Panicking about having done christmas on a budget

[Eileen101]

I'm currently paying down debt as a single parent and this year I have done christmas on a huge budget. Most of my children's gifts are second hand from vinted (although that's their general status quo anyway), and gifts for my parents and step parents are token - a book, a candle, a garden ornament etc and I'm really panicking that it's not good enough.

Earlier in the week I was giving myself a metaphorical pat on the back for paying off a big chunk of debt and reaching a milestone, plus ending the month not overdrawn but now I am panicking that I should have bumped that to January and done christmas a bit better. My kids are small and won't notice or care, I guess I'm worried about the adults. Has anyone been in this situation without looking cheap????

Sounds great to me. If you were my relative I really wouldn't want you going into debt to get me a present, and often people appreciate things like a book or a candle much more than they would a bigger present that is going to take up space in their house.

Paying down debt doesn't look cheap.
Having a Christmas within your means doesn't look cheap.
Buying small presents for adults while you are managing as a single parent is more than good enough.

Stop panicking.
Your children will have a lovely Christmas, your adult relations will feel remembered because you got them a little something (and let's face it, for most adults the only things they really want are the things that are out of their own budget, or they would have already got them), and you'll start next year with lower debts.

You have done a great job and you should be proud of yourself.

Really well done you for prioritising stabilising your finances. There is so much unnecessary pressure to spend money.

Genuinely, if I was related to you I’d say please don’t buy me anything, and I would be extremely grateful for anything you did buy given your situation. A book or candle are wonderful gifts regardless 🎁

You have done really well!

You've done the right thing. Anyone who loves you won't want you to get into debt for the sake of a gift for them. Anyone that does care doesn't deserve your guilt.

I wouldn't want my family member /friend to buy me anything if they were struggling financially. Just time together is enough.

After several years of struggle i’m currently earning the most I ever have (not millions!) and I have still got lots of my presents from Vinted, charity shops etc. There is so much waste in the world. Please don’t force yourself back into debt to create more! What you have achieved is awesome.

You have 100% done the right thing. Well done. I really am not bothered about what I receive bar an insensitive gift. I’m always pleasantly surprised that I get any as I’m so thinking about what I’ve got others so please don’t stress. Look forward to a debt free 2026. Happy Chriatmas!

Any adult who loves you will be delighted you've done the right thing for you and DC.

As an adult I would be thrilled just to have a small token gift Vs loads of gifts. The children won't care as long as they have some toys. Well done paying down the debt. Much better use of the money and will give you greater security in the long run.

I'd be very proud of you if you were my DD. I would rather you didn't buy me a gift if you owed money. You have done very well.

You do not need to panic. Sounds like everyone has a present, and they should be grateful for that. My BIL and his wife never had much money and tended to give us something like a quality street tin (which we know came from work on a discount). That's the way it was and I dearly love my BIL, so more important to have him in my life.

Many years ago, if were giving a gift, it would have been something a lot more simple that what many do now. People still had a nice time.

That’s brilliant, well done. I get so much stuff from Vinted or Facebook market place. Especially for kids who grow out of clothes and toys so quickly. And the grown ups should appreciate the sentiment.
I always have a worry with what I get vs what a wealthy cousin gets us, but I simply can’t match it. Now I’ve learned to just accept thatS how it’s going to be and live with my worry.

For what it’s worth OP I haven’t particularly cheaped out but nor have I gone to town, I was congratulating myself yesterday on having it all done and now have the impulse to rush to town and buy more stuff..!!! I think it’s a mild form of Christmasitis. Let it pass.

Don't panic! It's Christmas, just a day. There will be another one son enough. I am another one who would far rather you didn't spend money you couldn't afford if you were someone close to me.

I think you’ve done amazing! Paying of debt is difficult especially at this time of year and should be really proud of yourself that you’ve done it. Honestly as adults I think all we want is a token gift. It’s about knowing someone care enough about you to put in the time and effort to get you a gift. It’s really not about the monetary value at all.

That’s awesome- well done for sticking to your guns. Any/every adult will be proud of you for paying off your debts rather than spending big.
However, next time I would just send a message in November saying you’re concentrating on finances and the kids so adult presents will be small/ non existent so that others can adjust their spending on you accordingly. That way you won’t be worried.

Yes! I had this feeling yesterday when one of orders didn’t arrive in time. It’s madness and afflicts us all. Resist ! All the shops are open on Boxing Day!

Good for you! No need to feel bad at all.

A family member informed me the other day that they're still paying off Christmas presents from 2018 onwards on one of their accounts.

It's just not worth all that for one day is it.

We do this anyway for the last 10 years or so- only buy for kids until 21 apart from our DC and DH and I buy each other a gift. It’s so much easier.

I would give yourself that pat on the back. Relax and enjoy time with your family this Christmas knowing you're going into a new year with your financial situation under control.

Are your parents and step-parents really so shallow and materialistic that they’d want to see you struggle financially just so you can buy them shit? And so self-absorbed and judgemental they’d view your gifts as ‘cheap’ and not enough?

If they’re really those kind of people I wouldn’t be too concerned about their opinions because their values are way off. And if they’re not, then they’ll appreciate the thought and effort you’ve put into their presents with no concern for the cost - especially if they’re aware of your situation.

Massive congratulations on reaching your debt milestone - you should be ending the year on a high, celebrating that achievement. Don’t undermine all your hard work by starting to beat yourself up over a few presents for grown-ups!

Well done. Keep reminding yourself it is 1 day. Presents are a small part of it.

We've had years when we've had to cut back and tbh the atmosphere with us all being together hasn't been any different when I've spurgled on gifts.

Can you wrap the pat on the back in shiny paper and ribbons as it’s a symbol of the best present you could give your family although it’s a little sad that your family don’t know that you have been struggling - because I would never expect anything but a simple cheap token from my children especially those who are struggling financially and I think my mother is the same (even though I have more cash than she does )

OP if your kids are small, doing Christmas on a small budget IS the way to go REGARDLESS of your income.

They don't NEED a huge amount. The majority of young kids will be happy with just a few things that are spot on. The rest is almost noise to them because they can't take in anymore.

By going small now, you set reasonable expectations that you can match and keep to going forward, so you don't get bigger children who are overly demanding and grabby.

This ultimately works for everyone - no one is disappointed.

What you are currently experiencing is the Christmas Eve Itch where you think 'fuckkkkkk have I got it wrong?' This is normal. The correct response is to ignore it rather than rush out and panic buy today when you inevitably will buy expensive shite, that won't be as appreciated as what you have already bought anyway. Learn to resist the urge.

Christmas Eve is where the chill out starts - as soon as it hits 4pm and you can't do any more shopping there's almost a sense of 'ahhhhh and now it starts, I'm locked down for two days'. Go with it.

It's that moment of anticipation where you worry whether they will like their presents.

They will.

I love small gifts like this - I feel uncomfortable when people buy my huge presents, it just seems to escalate the pressure year on year. Dh and I are both panicking that they will have spent more but then I check myself and say it doesn’t matter - truly what they want is to spend time with us.

And genuinely I have never, ever in my life sat down and thought “they didn’t spend much”.

Have a wonderful Christmas and remind yourself the spirit of the season - don’t be sucked in by the consumerist nightmare.

Also I see far too many people who fall into the trap that presents = love. Therefore the more presents you buy, the more love you are showing.

Don't fall into this trap either. That way, only madness lies.