MIL has stolen my childhood christmas decorations!

[ExhaustedPigeon37]

Hello all,

Bit of a strange one but I think my MIL has stolen my Christmas Decorations!!

They have been in my family since I was small and although they aren’t expensive, nothing special they are just sentimental to me.

We had these three decorations, saying Joy, Noel and Ho Ho Ho with a Santa head on the top. The letters cascade downwards and the Santa has a loop so that you can hang them up. This year I put our decorations up and only found the Joy one. Asked DH and he said he hadn’t seen them, so I only put the Joy one up thinking I’d come across them in another box, I never did.

Fast forward to yesterday when we went over to theirs and they live about an hour away so we stayed for dinner and catch up after DH finished work. MIL was showing us her new decorations and the tree (which is themed red and white). I happened to glance at the bottom of the tree where I saw THE/MY Noel and Ho Ho Ho decorations hanging off of her tree!!! I’ve never seen these decorations at their house before, so the only conclusion I can come to is that they are mine, which is why I couldn’t find them this year!

Asked DH and he said he didn’t notice, asked if he remembers us giving them to her or anything and he said can’t at all. Last year we moved house in

I’m so shocked. What do I do? Do I ask for them back? Do I just leave it? Do I sneak them out when we next go there? DH wanted to stay at home on Boxing Day but I now want to go there to retrieve my decorations (they have been invited on Christmas Day but declined due to the journey and FIL recently having had a knee replacement).

I think I would buy similar decorations on eBay, then swap them with the originals when I next visit.

My MIL gave us a load of old decorations last year hope she isn't surpised some are on the tree forgetting she gave them to us? Is it possible you gave them to her? Seems odd if she has now form for stealing. I would discuss with her.

I have had a similarish situation with my PIL. They gifted me and DH a nice kitchen utensil and they took it from our home while we were travelling abroad for an extended period. They went into our home sometimes while we were away to check things over, although we did not ask them to and had arranged other people to do this, they used the opportunity of us being away to snoop. My guess is they did not approve of where we were keeping/how we were using this item.

A month after our return, actually at Christmas, I was preparing food in their kitchen on my own and was shocked to see my utensil displayed there. So I popped it in my bag and took it home with me! They never discussed taking it from us with me so I figured I didn’t need to discuss taking it back with them. I decided if they asked I’d say I assumed DH had packed it for me to use while cooking and tell them how shocked I was that they would take things from our home without our knowledge or consent. Which is the truth!

Now that I give it some thought, I think they feel weirdly entitled to stuff they have gifted to us. They also removed a basket from the cupboard they had given me and again, I assume they thought they’d put it to better use than me. 🙄 They have also asked us to take back from the children soft toys they have given them so they can give them to other grandchildren because they have not seen our children cuddling them! They are not hard up in any way.

Is it possible your MIL thinks they are “tree decorations” and should be displayed as such, and thinks you don’t really care for the decorations as you don’t put them on the tree? When I think of it, my MIL has complained because she gave me a beautiful decoration which I don’t hang on the tree because I like to scatter decorations throughout the house. I can imagine her stealing it back because I don’t put it on the tree like she thinks I should!

If you are absolutely certain they are yours I would just steal them back and not say anything to anyone, including your DH. He can hardly complain because he is apparently happy with family members taking stuff from each other.

This. They're available to buy, you can get decorations very similar to this. Yours are from your childhood yet appear to be in an almost new condition, so hers could easily have been bought recently.
They're not exactly unique.

Don’t feel like you have to explain yourself. On MN people just like to be rude.

Your MIL sounds unhinged. Her behaviour is not normal. It is not normal to steal in any country, in any culture and there is never an excuse for it.

If you want to sneak around nicking decorations you think might be yours but are not sure...yes it would be rubbish to you.
The adult way to handle it would be to address it with her.

You have summed up exactly how I feel. Thank you!

Operation Decoration is a go, part A has just been initiated.

I shall update control once I have rescued said decorations. Please stand by.

Over and out.

I might add, as people are thinking that m i l or possibly f i l has a form of dementia, maybe doesn't remember doing this or maybe they have a form of kleptomania, while this is possible...
OP has mentioned that m i l has never been fond of her, always wished original partner was back in her son's life, goes as far as to exclude OP's daughter from calling her nanny, ("I'm not your nanny") ... She sounds like a stubborn and difficult person who thinks she's right and entitled to do and think what she wants without any consequences. Sounds like f i l and s i l have never had to stick up to her and husband never would.

