Gift for FWB? If so what?

[tragichero]

Firstly, apologies is this would be better in the Relationships section - I wasn't sure .... And was too scared to annoy people by talking about Christmas too early!

So, at nearly 50 I find myself for the first time in my life with a FWB - and I am loving it! After a bruising few years in a relationship with a rather controlling man, I am not ready yet for any form of serious commitment, but this seems to meet all of my needs and is also light, free and easy.

He's a lovely man, very attractive, we have lots in common. We typically see each other about once a month, and when we do it is heavy on the Benefits side (which is great!), though we do also go for dates at the pub, nights out etc, and spend time talking etc. In between times we text several times a day, and discuss everything - books, music, films, our jobs, our families.... As well as lots of affectionate flirting.

We live too far apart for it to be anything more serious, and both have jobs, kids and elderly relatives that make relocation impossible for the foreseeable future, so this is likely all it will ever be - but for now I am more than fine with it!

But my question is, should I give him anything for Christmas? I would like to, to express my affection and gratitude for how good he makes me feel. I was thinking just small things - maybe some sexy underwear for him (again, to acknowledge the Benefits aspect!), some cheap but nice leather bracelets I have seen that really suit his style, and a nice mug I have seen that says "Good morning Beautiful!" (We call each other "Beautiful" and "Gorgeous" a lot - apologies if that makes anyone cringe!)

Does that sound ok? It will be about £20 total. I don't want to scare him off or seem too full on. And also, should I mention it before handing them over so he has time to get me something if he wants, to save anything embarrassing?

Basically, help!!!!

Also, it may be relevant that he is very generous and tends to pay for all our dates, despite my protests - I struggle to even pay for a round of drinks when I am with him! I do have less money than him and he handles the difference very sensitively, paying for things without making a big deal, paying in advance when he can etc - but that's him all over - he is just a
lovely man!

Is he married?

I’d do one gift, probably the bracelets. Nice thought, not weird!

I have no reason to think so, and I fucking hope not! No mention of a wife or girlfriend on his socials.

Is there a reason you ask?

Thank you, that makes sense. I am a big gift giver and do tend to go over board with everyone! But I will try to reign it in.....

we do also go for dates at the pub, nights out etc, and spend time talking etc. In between times we text several times a day, and discuss everything - books, music, films, our jobs, our families.... As well as lots of affectionate flirting.

I think this sounds more ‘relationship lite’ to me, which also makes me feel it’s perfectly okay. If it was a ‘proper’ fwb then I’d think you might scare him off with presents.

I give my FWBs small gifts. One of them got fluffy dice for his birthday, because he's just getting a new car. But nothing overboard - they cost a fiver.

Maybe buy a round of wine or whiskey at the pub closer to Christmas Day, and toast to your relationship. I feel that comes across as fun and flirty without getting into cute presents (that seems more like going into romantic relationship territory).

Edited to remove the suggested spend amount, just re-read the post and saw budget of £20.

I bought mine a cock ring

This post made me laugh out loud in it's simplicity. Makes sense!

And thanks everyone for your suggestions. Currently thinking along the linese of just one of the small items I mentioned - I know I can have a tendency to go over top with things like this!

And I would hate to scare him off, or make things too intense. I never previously thought I would be the sort of person to have an FWB - not that I thought there was anything remotely wrong with it, I envied those who could do it in fact - but I just thought I wouldn't be able to avoid looking for some kind of commitment if I liked and fancied someone enough to sleep with them regularly.

But, in the contrary, at the moment, it's perfect! As it's meeting my needs (his too I hope!) and there is no way I could even contemplate entering into anything more serious at this point......

it was a very nice cock ring, custom made

This all sounds joyous!

I'd probably go with the bracelets. Or a book if relevant to a particular discussion you've been having.

Really? That's a cool present. In my innocence I didn't know such a thing could be procured.

Nothing says Christmas like a cock ring.....

This is actually a very good idea! There is a book he is currently reading and I am re-reading (read in my 20s) that we have talked a lot about. And I know there is a spoof version of it that he almost certainly won't have heard of but would appeal to his sense of humour I think.

And that would give a lightheartedness to the gesture, stop it seeming too heavy.

I have decided, by the way, that the mug was a totally stupid idea. A) it's just too couply and B) he would have to hide it as his kids have heard him mention me as a friend but obviously don't know about the benefits, and at 8 and 10 are likely savvy enough to discern that that isn't a gift a platonic friend would give.....

Thanks all who have posted - hearing people's views is definitely helping my thought process!

Why not? You said you would like to, so here is the answer to your question! The bracelet sounds amazing and so does the book. Pretty much anything connected to his interests or style would make a great gift. Going all overboard or sending him a whole smartshow 3d christmas video with photos and music and stuff would probably feel too intense but that's not what you have in mind, so don't worry about it.

Thank you! I think you are right. I am especially pleased with the book idea!

And he doesn't seem the sort to get all hung up on it and read too much into it or anything. (And if I have mistaken him and he does have a problem with me giving him a small gift, I guess it's better I find out now! But I honestly don't anticipate this - he seems far too easy going and friendly to take offence, or be anything other than touched and pleased,l.

I am going to limit myself to £20 max though - I know what I can get like! 🤣