I’m relating to so much of that op. For me the key was working out which parts I enjoyed, which things had to be put up with and then eliminating the rest so that I had capacity for both endurance and enjoyment.
I hate being stressed and rushed, so instead I start getting ready early at 12 weeks just doing a little bit at a time.
I love wrapping but not wrapping everything at once! A little wrapping every now and then is so much more pleasurable and I can indulge my ribbon and bows fetish instead of wrestling with sellotape.
I love cooking, but not being stuck in the kitchen away from my family, catering for an invading army, so I cook ahead and freeze, and on the day it’s just a case of sliding dishes in and out of the oven. I get to make all these old family recipes and every so often the house is filled with gorgeous smells, that I have time to notice.
If I didn’t enjoy those I wouldn’t do them, but because I do, I protect my pleasure.
I hate the pressure of picking presents. I’ve dropped out of some gift exchanges, And I ask people to tell me what they’d like. If they don’t they get a voucher with either a selection box or a pair of fluffy socks. That decision has lifted so much pressure.
I don’t enjoy the traffic in December, the queues, the bombardment of Christmas consumerism in the shops so I stay home more, get my shopping delivered. Then when I do go out to look in the shops it’s a bit of an event in itself.
My in laws are one of the aspects I can’t avoid and I find them extremely draining. I don’t try and enjoy it - I give myself permission to dislike and resent it, and then I ( as you say) put a good face on it because it’s important for dh and the dc. I’m mindful of how my time is scheduled before and especially after a visit. And I create opportunities for little time outs on longer visits.
I’ve realised that no one thinks you’re stressed or struggling when you wear a Christmas jumper! It’s like camouflage. So I bought myself a couple of fairlisle wool jumpers and I wear them throughout December - not quite Christmas jumpers but they can pass for that too, and they’re warm without being stifling, and appropriate almost everywhere.
I don’t always enjoy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (especially the years that were with the in-laws) but there are certain parts I love, and again I protect them. The last few years we’ve kept Christmas morning just for our little family and that’s been very special. . I love the ritual of setting the table so I take time to do that, and everything has already been checked over, washed, polished, ironed, and starched as part of my 12 week plan. Every one of my loved ones who has passed is represented - last year I added a little robin to the centrepiece for my dad who loved to garden.
My favourite day is Boxing Day when it’s all over, and whatever has happened has happened. I make sure I have a thick book, and good chocolate and cuddle up. The dc knew that they were welcome to cuddle,,sit with me, play and chat or watch screens as much as they want but any demands should be taken to dh. There’s a fridge full of leftovers. It’s taken on the status of The Third Day of Christmas in our house. If we have visitors, “Boxing Day” starts when they leave.
This is coming across as quite selfish, but actually it’s never more important to be a bit selfish than at Christmas, so that you have capacity to do what’s necessary for everyone else. There’s no pressure on the dc to join in - they’re welcome to bake with me, decorate the tree, set the table but equally if they can’t be bothered it’s not a problem. And that makes it easier to prioritise the things that matter to them. I don’t put pressure on myself to love being fucking freezing when dd wants to go ice skating, so when she decides to invite her friends instead, it’s not a problem.
Sorry that’s a long winded way of saying you can’t love it all so either pick the bits you like, or add in nice non Christmassy things to make it more bearable - but look after yourself.