not from the children.other people don’t seem to take this on board to arrange anything. What would you suggest? Some years I have bought myself something to open, but it feels a bit daft. Contemplating giving them some money to ‘choose’ something for me from a shop. This really isn’t about me being sad at the lack of gifts. This is about the bigger picture. It really annoys me that women all over are overlooked and ignored when they do so much for other people. I don’t want my own children growing up and thinking that’s ok.

I give my children money to buy gifts for their dad and me. It works out well in terms of teaching expectations, even when the gifts are appalling, like this year’s wet cheese (not refrigerated after purchase last month)!

My sister is a single mum and I’ve always made a huge fuss to her kids about them choosing her Christmas presents, which I pay for and wrap and then they give them to her on Christmas Day. One year when they were young they got her a 4 pack of andrex puppy loo roll as they said she was always talking about how much loo roll they used so would really like that. Who was I to argue 😂🤷🏼‍♀️. This year they got her a pink princess plant , a hedgehog purse as hers was lost a few weeks ago, an radio controlled clock and some of the most terrifying goat cushions I’ve ever seen in my life.

for next year could you take the kids to the shops and let them choose things for you while you sit outside with a coffee? Or wrap your own little presents throughout the year and then all open your stockings together?

I’m a firm believer that most gift giving should be reserved for children. Most adults have everything they need and our planet doesn’t need more ‘stuff’.

Encourage children to create some artwork to give, or bake cookies.

I used to give mine money and let her loose in Waterstones. Sometimes I got an enamel mug, keyring, pens, sometimes a book, one year I had a guinea pig wall calendar.
Then I told her I just want a book and chocolate, had that for a few years, made me very happy.

I'm a single parent but civil enough with kid's dad that we swap a present and pretend it's from kid so he sees us both open something separately.

I think as he gets older I'll be giving him a fiver and letting him lose in Tesco or something. No issue with training kids to be thoughtful of you!

Oh, that’s a very poor show on the part of any adult relatives you’re on good terms with! Of course they should be encouraging and supervising your children to buy you Christmas and birthday and mothers’ day gifts.

Speak to those people - using the suitably persuasive argument you’ve used here; that it’s not good for your children to see their mother neglected. And that treating people who care for them well (in tangible and intangible ways) makes the world a better place.

Thanks all, I’m going to give them some money to pick something out for me in future. I meant to plan something this year, but I got so busy planning everything for everyone else that I ran out of time. Every year I say to myself that I won’t miss myself out, but always do 🙈

Definitely next year give them some money and bring them to shops which are appropriate for the amount they have to spend. They should be well able to pick a few bits and go to cash desk and pay. Give them a few hints beforehand of what you might like.

dd wanted to choose me some new socks and a calendar at the garden centre, she hid them behind her back, I closed my eyes whilst I paid and she ‘wrapped’ them herself!

I think encouraging children to think of others at Christmas or birthdays is a good thing. You are right, OP, too many women are just ignored and overlooked when they are single parents (or even if the are not). I’m lucky, my brother always plots with my daughter for my birthday and for Christmas and I have opened some very random things as he lets her have free rein! And even though my ex is a total arsehole I know there is nobody else who will help my daughter choose something as a gift for her so I facilitate it. Not because I think it’s a nice thing to do for my ex but because I want my daughter to know that being thoughtful when it comes to gift giving is part of showing we care about people. I hope you can find a way to work this out for you and your kids.

When My DC were younger I would use the gift rhyme to help them think about gifts rather than just walking round shops. IN November I would sit down with them and write the something you need, read ect and ask them to think about things that they think I would like from each category and then they would write a list. I wasn't in the room when they would do this unless they asked for some help.

i Would give them pocket money and tell them they need to save this to budget for gifts they want to give people if it’s ‘from’ them

or you could buy a beauty advent calendar but don’t open it for advent, tell your kids to fill your stocking with it or say it’s from Santa if you still do that.

I have two wonderful friends who buy things for my young son to give to me which is incredibly kind and I’m always extremely grateful. I also have an adult daughter who does the same. I save a little throughout the year to have a splurge on myself at Christmas and son wraps those and puts them under the tree.