Upset or am I over reacting

[Lll898]

Hi my family pre covid always had a big family Christmas since then I have been left out all years but one.

2020 they made a bubble I was not included
2021 I asked can I come for Christmas we ordered the food and forgot sorry, they actually seemed really upset this was also my son's first Christmas
2022 second son first Christmas it will be really tight with you here
2023 actually made Christmas really nice
2024 we are going out for Christmas dinner don't think it's suitable for the boys
2025 in November told there won't be the room, my mum moved downsized, but the 'normal' Christmas bunch are there, mid December I think actually by accident I was told it had been moved for more space to my brothers ( more than enough room for all there) I still have not been invited

But this year come over Boxing day I am planned to head over tomorrow but held a video call and I watched them all together smiles and laughter, me not included again

I don't know why but this year has really affected me, I broke down in tears after the call, said out loud not good enough for Christmas but good enough for scraps

Never got upset before I have always been maybe next year

Nothing has gone on I just do not understand why, I did ask my mum why I am left out like I get in the way almost, she said I don't know why your saying that your always invited so I listed each Christmas since 2020 and left with silence but still nothing.

Should I be upset or am I just being silly ?

Stop going for Boxing Day. Tell them you're not a 2nd best option and no thanks.

I think your feelings are very valid, your family sound so insensitive. Are you the only one with kids? To be honest even if you were I would have thought everyone would have given you extra consideration as kids are the magic of Christmas. Look to yourself, think about what you need here, you can't control them, do you need to have a chat again with your mum and try to understand what's going on here? You've every right to, but you can't be assured you'll get any sensible response

Are they like this the rest of the year too?

Time to put yourself and your boys first. Don't accept any invites for Boxing Day. They have made their positions perfectly clear.

Not being silly, if you are an after thought stop pampering to them. You have two
options and it depends on family dynamics:

1. speak to your mum and tell her how you are feeling, have a proper heart to heart. If you think it will go well this could be a good option.

2. Don’t say anything, expect them to never change and accept it. Sod them next year but don’t tell them either. Do what you want, go away or have a little Christmas just your direct family. If they mention Boxing Day just say sorry I’ve got plans (no explaining needed).

Cancel going tomorrow. They dont value you and your family so sod them.

Gosh they sound awful. I would just do so,etching else tomorrow. Don’t waste your Boxing Day on them.

But when you feel stronger, do talk to your mum , to tell her how you feel.

But it sounds like , making your own traditions and just ignoring them, may be the way forward

I would think there is something going on, that’s not being said out loud.

is your DC dad still with you? Do they like him?

if he is not, are they the kind of people to be bothered about you being a single mother?

Would you be bringing a partner they find difficult or something? There has to be a reason.

I think you need to ask them why. Is it too much to have everyone there on Christmas day and it has fallen that others have always done this while they think you will be ok doing your own thing? Until you actually raise it though you won't really know what the issue is.

Are you the only one with children? Maybe they don't like children. That doesn't make it any better, they don't sound very nice, sorry you've had to deal with being excluded.

Either they don't like your partner or they want an adult Christmas without kids. Their saying that they're going out for lunch and it won't be suitable for the boys makes me think it might be the latter. After all, babies and children go to restaurants all the time! Do they like to have a lot of alcohol and not worry about children? Sorry, OP. 💐

Yes agree need to have a heart to heart with them.

I don't think there is anything wrong to be honest, went away end of October booked in spring and we went together and year before we all went in the Spring away for a week, but both occasions I booked first.

I cannot work out why at Christmas I gift what they ask for and I can wholly hearted say this is not met them to me,
This year again I have 2 shampoo sets this follows last year 3 bath sets, I actually brought it up last year on video call can I ask why you have all bought me the same thing, my niece from me had a Barbour coat brother a gym set and so on, so it's not like I've chosen not to treat them.

I really don't know what and that's what is upsetting me, as I said when I spoke to my mum a few weeks back, your always invited but I then listed the past 5 years to be met with silence do they not think ?

Either way I need to have a heart to heart at some point

I think the evidence that you're being left out is plain to see and your feelings very valid. Am so sorry OP, that's awful, it truly is.
I know it doesn't help, but forget them. Make your own lovely Christmas days with your children. Each one will get easier.

You’re underrating as they are all bein mean and nasty.

I am thinking lots of annoying MN cliches I’m afraid - chief among them being “drop the rope” and “match their energy”. These people either don’t care about you as much as you care about them, or they have got used to taking you for granted. Either way, I think you need to tell them once how being repeatedly overlooked by them has made you feel, and then stop. Stop trying, stop pouring effort into gifts, stop hoping that they’ll suddenly prioritise you and include you. If they want your relationships with you and your children to continue, let them do all the running. If they don’t, well then you focus on your own family, the one you’ve built, and take care of your own needs and happiness. You deserve better than table scraps from these weird, hurtful people.

Whatever you end up doing re boxing Day, I wouldn't bother with the nice presents anymore.
Conveniently forget to get anything (too busy with the DC) or regift them the same shite they give you
You deserve better.
I personally wouldn't be bothering with including them in my Xmas at all, and focus on your own children.