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Original poster

Excessive Gifting

29 replies

NPPUHinged · 09/11/2025 14:27

Grandmothers go OTT on gifts for DC.

It's too much. The amount of presents makes 'santa' look tight. And it doesn't stop at Christmas. All throughout the year there are gifts. Not the odd book, I'm talking dolls, teddies, tat, clothes. DC has well over one hundred soft toys. Nearing two hundred if I hadn't thinned them out. If DC mentions something she'd like, she has at least two of said something by the end of the week.

I have tried to create boundaries, but they are trampled over. Here's an example; GGM took DC to town. I asked please do not buy a soft toy because I have bought one for a special occasion coming up. GGM agreed. DC didn't come back with a teddy, but she did come back with a dress, a notebook, pens, hair scrunchies and some other bits. You could argue that she didn't buy a soft toy!

I have attempted to make a rule that whatever is bought stays at their house. But when DC wants to bring it home, I become the bad guy if I say no.

I try to let it go. I reason with myself that it is not my place to say how they spend their money, but it's all so excessive and wasteful.

Any ideas how to navigate this excessive gift giving would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
PickledElectricity · 09/11/2025 22:20

NPPUHinged · 09/11/2025 21:33

I feel your pain! Don't get me started on the sugar items!! I hate my DC drinking cola, and I'll only allow it at special occasions or as a big treat. They know this but give cans of pop all the time. And like you, we say no to treats because DC has already had a week's worth in an afternoon if she goes to their house. There has even been an incident of Coco pops for breakfast, with milkshake poured on top instead of milk! 🫠

I think my biggest struggle is the boundary thing. They have zero respect for our wishes and it really pisses me off!

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They have no incentive to respect your boundaries though, do they? I don't mean to sound rude but you're being a bit of a wet lettuce asking them to behave and then not doing anything when they don't listen.

I think you have to act crazy to fight crazy.

Bring every single thing they've bought and dump it in their living room.

Tell them if they buy more than x number of gifts you won't let them see her for that many weeks over. So if the limit is 3 and they bought 10, that's 7 weeks they're banned for. Or can't take her out, whatever.

How old is your dd?

Other than being spoilt she's going to have some very warped ideas about the availability of money.

Original poster
NPPUHinged · 09/11/2025 22:25

Chinsupmeloves · 09/11/2025 22:00

Same here, my family has stopped adult gifting and a certain amount on nieces and nephews. You're so right, the kids get far too many, so if not used put aside to recycle as presents or charity. I remember as a child to be over the moon for the couple of things I wanted and anything extra was a bonus but not necessarily used.

Hate the huge plastic toys in huge cardboard boxes just to unwrap for a moment of 'joy' then move on to the next hundred. Such a waste for the sake of it. I've witnessed one child say 'I'm bored and sick of unwrapping presents'. They really don't care, it's the parents who want to post on SM look what a good parent i am for giving so many.

Very sad, true meaning lost, not the fault of the kids they are being spoilt in a show off world so have no value for anything 😢

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Same! Christmas was so exciting because it was the only time we got stuff that wasn't just out of necessity!

As a child I always thought my present pile was massive. I came across a picture (an actual real picture, not on a phone or SM) of a pile of my presents as a kid. It was actually a pretty modest pile, but I was over the moon with my presents.

GPs funnily enough used to moan about how ungrateful some of the older grandkids were about presents because they ripped them open and tossed them aside when they were younger (much like my DC does now). I'm amazed they can't see that they are in fact, the problem!!

OP posts:
Original poster
NPPUHinged · 09/11/2025 22:48

PickledElectricity · 09/11/2025 22:20

They have no incentive to respect your boundaries though, do they? I don't mean to sound rude but you're being a bit of a wet lettuce asking them to behave and then not doing anything when they don't listen.

I think you have to act crazy to fight crazy.

Bring every single thing they've bought and dump it in their living room.

Tell them if they buy more than x number of gifts you won't let them see her for that many weeks over. So if the limit is 3 and they bought 10, that's 7 weeks they're banned for. Or can't take her out, whatever.

How old is your dd?

Other than being spoilt she's going to have some very warped ideas about the availability of money.

Show quote history

I'll take the wet lettuce comment on the chin! 😂 Because I know you're right! Perhaps I am a little too subtle in my approach.

DC did some talk thing at school about her plush cat collection. We lined them up on the stairs and took a picture. There were 83 cats in total. I probably bought 5 or 6 of that collection. I showed them said pic in the hope that they would get the message. Probably a bit wet lettuce of me!! 😅

I have reduced contact in the past. DC doesn't seem them half as much as she used to and I stopped relying on them for childcare.

This family have no boundaries with one another. They are next level. GGM in particular has a serious dislike of being told no and will do as she pleases anyway. For my own sanity I try to accept I cannot change them.

This is a big part of the issue - DC lacks respect in relation to money and things.

OP posts:
Original poster
NPPUHinged · 09/11/2025 22:52

NPPUHinged · 09/11/2025 22:48

I'll take the wet lettuce comment on the chin! 😂 Because I know you're right! Perhaps I am a little too subtle in my approach.

DC did some talk thing at school about her plush cat collection. We lined them up on the stairs and took a picture. There were 83 cats in total. I probably bought 5 or 6 of that collection. I showed them said pic in the hope that they would get the message. Probably a bit wet lettuce of me!! 😅

I have reduced contact in the past. DC doesn't seem them half as much as she used to and I stopped relying on them for childcare.

This family have no boundaries with one another. They are next level. GGM in particular has a serious dislike of being told no and will do as she pleases anyway. For my own sanity I try to accept I cannot change them.

This is a big part of the issue - DC lacks respect in relation to money and things.

Edited
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She's 7.

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