Gifting issues - what would be better?

[ThePartyArtist]

Pondering gifts for family members where it's a bit tricky:

• They have an overly full house already. When visiting we see gifts they've been given (by us / others) stored without care, tossed aside, or toys put away still in original packaging and the kids don't even know they have them.

• The kids have so much of everything - books, clothes, toys, craft stuff, garden toys, bath toys - it feels like more wouldn't be noticed.

• They don't seem to appreciate our gifts. We don't get very meaningful thank yous, more a generic thank you message or nothing at all. We put a lot of thought in and this feels hurtful.

• We can't do experience-with-us gifts because we don't get to see them often enough.

• We feel gifting them experiences is tricky because work / kids' schedules means they don't get much family time together. Their work also includes weekends when events are normally on.

• We feel like a voucher that can be used any time would likely be lost amongst the chaos at home and go to waste.

• If we ask we don't get ideas. Previous suggestions of secret santa haven't worked. Don't want to stop gifting to adults as trying to keep the relationship as good as possible.

They however give us really good and thoughtful, well suited gifts and spend a decent amount.

Perhaps suggest no gifts or a secret Santa arrangement with them?

Food hamper filled with treats

P.S. I say this as someone who chooses well thought-out gifts but at the same time would much prefer a no-present pact instead (we are just stuck with those that won’t agree to no presents 🙄)

I have mentioned towards the end of the post why this isn't an option.

Yes that could work, they are very foodie.

I’d go with a nice food hamper for the parents and selection boxes for the kids.

You say you want to keep ‘good relations’? Aren’t these people adult enough to have a proper conversation about this? I don’t give to anyone outside my family, and my family I mean my own kids, my two sisters and my one niece (I don’t give to my late DH’s family other than my step grandkids). But if my niece was as spoilt as the kids you speak of then forget it. I’d tell my sister that she doesn’t need any more clutter and neither do I.
But if that’s still impossible just do a food hamper as suggested.

Sorry I did miss where you said Secret Santa didn’t work (you don’t mention why though?) I don’t see how maintaining good relationships is contingent on gift giving, if there is an agreement. Do they basically insist on gift exchange despite not appreciating your gifts? That’s annoying if so, and I’d probably just treat it as a tick box ‘good enough will do’ exercise!

What about family membership to National Trust/English Heritage/RSPB or similar? No vouchers to lose. They get a whole year and can go to a variety of places when it suits them.

Merlin Pass - depending on ages/location.

Edited for typo

Subscription to something- depend how much you spend - 3 months cinema pass for family etc?

For the children, I would probably buy a book with a book token inside. Or some cookies from Biscuiteers, hopefully based around something they are interested in. These are hideously expensive, but make an attractive present and come in a lovely box!
For the adults, I would again look at Biscuiteers. Or some decent olive oil. Or wine/gin.

I'd go for an event or experience... so go for a Christmas meal together or outing (depending on kids ages)

Nice Christmas dinner or ice skating at Somerset house or tickets for you all to go to a show... (Frozen, nutcracker at ROH or ENO or something like that)

I’d go for some sort of food or no gift.

What about a voucher for takeaway to be delivered, the voucher can be emailed and you can choose their favourite food place.

There are only two options

1. Food items that are so irresistible they don't get forgotten. I.e. Chocolate, cake, wine, posh cheese and crackers
2. Gift vouchers that are so useful no one will forget. I.e. John Lewis, Amazon, Deliveroo

amazon gift card. they can buy essentials, luxuries, or use it on a prime/morrisons grocery shop.

Don't do this without asking first. We wouldn't use it and it would be a huge waste of money for the giver. It's just not something we'd want to do with our very limited free time.

Merlin passes would be great but we live 4hrs from the nearest merlin attraction, and 7-8hrs from the bigger ones.

We would appreciate vouchers to go for a meal as that's something we really enjoy as a family. A hamper full of treat items would also be very welcome, but please no more stuff!

This sounds lovely but have mentioned in the post that something to do together is not practical unfortunately.

I think you have two options:

You challenge them on whether your gifts are appreciated.

You suck it up, stop worrying about the appreciation, and probably stop putting quite as much effort in.

Do you bake? One of my friends makes a few Christmas cakes each year and gives them as gifts, they're delicious and I'm rarely organised enough to have baked one myself so really appreciate it. Other options: homemade biscuits, nigella's chocolate salami.

If they drink you could get a bottle of something along with some antique/vintage glasses (charity shops often have really pretty sherry glasses that could accompany a bottle of PX)

If their kids have loads already, how about a tenner either in a fancy gift envelope or in a little money puzzle they have to solve to get through to the cash e.g https://amzn.eu/d/dYi2uWa
(depending on how old they are!)

Right, I'd do a big hamper of all of the family's favourite food and treats. Can you get anyone who know them well to give you a list. Maybe one of them even?

I did this for my brother last year, and am doing it again, as it was of all the things I ever got him I think the thing he has loved the most. I have got both his partner and my mom to give me lists of foods he likes, and also drawn on my own knowledge of him.

A lot of it is quite cheap stuff he just happens to love - packets of powdered mash for example, tins of mackerel, cheese footballs!

This year I am also popping in a couple of small card games (these are useful for his work) and a couple of books I've found that I think he would enjoy. You could do the same OP - make it mostly food but also a book for everyone, or a card game the whole family might play at Christmas, something like that.

At least food is unlikely to be wasted!

I'd just buy them each a paperback novel from The Works.

Food or consumables or books. And try not to worry if your presents are appreciated or not.