Give me a talking to

[Cornishbelle]

I'm feeling parent guilt as I know my son would like a vr headset for Christmas costing £500.00. We can afford this, and he is aware of this, however this is far in excess of the budget we normally put in place for our kids for Christmas and birthday which is normally max £200.

We have explained this to him (he's 13 so understands about santa etc lol) and I guess he is disappointed but at least he knows. As a compromise we will be giving him £50 cash towards saving towards a headset during 2026, as well as other bits and pieces he will enjoy (a couple of nice bits he's asked for as well as some suprises).

He is possibly mild adhd although we haven't pursued a diagnosis and aren't intending too. We have had some heated debates over the last couple of years about gaming restrictions as he would game for hours if he could, and we're trying to teach him re where gaming slots in to life rather than the other way around, as well as the value of money! He isn't the best at saving so we hope this will help him (and make sure he really would like it rather than just a novelty).

So why do I still feel guilty! Argh! Are we too stingy or is he wishing for a champagne lifestyle or a prosecco budget?! I appreciate we are fortunate and it's a nice problem to have, please feel free to give my head a wobble! Particularly interested to hear from parents who have been through this in the past.

Ahh yes it is a first world problem, but I can feel your angst! You are right not to let him disappear down a gaming rabbit hole, and not to spend that sort of money on him. What I would do probably is make the most of the gifts you have bought him and tell him that you're going to put into place a list of household chores he can do to earn £££, and show him that each week he could earn say £20, each month £80 and so on, and the more he does the quicker he will earn the money, and then I'd probably give him the last £100 and make a day of buying it.

We did occasionally buy more expensive things for Christmas when ours were younger, but made it perfectly clear it was a one off, always combined with a birthday present and they weren’t bought stuff randomly in the year.
We had the usual ongoing discussions about screentime and gaming.
Both of mine have turned into decent human beings and definitely know the value of money.

The agony of facing his disappointment!! But in fact you are giving a precious gift in modelling a realistic attitude to what you can afford and encouraging an ability to save up for the things you want. You are also providing a parent less stressed than she would be if she overspent and was worrying about debt!

Ours think they would like a VR headset but they spend enough time gaming that they are not escaping into a VR world - and this has been explained to them

VR is a set too far for us, especially for teenagers, even if ours saved £500 they still wouldn’t be allowed one. So you are much nicer than us @Cornishbelle

My DD has a headset but she is an avid gamer (as am I) and so it’s worth the money.

I tend to give bigger/more expensive presents for birthdays though.

If you really want to get him one then I’d look into getting him a cheap version and see if he actually uses it.

If he really wants one then I’d tell him to wait until his birthday.

I would splurge on the expensive gift if it’s something you would all use as a family. If it would only be used by your
ds though then no, completely agree with your reasoning.

Tell him he’s not having one and to ask for something within your budget

I think that it’s fine to not get it, but, if you haven’t already, I would have that conversation today rather than leaving him disappointed on Christmas Day.

Let him know that the headset is out of his budget but that he’ll be getting some money towards it, and that you’ll help him save up.

Rather than £50 why not get him a token gift and give him the remaining amount of his budget to save towards it? I'd offer that option to him at least. Since dd is at high school we give her the budget and she sends a list with links up to that total. We do get her a couple of small surprises but it means she gets exactly what she wants and has to make wise choices.