Christmas with teens

[onpills4godsake]

help I am after tips to keep Christmas special now my 16 and 14 yr old dds have outgrown it and after a morning of gifts with dad and brunch arrive at mine “over” Christmas

we do gifts (which come off a list which i am not allowed to stray from.

last year o put so much effort into beauty present pong (ended in arguments and tears)

i suggested swapping with dad the timing - met with a melt down (dd1 has highly functional autism so hates change / surprise)

I hated Christmas as a child and rewrote it when they were small and began to love it.

ao I don’t know how to do this part

Looking back at my teen years, the things that made me still into Christmas were:

1, list + surprises. There needs to be something unexpected. I get that teenagers know what they want, but if it is exactly on the list, you can't expect them to be that excited on Christmas, it is more the excitement of an Amazon delivery.. something they ordered and are now waiting for. Personally I would get them what they want, but add something else, maybe in a fun/unusual way, so that they have a bit of surprise/mystery.

2, Getting them involved in doing things. They can cope with responsibility now. Let them plan and cook one of the meals, or plan one trip out, or plan a movie night (pick movie, buy snacks, get things ready etc.) or a game night etc. Give them something to do, and some investment in the festival, because they made it happen.

3, Tailor activities to what they like. When I was kid, Christmas celebrations were santa clause and magic.. as a teenager though, for my family it was more of a party.. we could invite friends, had other cousins, more games, party games, drinking (for the adults) music, dancing, kareoke, late night board game sessions etc. Stuff that teenagers like. I think one of the problems that parents have with the "magic" being lost, is that they try and hold on to the child period too long, and then wonder why their teenagers don't love Christmas any more.

The magic isn't in santa or presents though, its in family and time together, and that has to be tailored to the age of those involved.

Now that I have my own young children, our family has flipped back to Child-like magical christmas, and its lovely... but when he is older, it will be back to parties and teenage christmas again, and the cycle will repeat.

Can’t you just accept it won’t be “special”? They are not little kids, nothing they do at home with parents is magical at this age is it?

You can achieve cosy, nostalgic, fun, amusing. But special? Nah those days are gone unless you have a big budget.

You can make them feel very happy by showering them with gifts - perhaps that’s “the point of Christmas” when you don’t believe in anything religious.

We are considering a Christmas overseas visit to see family we do not get to see often as my dd15 really has nothing she desperately wants for Christmas. We might fly Xmas day afternoon, back three days later. Often Christmas Day flights, whilst limited, are cheap.

Do you have Christmas with anyone else or just mum, dad and kids?
Ive always been very mindful of not letting Christmas not be special just because they’re older. Things I do with my teenage girls is on Christmas Eve I give them their matching pyjamas and a bag with special shower and skin care bits so they can have an everything shower the day before. If they’re into beauty they’ll love it. Then when everyone is ready and in pyjamas, the girls make cookies for us to eat while we watch a Christmas movie and drink hot chocolate. We normally buy a new family game to play on Christmas Eve as well. This year we’ve strayed away from traditional board games and bought Mario party for the switch. After that mine all go into 1 room and have a sleepover. They’ve done it since they were little and still do it now.
in the morning, once they’ve done stocking and presents we’ll have our big Christmas breakfast with all their favourite food then they can’t wait to get dressed up for the day in their new clothes. Once their cousins are here and we’ve all had dinner it’s pretty relaxed. Older people normally eat cheese while playing board games or cards while the younger kids play with their toys. As long as it’s not raining we always light the fire pit on the garden. The teens love sitting round it talking and roasting marshmallows and listening to music.
All very chilled out but mine look forward to it every year 🥰

What went wrong last year with beauty thing?

I agree with a list and a few surprises.

Is it just the three of you for the rest of the time?

My son is 17 and likes watching traditional films - Home Alone. He likes the big meal and just hanging out. He enjoyed Gavin and Stacey even though he wasn’t familiar with the show.

Mine are similarish in ages and last year felt like the first successful teen Christmas. There’s an awkward transition between kid Christmas and the teens, where each year it feels different and a bit wrong. I felt like we had finally settled in last year.

One thing I did right was to survey everyone to find out what was important to keep and which bits they’d like to change and I think they appreciated getting a say, despite the groans about my dumb questions. They were a lot more invested as a result.

I was a bit surprised by some of their choices - they didn’t want any gifts under the tree before Christmas and still wanted a bit of the Christmas morning experience, including getting up early and us all coming down together. I’d have assumed that since we also have those lists that are not to be deviated from, that it wouldn’t matter.

I asked about all sorts of things - food, drink, meals, the days before and after, outings, activities, traditions that were now cringe, seeing their friends, what their favourite parts were, what felt important, what made Christmas feel like Christmas?

Gifts, surprise! surprise! topped the list, but also things like spending time together. Given how they retreat into their rooms at every opportunity I was a bit surprised we still mattered! They actually opted for a complete screen free day.

I know “ask the dc” is an annoying answer but it might give you more to work with.

If your DC s don’t get many treats during the year then stick to their lists. You could make it extra special by:

• asking them to bake a special desert with you
• Giving a treasure hunt - indoors or outdoors - for their gifts ( I do this at Easter and make up riddles for them directing them in and out of different rooms. They still love it).
• have a disco it karaoke session- should be free / online options
• online ‘name that tune’
• Board games
• Christmas crackers with little whistles inside and a tune sheets. It’s hilarious!
• take them outdoor ice skating as close to Xmas or new year as you can.
• nature Walks

Last year my girls and I had a lovely time, same ages. We all made the dinner together, Christmas music on, stopping to make TikTok dances, chatting, took us hours, I got a bit pissed, they didn’t. Then we watched a movie, all lovely.

Our Xmas is very low key now, with teens. We Usually walk the dog after presents. I cook, we eat and then they go out to see friends of go to their rooms. Me and DH just watch a bit of tv. It suits us. One thing that did creating last year, was a music quiz I put together.

I feel for you. My middle son, typical ADHD, was a miserable sod and only came out of his room for food. Eldest is a miserable git at the best of times (probably autistic but wont get assessed) He'd hang around and get irritable if asked to do anything. DD recently diagnosed with ADHD was happier to help but preferred to spend Christmas day reading or watching films.