Do you ask a family member what they would like for Christmas?

[Poodlelove]

Or do you see something that you think that they would like and buy it?
Every year I seem to just buy things when I see them and this year I want to stop and think before going over the top with little things which all adds up and possibly that person is dreading filling their home with stuff they don't want.
I get stressed and so this year I want to be different.
I am struggling for what to do for adult children and their partners in their 20s and 30s .
I buy gifts for my postman and hairdresser but this is always food /drink items.
Thank you in advance.

We have a set of spreadsheets! Each is visible to all but the person who will be the recipient. We can all add requests to our own spreadsheet but not see if anyone has agreed to buy something. We don’t expect to get everything on the list and don’t know who will buy something for us but we can see what others want and if someone else has said they will buy it so there are no duplicates. It works for us.

I wouldn't ask, no. I think people make life hard for themselves at Christmas. Consumables are the way to go. A nice bottle and a box of posh chocolates or biscuits.

We ask for gift suggestions but remind the younger members of the family that it is a wish list, not a shopping list.

Adult children I would ask what they wanted, or stick to money/vouchers (for a shop they definitely use) for consumables.

As you say, too much chance you've just got them something that they consider to be "stuff" filling up their house. IMO better to get them something they actually want.

I do ask but happy to make something up if I’ve got a good idea. I find it quite hard to think of things for myself or my family when people ask me, so I really like it if they just come up with ideas themselves. But it can be helpful to ask for a bit of steer to check if you’re way out, eg give someone the opportunity to say “anything you like would be great, but no ornaments as we’ve got too many” etc.

Yes we do. It's usually things that we actually need, eg. last year I asked one brother for a lot of nice tea towels and my sister for slippers, another sister asked me for a nice makeup bag. We don't do big presents at Xmas.

I always ask as this avoids waste. I am not naive enough to believe that I know what someone would like more than they do themselves. Sadly I think a lot of thoughtful surprises aren't actually wanted by the recipient.

Adult children I ask their partners what they would like for the main present or they might suggest something themselves either as individual presents or couples presents if it’s something big (this year son and DIL are having a greenhouse this is their joint Christmas and birthday presents they know about it and have told me what to order etc)

grandchildren I go by what their parents tell me.

each adult also gets tree presents which is silly smelly stuff / food /wine/ household gadgets things I know they like or have hinted at.

siblings - we exchange bottles of wine and I bake Christmas cakes for them

I find this a minefield as we come from a ‘list’ family and my Dad and brother would really rather not be bought things off list. Actually they’d probably forego presents conpletely. Always polite and grateful for what they receive of course.

Im happy with ‘off list’ and love surprises but I really don’t like generic gifts - it just comes across as lazy and uncaring and clutters up my house. Just ask me!

My husband comes from a family that thinks asking is the height of rudeness and saying ‘oh actually I’d like this is’ is even ruder. So they buy each other gifts they don’t need, already have, are the wrong size or they actively hate. And everyone is happy…apparently

Luckily he does his family and I do mine. And both sides accept that lists are miles easier for the kids as otherwise we get loads of duplicates.

I keep a rolling list for each person in my phone notes so when we someone mentions something they like I add it to the list. My cousin commented on a nice candle at my house a few months ago so I have bought her that already. My aunt has a new kitchen colour scheme and loves nice tea towels so that’s sorted along with some posh coffee and chocs. My son’s favourite aftershave is running low and likewise mother in laws perfume. My mums favourite author has a new book out right before Xmas. All these are in my notes.

I do ask them too, and pass ideas onto the others if I’m already sorted.

I love that.

We ask what people would like for main present and all other tree presents are surprises and picked up from hearing what people like .

I ask, but get little extras to go with it such as chocolate/fancy biscuits (thank you m&s)/candle/reed diffuser/bubble bath, or in my dm's case a ginormous note book and calendar for her appts; loses them on her phone.

A bit of both really.
I find if you just ask it’s all a bit transactional and everyone I buy for can buy their own things as and when they want.
So I try to just choose things in their taste. I prefer to buy consumables - be that nice toiletries, candles, generally stuff that can be used up and gone out of your house rather than something you’d usually keep hanging around for a long time, mostly because it’s the kind of thing I also prefer to receive!
I ask my dc what they would like; they’re old enough now, no one believes in fc here so it’s all a bit easier in that respect.
We have big families and buy for everyone, I do so wish we could all just decide no presents tbh, we can all buy what we want!!

A bit of a mix here. I have informed my mom and brother (the only people who buy me presents above about £10) that I would like a blanket box and that DD wants a record player.

Between them they may or may not choose to get these things.

And they struggle with gifts for DD (14) generally so she has written as list of the specific Manga books and merchandise she wants. Between us, I, mom and db will get her a few things off the list I expect (we will have to coordinate with her dad and his immediate family too).

I have got DB a couple of books but am also planning on asking his partner to send me a list of his favourite foods so I can do him a little hamper.

But there will also be a fair bit of spontaneous gift buying going on as well. Personally I love surprises (giving and receiving).

I don't think you need a blanket policy on this as such (unless it works for your family, in which case, fine). But I think a mixture of the two approaches can work well.

Adult relatives, no. They get me a load of rubbish I don't want, like several soap sets and alcohol (despite me being teetotal) every year, most of which end up giving to charity or school raffles etc. Not a lot of thought goes into it.

I usually get them something generic like chocolates, biscuits etc that I know they like. But again, it's more transactional and I buy for them only as I know they'll buy for me and don't want to look stupid being empty handed. Despite saying in the past I don't want or need anything, this still continues.

Young/ish relatives and teens get cash or a gift card, that's what they always want anyway. It's like swapping cash for cash between my DC and their cousins.

No, because we agreed to ditch all Xmas and birthday presents, and we go away somewhere smart during the year, for dinner and an overnight stay - much better use of the money, and everyone is happier.
For young children, I would ask their parents.

I ask my nearest and nearest what they want/need. If they fudge the answer then I use my initiative but I do far prefer those that give me a definitive answer

Saves time and money

We do wishlists in our family. Everyone writes a few ideas so people can choose. So there’s still a surprise, sometimes people are specific eg a particular perfume. Other times they are vague eg Handcreams, or a Reed diffuser, or Jumper size 12.

I like our way, I don’t want random stuff as live in a tiny cottage. I can’t store it. People do occasionally go off piste with a little extra gift. Eg I got my mum a vase I knew she would love alongside her main present. But otherwise we stick to the list.