Parents alone for Christmas

[labubu22]

My parents have moved further away in recent months and still getting settled. Naturally the topic of Christmas has come up recently and I asked if they would like to come to our house this year. I was told no. They then suggested we go to theirs but there is no space there for the kids to play without getting in the way, we’d be leaving the dog as well.
On previous years when we had visited them on Christmas day they have subtly removed the kids toys that Santa brought as they were too messy, noisy or might damage the furniture and replaced them with the gifts they had bought until we left. There would be not enough space for dinner as they only have a small table with two chairs.
My parents don’t like driving so we thought that might be the reason so my husband said he’d go down collect them Christmas morning and then drop them home Boxing Day but again they don’t want to do that.
Now I’m feeling guilty because they won’t have anyone else visiting them whereas we live close to dhs side we will see them over Christmas Day. DH said that’s all I can do. I will visit them before Christmas but I’m more concerned about the day itself.

Free yourself from feeling guilty, they've been very clear.
They don't like noise and have moved away. They're probably looking forward to quiet and time together.

There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Plus your kids can enjoy their toys and relax without them being moved away.

I don't think you need to feel guilty. You have given them the option of coming to you and they have said no. When my DC's were little, we had Christmas Day as a family of four so that dcs could relax and play with toys etc and we could enjoy the day with them. Now our dc's are grown, we have always been clear with them that if they want to spend Christmas day with their partners and dcs, that is absolutely fine. As it happens, one way or another, we have always seen at least one of them for Christmas Day, but honestly, if they said they wanted Christmas day alone, that would be fine with us.
It doesn't sound as though your parents are particularly 'Christmas' people , we love the noise and excitement our grandchildren bring to the day and often, it's us that buy the noisy presents! (We are also happy to keep noisy presents here if parents prefer - nothing beats seeing dgcs bashing away on the keyboard or whatever).

My mum will be on her own this year, my dad died in the summer.

She lives a couple of hours away from us , but would not want to come to our house even if we did go and get her- she only likes to be in her own home.
She would not want us at her house either - if people visit her an hour or two is her maximum level of tolerance. We can't leave some of the children at home alone to make a four / four and a half hour round trip for a cup of tea for an hour - if we were lucky ....
She is very much likely on the ASD spectrum and has memory issues now. She doesn't appear to miss my dad particularly, but it is hard to tell ( and too painful to explore really as we miss him very much ).
I feel very guilty but you shouldn't OP. Your parents chose to move, they have each other and will likely have a nice quiet day. You can face time them or call them and visit another day.
I like Christmas but it is stressful xxx

Agree with this 👆 My parents spent many christmas days together. Now my mum's gone, I have my dad.

Op it sounds like they don't went to go you and you don't want to go to them ?
Why do you feel guilty send them a nice hamper and enjoy your day

Nothing wrong with visiting your parents before or after Christmas Day. Christmas is a season of seeing family and friends, not just one day to pack with all the visiting.

This . You have offered they have said no job done and get on with enjoying yourself . Their home is not suitable , the poor dog doesn’t get to spend Christmas with the family and it’s an upheaval.

They’re only in their 60s and already don’t like driving?

FFS, my retirement age is 67!

I think that children need to be in their own homes at Christmas with their new gifts etc, not schlepping around at the whims of Grandparents. I shall never expect my young grandchildren to be driven around at Christmas like that.

Youve offered to have them at yours, you’ve even offered to collect them so they don’t have to do the driving 🙄 but they want everything on their terms. They’ll be fine with the Christmas they’ve chosen for themselves

I'm 67, retired and still drive a LOT! This pair seem to me to be drawing a 'You must come to us, no matter how troublesome and inconvenient it is for you, because we can't be arsed to drive to yours' line in the sand.

Have a great Xmas with your DH and kids (and dog) in your own home, OP!