Shopping for our children - difference in shopping styles between husband and me

[Numberblocky]

I am a bit stressed out tbh over presents for mine and my husband's children. We have two primary aged children.

I know someone will ask, so we both work about the same number of hours and also split childcare about equally.

We have a joint bank account but we do fun stuff like Christmas presents out of our own money, so nobody is clearing out the bank accounts for presents.

Anyway, my husband hates shopping for, or even discussing, Christmas in advance. He likes to start shopping in December. He is also naturally quite frugal.

I like being more organised and find shopping late quite stressful. I am also naturally less frugal, but definitely not a spendthrift. This is just a difference in opinion and neither one of us is wrong per se.

Anyway, this year, husband was adamant he wanted us to both be included in all the Christmas shopping. Quite often I will just buy things in advance and then he buys more nearer the day. I was happy with that, but he was not. So, I didn't buy anything without him and waited for him to be ready to discuss. Tbf to him he really has discussed the big purchase/main present with me and has listened when I said I didn't like something and thought the kids wouldn't either. But he also said he had bought everything so I didn't need to.

On Friday night, I finished work and had a look at what he had got. He has got between two children, one plushie, two bottles of shower gel, one loofah, sweets, a notebook, and then an annual, family pass for a local attraction place. The family pass is the main present and I think the kids will like it, but it isn't something they can play with on the day or anything.

Not bragging as I think it's relevant, but we have a reasonably good income, so I feel like this is really stingey...

So, I have ordered some more things to collect tomorrow and to be delivered to our house as well. It's fine, but a bit inconvenient, as I am now going to have to go to the shops to collect things on the busiest days in town and then we need to wrap them. We have a few events between now and Christmas and the kids are obviously around all the time too as they are off school.

I'd much rather have just bought things which I fecking well wanted to and then left him to it.

Not sure what I want from the thread and I know it's a first world, middle class problem etc. But wonder if people agree with me and maybe just want an anonymous moan! I can't tell if I'm being ungrateful as well as he did do everything and didn't even ask me to pay half or anything. I do appreciate that and I'm trying not to moan about it irl because of that.

I am from the camp that kids get thoroughly spoilt at Christmas and my dh is even worse. I can’t bear people who are stingey. It’s hugely unattractive. You’ve got time to get them more. I’m guessing your dh doesn’t spoil you much at Christmas either?

I'd just tell him that doing it his way has caused unnecessary stress for you now having to buy and collect more and going forward you will be continuing the way you have always done it so you know you're organised in advance.

When ours were smaller, we used to try and book a day off together in November and go do a majority of the shopping then, would that be possible for next year? That way, he's involved and you can make sure it's actually suitable! Now that they are older and it's less toy related, I tend to do a majority of it as and when but he will sort anything I can't get round to on his days off or if it's tech related then I have nothing to do it with and he arranges it all. That's working out well at the minute! But it does involve talking about it before December so your DH might have to compromise there!

😆 we aren't doing presents this year as we're going away instead! I'm fine with that tbh. I can buy my own stuff, but the kids can't so it is annoying when he is stingey with them

Exactly! We'd need to discuss it before december to go with that plan. Even in december he stalls till the last possible moment tbh.

I think next year I'm telling him I just want to do what I did before as this is too stressful and has taken the fun out of it a bit.

Thanks for comments yesterday. I'm feeling a lot more positive and less stressed. I am currently sharpening my elbows in preparation for town today! I have spent an annoying amount of money on express delivery too 😒. I am definitely not doing this next year, but at least the children are getting some things they will like. I am quite excited to get them all wrapped today and tomorrow.

I think you’ve done the right thing and both of your input seems fair, the shopping late thing would stress me too so next year agree to split down the middle but shop when you want to.

Shower gel and a loofah? I don't even have children but these sound like shit presents and I would tell him so - how are kids supposed to 'enjoy' such presents?

I agree with others, if he wants to be more involved in what the DC get, then he does it early, not last minute.

And what crappy gifts he got.

I totally agree! They are terrible gifts for kids and yes, I did tell him that.

At least I know now and won't let him try and handle it all next year. I think in his head he was being more mindful by not buying frivolous stuff to clog up the house, but come on. A loofah? ONE plushie between two kids annoyed me too. Anyway, I'm moving on. I have spent a few hundred quid this weekend topping it up and some of that could have been avoided but deep breaths etc. Season of goodwill breathe breathe 😂😂😂. I am at "if I didn't laugh I'd cry or get angry" stage, so I'm just laughing and getting on with it.

I think you have to accept that he is rubbish at Christmas shopping, so he can do 'his' but you will do yours as with previous years. Otherwise the main gift he is giving his kids is memories of really disappointing Christmas presents 😬

I would feel the same as you, OP. I don’t like to go overboard but your husbands presents are seriously crap for two children. Bad enough for one alone IMO. Good luck with the shops today!

So he told you not to shop without him, then decided to shop without you? Which has added a load of stress and pressure to you. Why is that ok?

Thank you. A very teeny tiny part of me thought maybe I was being a bit unreasonable over the years and that I bought too much, but seeing how he handled it when left to his own devices has just confirmed he is crap at this stuff.

Almost everything I ordersd has arrived at my collection point. One thing is delayed but it isn't a big or important thing, so I'm fine with that. More arriving at the house today and tomorrow. If they don't come I will possibly cry so 🤞, wish me christmassy luck please!

It wasn't quite that - he wanted us to discuss it first and then he wanted to go and get it, so him shopping on his own is fine. But when he said he had got everything, I was a bit surprised because he'd only mentioned one big gift... I didn't check till Friday and it was a bit of a sad sight. He genuinely thought he'd done a great job!

In fairness, he never buys anything for himself and doesn't really like getting gifts either, so he probably thought his ideas were better 😩

I am back and got the click and collect stuff 🥳🥳🥳. Even got a parking space without too much trouble. Also, my first home delivery order has arrived too. Thank goodness for express delivery. I am so relieved.

Thanks again for comments 💐