Christmas pressure and burnout

[StellaBella1998]

I’ve just got a flat with my partner and 11 month old DD and we were hosting for the first time, and was DD’s first Christmas too. I had felt so excited all December - we had been so relieved to get our flat and had been making it really nice. I hadn’t really been excited about Christmas in years but it was sort of magical again doing it for my baby, and I really enjoy hosting and miss my family.

So yeah the day went by and was good, I feel grateful and happy nothing went wrong, everyone liked the dinner and got on, no arguments, a brief game. I feel guilty though as if I should have spent more time with everyone, even and maybe especially DD. I feel really sad about it. I had nice one on one time with her doing her stocking opening in the morning and breakfast, but as I was cooking the whole dinner, cleaning up, hosting etc, I would have like to have spent more quality time with her on the day and actually with everyone. She at least seemed to be very happy all day, never not getting attention, I know she had a nice day, she just likes being around family who love her I think really.

I think I often have a wobble on Boxing Day.. I even feel a slight sadness come on when it gets late on Christmas Day. I struggle with it all being over so quickly, especially if you were excited about it and so much has lead up to it. Every year I forget I’m going to get sad when it’s over.. but I think perhaps it’s particularly strong right now as a lot has changed in my life (just normal, people moving etc) and I’m clinging on to the past and happy memories. I need to just be happy I’m making new happy memories now in this chapter.

I think my mistake this year was, by being excited about hosting for the first time, unknowingly putting loads of pressure on myself and tryna enforce it was the best Xmas ever, when it was pleasant but truthfully mediocre and not like really fun everyone laughing the whole time, we’ve all had better definitely and I just wish I socialised more and had more time with everyone. I feel like there just aren’t enough hours in the day… plus next year I will want help with the food I think cos I want to spend time with people and maybe am not as capable of managing it all as I thought.

Apologies if you made it through this ramble. Genuinely feel really good having wrote this and have had a good cry and feel a lot better.

Wonder if anyone else can relate with feeling a late Christmas / Boxing Day come-down / sadness?

Yup, every year I have a come down on Christmas night and boxing day. I think the run up is the best bit tbh 😂
You'll get used to it hun
Enjoy the new flat and dc x

😂😂 Thank you, so glad it’s not just me. Think I’m deeping it a bit. Thanks very very much!! ❤️

If you know you get a massive comedown, maybe next year plan something fun for 26/27th to stretch it out a bit?

Christmas gets built up so much that it's normal to feel heightened emotions over it. If you are hosting again, definitely accept help so you get time to spend with your DD as she gets older and starts to understand more.

We did Xmas dinner on Xmas eve this year which left Christmas Day for playing with the kids, relaxing and having fun. We had picky bits for lunch buffet style Xmas day and it was fabulous. It was one of the first Christmas where I felt present! I would highly recommend recommend this!

I love christmas and I worked out a few years into having DC that I love the build up and christmas eve is my favourite day. I then always feel sad christmas day evening and boxing day because my fave season is coming to an end.
Every year myself and DH have a convo about things we want to change and things we want to keep the same. This has helped us streamline christmas day so that we maximise our time.

I always feel sad going to bed on Christmas Day! I find the run up to Christmas stressful but it’s the build up that I like, so that’s confusing 🤣

But, I now appreciate those down days. I always stay in PJs on 27th and just hang out at home eating Christmas food. I try to look at it as Christmas starts on 24th and carries on until New Year. I’m continually saying ‘it’s still Christmas’.

I think society is pushing it earlier and earlier, well consumerism is. People are sick of it by actual Christmas because they put their tree up at the start of November. I’ve seen people saying they take their tree down Christmas night! Utter madness IMO. I’m not sick of my tree because I didn’t put it up at Halloween.

Sorry, I got sidetracked there 🤣 but I also feel sad when birthdays are over too. I always feel guilty putting my daughter to bed on her birthday because it’s all over.

Being a mum is all about the guilt too. If you feel guilty, you’re probably doing it right.

I can’t watch a Christmas movie on Christmas Day because I’m too envious of the people in the film that are still watching for Santa to come 🤣

Same here. I was emotional yesterday but had to remind myself it was also partly exhaustion after months of prep. I have 3 kids 8 and under. The build up really is the special bit. The peak for me is going to a christmas lights event which is epic and having a blow out day with hot choc, marshmallows, hot chips etc we wouldn't usually do. We were lucky to make it this year as the day after my son then got quite sick 😫 Christmas day itself is a blur which feels over in minutes.

Its a rollercoaster and I'm sad that bit is over.
But it wont be long before it comes around again

This is what we've done for the last few years, it works great for us.

Not Christmas but I did this for my DD 1st birthday. So learn from your mistake and in a month when your DD turns 1 don’t do a huge party/host out of excitement where you don’t actually spend time with her again. And whilst you’re putting away your Xmas decorations, include a hand written note to yourself that says ‘don’t host/spend the day with DD’ so that beginning of December 2026 you’ll read it and not repeat mistakes!

Maybe you need to lower expectations and let the day flow naturally as not everyone can be laughing all day and feeling guilt at not getting enough time with DD is silly as you spend a year giving her time. Doing chores on christmas day is no different from chores any other time of the year so why feel guilt at doing dishes etc. It doesnt have to be perfect but let it flow naturally.

I enjoy the build up to christmas such as pantomimes with teen and cinema. We visit family before or after xmas and on the day we let it flow as it should with no vision of it being perfect.

I think of Christmas as a season, not a single day. We just can't manage to see everyone, eat everything, deal with presents and guests in one day, so we spread it out. Christmas Eve is the best for me. You sound like you managed the whole day beautifully.
The flat days between Boxing Day and New Year are when I get my income tax return done.

I felt things really intensely until my youngest turned three, and something (my hormones presumably) shifted and I started to have more balanced reactions.

It sounds like you’ve done really well, and everyone had a nice time, but that hyper alert mummy-brain that has to vigilant to keep little ones alive, has gone into over drive picking it apart for flaws.

It’s an incredibly adaptive reflex for an animal raising young in the wild to stay alert, scanning for trouble, after danger. But when you have logical, story generating frontal lobes, and a complex socially constructed reality that manufacturers unnecessary and prolonged states of heightened arousal, it results in a mish mash of emotions and odd thoughts.

Just be gentle with yourself for a while, hug the baby and remind yourself you’re doing a great job, because you are.

I love all of it but we do Christmas our way....small lol 😆 Always plan fun days on 26th and 27th. We like to go to the cinema on Boxing Day but sat and watched 3 hours of volume 2 Stranger Things with a maccy ds instead this year 😆 Loved every minute of it. We have a 2nd Christmas tomorrow as MIL was too ill over Christmas so she's popping round tomorrow to swap pressies, have a glass of bubbly (or 2) lol and eat 😁👍I think I'm the only one out of all my friends who still has their tree up 😁🎄

Oh and we did Christmas dinner on Christmas eve this year which was a big win. We're doing New Year's Dinner on New Year's Eve as the final Stranger Things episode drops on New Year's Day. Pizzas will be needed for this lol 😆