A long time ago, when I was a teenager, my best friend spent a lot of time at our house. She had a bit of a difficult family life, and spend a lot of time with us. We treated her like one of the family, she often shared meals with us, went out when we all went hiking or biking or going someplace for the day, she would sleep over often...
I always trusted her. Until one day I noticed a particular accessory from one of my prized collections was missing. It was in my bedroom, in an open book shelf, front and center.
It was missing after one of the times that she'd been over. I looked everywhere in case it had fallen. It wouldn't have fallen very far.
Because she also liked that type of collectible and didn't have that particular accessory I wondered if she had taken it but I just couldn't believe it. Why? Why would she do that?
I was suspicious, and the next time we spent some time at her house, I went to the shoe box she kept tucked under the bed where she kept her private stuff (And yes, I did feel badly for invading her privacy like this...) And lo and behold, there was the accessory. And I knew it was mine because it had a small scratch in exactly the same space, that I had tried to touch up with a little bit of paint that didn't quite match.
And I took it back. And I never said a word about it. And shortly after that, her family moved house and they moved away.
And I think about that sometimes. I wonder if she was trying to steal a memento or something to remember our time together or, if it was just a selfish act, or was she feeling a moment of jealousy because our family was pretty tight and warm and maybe she was angry because hers wasn't, or who knows what else? Why do people do things that they do? It's one thing to steal from a store when you think that nobody's going to miss it, they're a big store, they can afford it (not true but a common justification) But to steal from a friend? And in this case, if MIL or FIL is guilty, well, there's already no love lost in this relationship really, so, it could have happened. It could have been done in a moment of spite. Or just thinking that those would look nice on her red and white themed tree, that they probably wouldn't be missed. Or whatever other justification she had when she took them (If she took them, I'm not saying 100% because obviously I don't know, but I believe that probably she did)

Some people do pinch random low value things from others, especially if they have resentments or feel hard done by.

I would be inclined to take them back and see what happens.

I'd do this OP.

Swap them discretely.

I'd then pop your ones in a sentimental box with other sentimental stuff and keep them in there.

Might be worth investing in a camera when PIL are next over to see if she takes anymore.

@StruggleFlourishno they don’t have a key to our house luckily! I fear we wouldn’t have any decorations left if we did!

This is another Dyson hairdryer, isn't it?

Good luck OP!

Your husband doesn’t get to decide that your sentimental ornaments aren’t worth investigating. His choices are to take the lead and talk to his mother directly or to step aside and let you handle the situation.

if you were older, I would say that her having the same decorations is more likely. DH and I discovered we had some of the same sentimental childhood ornaments, but we were children of the 70s. There was just less of everything back then. We all had the same toys too. The proliferation of choice took hold in the 80s and life has never really been the same.

I wouldn’t let this go. I would approach it in a way that gives her an out.

Tell her about your missing ornaments and that you are so upset about them and ask if they could be the ones on her tree and just have ended up at her house by mistake in the chaos of the move. You don’t have to explain that there is no logical way this could have happened. This way though, she can admit they are yours without admitting she is a thief.

This!!

Could someone else have stolen them and given them to her as a gift? Like a sil or bil?
It seems a bit too brazen to just let you see them and not expect you to say anything.

Agree with nicking them back. She'll probably deny it if you ask. I had a friend who stole a casserole dish and a couple of books from me. If I can smuggle those out, you can manage a couple of tree decs 😂

And Poundland.

This!

I can’t believe that friends / family steal things from each other - it’s vile. I’m really shocked at some of the stories on here.

So MIL HAS had access to your house and tree when you weren't there! It's highly unlikely ANY member of your family would 'gift' the deccies to mil simply because she liked them! You're between a rock & a hard place; if you ask about them, you can then hardly steal them back without it being noted. I really do think your only option is to sneak them back, without telling ANYONE, least of all your husband. They can be 'found' in a random place, once you have them home. It's not something you'd normally WANT to do, but 'needs must'! *please try and get mil tested for alzheimers - I spotted it in an Aunt 8yrs before anyone could be bothered even contemplating the idea!

We had a prolonged stay at IL - and kids at time loved a rock opera CD we'd
bought with us. MIL saw it insited it was theirs - FIL pointed out there's wouldn't have been a cd but a tape and DH assured her it was kids.Then it went "missing" we all looked including MIL - though I though she looked odd about it - kids bit disappointed but not for long. Next visit it's in their CD rack and MIL has pre CD story of her buying it which no-one asked for.

I think she just convinced herself it was hers and then believed it and this she justifed stealing it. She did say few years later they never listened to it and did kids want it - but they no longer had any interest.

FIl, DH and I and I pretty sure older kids all knew she nicked it but wasn't worth causing a fuss about it.

The risk is you branded the odd light fingered one - but if you're not close may not matter though I'd try as hard as possible to be sure they are yours.

The OPsaid her mum bought them in the Harrods sale in the 90,s....where have you got Primark and Poundland from?

Take them back surreptitiously. Then leave them off the tree this year. Introduce them back next year, having marked them with your (pre marriage ) initials.

This is quite possibly a silent f you from her. She cannot get at you one way, so she gets at you another way. I have had similar dealings, but with mysteriously disappearing clothes. Best not to involve or mention to anyone. Just do your own, silent f you back.

Do they have a key for your house? Take it back, ahe has no problem doing it to u.

I couldn't just take it back, I'd have to take said item to mil and say how did this get back here? Let her tell u she took it then ask for the key back.

If mil is asking for gifts back I'd either tell her to f off or tell her yous will no longer accept gifts from her or both.

Again, get that key back.