Overwhelmed 4 year old on christmas day

[Newmummy343]

Hi

Not sure if I'm posting this on the right section but I just wondered if anyone else is feeling the same. I have a not long turned 4 year old boy.

On Christmas day we have some family coming over for a couple of hours at 11am. Then we are away to my sisters at about 2pm where there will be 12 of us. My son is the only child that will be there. I just keep feeling worried that he'll act up and be overwhelmed and want to go home as such a busy day.

I know he's just a child but I'm worried the other adults will just think he's being ungrateful, has anyone got any tips for them decompressing. I was going to see about bringing his tablet and even if he could chill for 30 mins and have some quiet time.

Not really sure what im asking, i'm probably just over thinking things. Thanks

I think i'm just worried because he can find it overwhelming if there is too many people and the older he gets the more I notice he just needs some time to just decompress. The tablet I've only ever used for really long car journeys or an aeroplane but I had thought it might help.

I am sure he'll be fine and its just me overthinking, the rest of the holidays we have no plans so at least its just one busy day. He definitely needs to know what the plans are and i have been explaining it to him but will just see what happens.

I know I worry far too much what other people think but park etc sounds really good if he is just needing some time. 😊 thanks everyone for your kind comments and tips.

A 4 year old does not need a tablet...

I'm sure I'll get shot down for this but he doesnt play games or that on the tablet. It just has Netflix that we downloaded so he could watch a programme on it when we were on the plane. I had thought it might help to be able to just sit for half an hour and watch something he wanted. But there is a park round the corner from my sisters so I will do that with him if hes needing some time. 😊

Unless He has special needs then he’ll be absolutely fine. Children are very adaptable and it’s good they learn asap to fit into our lives and not the other way around. Don’t pander to a 4 year old! He’ll be ok.

My goodness, how deluded! Please don't be so dismissive of children's individual needs. Irrespective of special needs or not.
Parents need to adapt their lives for their children. The OP is not pandaing to her 4 year old. She is recognising he may struggle in an all adult environment and is ensuring she does things during the day to ensure he can manage and enjoy his day.

We’re taking our almost 4yo to ILs for dinner. There will be 9 of us and only 2 of them are children (ours and a 13yo cousin).
Plan is to have dinner first so he’s not hungry and will hopefully stem the flow of sweets/chocolates.
Then presents, a walk then games and home. Will be there approx 4 hours.

Back up plan for if it gets too much is for me to take him into a separate room with a book/puzzle/toy and just bring him right back down by getting him to focus on just that 1 thing.

I would go assuming he’s going to get a bit bored and you’ll have to miss some of it so you can occupy him. Go prepped with a favourite toy as familiarity will help with regulation. And limit how much time you’ll spend there.
Also, if the eating times there are very different to yours, take healthy snacks.
We did all of this last year and it worked reasonably well.

It isn't good for anybody for life to revolve around your children, but it equally isn't reasonable to make no concession for their needs/wants/opinion either. Attending the gathering but with some forethought to what will make the day pleasant and manageable for the child too is the right choice.

He will be fine! Park and a familiar toy (tablet) don't overthink, just enjoy and play your departure by ear
Have a very merry christmas xx

Don’t decide in advance that he’ll be overwhelmed, most kids are happy to see people who give them presents!

If he’s struggling - or you are - go for a walk instead of shutting him in a room with a tablet.

My daughter is autistic and we live overseas so she finds family gatherings very tricky. We are currently at our in-laws and about to welcome 5 more people she barely knows - Christmas is 11 people, 9 adults and her and her brother. She takes lots of breaks, I ensure she goes outside every day and I’m proactive about enforcing her boundaries (no touching people, no talking if she can’t manage - she has selective mutism - that sort of thing). Absolutely think a runaround in between will help a lot.

So long as someone is playing with him and keeping him busy, he’ll probably be fine. If he’s expected just to sit quietly while the adults chat, then that’s more of a problem .

