Is it miserable to say no presents for or from in laws

[QueenStevie]

I'm toying with the idea of saying to MIL let's just not exchange presents this year. She is already asking what we want and trying to suggest things that we might want as a joint present when, in reality, I'm saving up for a nice £££ handbag and I wouldn't mind money towards that and DH wants money for his geek hobby. So they will end up giving us some money in an envelope and I will end up getting them a voucher for a meal out or something similar. It just seems unnecessary. They could keep their money to buy something they want and we could keep our money to put towards what we want. But will that be really miserable on Christmas day? I don't want to feel like the Grinch!

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Why don't you suggest that as you are currently saving up for things and would prefer to exchange small gifts of no more than say, £10/£15. What do you normally spend on them?

Yes, that's a good idea. Usually spend around £150-£200 on them and they spend similar on us. Might actually be nice to just have a small token rather than just essentially exchanging cash.

No wouldnt be miserable at all! Seems a bit pointless when your just swapping money around. as another poster said, you could just do £10-20 gifts each and leave it at that. I would.

I think the token gift with a cap is perfect, she can get something useful ish maybe (I always appreciate chutney sets myself!)

Rather than pass the same £20-30 round everyone we tend to go out for a meal, or stay in for a takeaway and games night instead. You could suggest nobody is in need of a particular gift, so maybe you could go out for a Sunday roast together instead?

YANBU. Except for small tokens (almost always the sort of edibles you perhaps wouldn’t buy for yourself*) we have stopped presents between adults. Unless you know of something particular, nobody wants any more ‘stuff’ and most women at least, prefer to choose their own clothes and toiletries.

*I found a few of this sort of thing in the local National Trust shop last year. The little pack of cheese/chilli biscuits went down very well with Dbro.

For a Dsis with a sweet tooth, I found a nice little pack of Pates de Fruits in Waitrose.

We have come to an arrangement with some family members that we have an experience later in the year together as our joint gift.
There have been concert tickets, weekends away and dinners out. It feels so much nicer than a gift that was bought with so much thought but not necessarily needed or wanted.

Can you do secret Santa between the adults? Good compromise

After this thread, I broached it with MIL and she is actually really pleased! One less thing to stress about! We are going to do token gifts up to £20 and write up a little wish list each so everyone should get something they want/need.

Great outcome!

Swap a token gift in that case then. Meet in the middle.

It's Christmas, families exchange presents so yes it would make you seem like the Grinch. Yabu

Just what I was about to suggest! Great outcome - everyone's a winner!

Love it. I wish we could get to the same place with ILs who need absolutely nothing!

My relative in Australia used to send similar amounts of money to us as we sent to them. Now I just buy my lot presents and put that they are from relative and hope they do the same. No paying currency fees and same result.

Suggest secret santa. Max budget 50 pounds

I wouldn't be ok with that. honestly, swapping money is just pointless.

Personally, I think adult-to-adult presents should fall into one of two categories:

A, funny, silly, secret santa style - just a little cheap laugh for the festival that makes you all excited.

B, meaningful presents between very close family who know each other well enough to actually (hopefully) give decent gifts.

A lot of the time though I've seen situations where it doesn't fit in either.. it isn't fun and it has no meaning, its just people giving presents because they "should" and no one ends up happy.

talk to them about it though...

Since having children I've had quite a few chats with family about dropping presents between adults (not parents/siblings, but wider family) and just focusing on the kids... and it has universally been met with a sigh of relief that another admin/expense can be reduced.

Your MIL might be secretly quite happy at a change

We've tried to do the same with our in laws, but they're really materialistic and want gifts from us, so won't agree to it!

They're as poor as church mice and make a huge fuss about getting us a £25 John Lewis voucher every year, which is neither here nor there to me and I forget about and don't even spend until the following November!

Meanwhile, DH gets told exactly what to buy them. It's all so mercenary.

I leave him to it and don't get involved.

With my own parents, we've all been happy to scale presents down to a few consumables each (jam, mini bottle of champagne, fancy olive oil etc), which suits me as there's nothing I want or need.

few years ago me and my brothers n sisters, mum and step dad decided to not buy for each other/ nieces/nephews, it was just getting too much, i have 6 brothers and sisters (3 are much younger), 2 nieces and 2 nephews, so we all decided one year to just buy for our own families, i still buy for MIL, BIL and my dad and nan but thats it xx

We only buy gifts for the grandchildren. Adult couples can swap gifts between each other of course but we don't swap gifts between adult siblings. We have a lovely get together at my house before Christmas day for wider family. Presents became a pain. Everyone is greatly relieved that that work is now gone.

My in-laws do no presents for adults at all, and i do find it a bit sad.

My own mum would give me vouchers but also always chocolate coins, and a few thoughtful little gifts "from santa" right up until she passed away. I can't imagine ever telling my kids that i can't be bothered buying them anything.

I also find it awkward - kids only is fine if there are lots of children, but we are the only ones with kids. So we need to break the rule and do token gifts from DC to grandparents and aunts and uncles. Partly to make it fair, but partly to teach DC about the joy of giving, rather than have them think it is all about them. But then, we are breaking the rule, and it is awkward. I don't like it!

I can't get my head round spending £200 for a Chritmas present ! We decided as a family we would only buy presents for under 18s . It has been such a relief . We get together on Christmas day and will have a lovely meal , some of us will take food we've made 😋 . I used to dread Christmas but now it's very enjoyable .

We just give books. It feels personal and it doesn’t cost much. We spend money on presents for the children in the family instead, but nothing crazy for them either.

I don’t think it’s grinchy at all. As you get older the swapping of presents becomes such a drag- the shopping the wrapping the delivering the sitting around opening- mainly drag that falls on the female partner to arrange.

Meanwhile we live in a capitalist society whereby we can’t decide whether we have everything we want and don’t want MILs boots 3for 2 Laura Ashley gift set and would prefer a contribution to something expensive we really want, or whether the cost of living crisis means we can’t afford to waste money on our own gift giving. Or more likely, a stressful mash up of both.