I'd deliberately buy an outdoor toy - stomp rockets are great, or a robust remote control toy- and if relatives don't have a big garden then earmark the nearest playpark. If the busy house is too much then hoick them outside to play.

Mine is older and already overwhelmed!

There is nothing wrong with allowing a child 30 mins to watch tv they like as a distraction.
my 3 and 6 year old have tablets and watch things we’ve downloaded for them or they play games on it for 30 mins.

Lots of more substantial snacks, so he's not constantly snacking on sugar and then crashing.

Things like breadsticks/carrot sticks and dip, nuts and raisins (obv be careful with nuts as choking hazard), grapes, cut up apple with peanut butter, cheese and crackers.

New toys will keep him occupied for some time. Try to get him out for a bit of fresh air at some point. Quiet snuggle on the sofa with a film in the afternoon, don't worry if he has a bit of a nap.

Get him to sit on the toilet for a bit tonight so if he needs a poo he won't be holding it all day.

Everyone expects young children to go a bit loopy with excitement at Christmas, don't worry!

Maybe in the future you need to think about a more child centred Christmas Day and see all the adults on another day.

For many children seeing family is child-centred.

I remember one year when dd was around 3 years old, we went to relatives for Christmas dinner, my dd is autistic which makes things even harder (she was non verbal and still in pull ups), it was possibly the worst Christmas as dd was totally overwhelmed. Since then we have stayed at home and refused any invites. She’s now 19 and we still spend Christmas at home with the occational guest.

I would have hated going to relatives at Christmas as a child, we always spent it at home and would have family come to us (grandparents).

You are going to family! They understand kids get overwhelmed.

Try some quiet time as well a calm older adult is usually great for this!

He probably will act up. It’s Christmas. My Nephew is always a bit sick of it all as he has to swap between his parents on Xmas which upsets him and then is also the only child. We all understand that he is small and knackered and overstimulated and don’t judge if he acts out.

Rest assured, OP, the novelty will distract him! My DCs had elderly great-aunts & uncles who were very old school. I used to worry like you, but just their presence seemed to fascinate mine! Great aunt would organise charity jumble sales so she always has a basket of old & unusual toys - they’d LOVE that, plus a tour of their garden if things got heated. Am sure you will be ok, great your sister will help, too! Mine loved especially loved being treated “like grown ups”…

We had a Christmas party at the weekend when DD nearly 4 was the only child with 11 adults- half over 60. It was hard, she loved being with the adults but also needed alot of entertaining, got bored quickly. Didn’t help that it’s a really small house not even enough seats for all the adults so hardly room to run around! We limited it to 2.5hrs there. Some things that helped were snacks, my partner and I taking it in turns to entertain/watch her, a few small activities for her and the biggest one was the garden- She loved wandering around out there with us or other relatives and it gave her some space, room to run and the other adults some time to talk without her wanting to be involved in every conversation!

Years ago, we took my boisterous 5 year twins to Christmas with friends (a couple of their elderly relatives). Around 10 ish we took them to the local park and one of those natural rustic wooden playgrounds with zip wires and trails. It was so busy, jammed packed with Dads/uncles and kids off their tits on selection boxes. It was a really good atmosphere everyone cheery and wishing each other Happy Christmas. The children got to let off steam. You'll be fine. Happy Christmas

Are the adults into your child? Our 4 year old DD was often the only child (we have a 1yo now too) and loves it, same sketch for our friends too. If everyone plays or interacts with them for 15 mins that’s hours worth of entertainment/fun without toys or a tablet.

We would always have a nap room set aside so they could continue their usual routine. A long day around nothing but noisy adults is designed to overwhelm a kid. A visit to the park is good to get outside, but a 4 yr old may also need a quiet room to nap in as well.

Take no notice OP. A 4 year old shouldnt be on a tablet all the time but there is absolutely no problem with using it like you had already described!