Two Christmas Days?

[Confusdworriedmum]

First year separated from my husband. He has demanded to have the kids from Christmas Eve afternoon until Christmas Day night. I have given in because I can't deal with the drama. I'll probably be on my own Christmas day which is okay.
But I'm wondering about doing a second Christmas day when the kids come back. So stockings, Christmas lunch and presents but I'm not sure.
The two oldest are teenagers and youngest is ND but I think they'd enjoy it. Eldest was enthusiastic about the idea but the friends I've mentioned it too think it's too a bit weird and OTT..
Do you think it's too much and if so what should I do to make Christmas special for us (me and the kids)?

I wouldn't pretend its christmas day again but there's nothing wrong with saying to your children that you'll celebrate boxing day. As someone who's worked a lot of christmas days and tried all sorts- to me at least- boxing day however you frame it doesn't have the same feel as christmas day so I would embrace it for what it is and not try to force something.

Absolutely do it. I’d be inclined to do it before Christmas just to piss ex off, but I’m petty lol

I don’t see it any different to when we go to the in-laws Boxing Day to do a big family get together, presents are exchanged and we have a big Christmas dinner again.

i have lots of family and friends who regularly work Christmas Day of have set ups with 2 homes and do this.

We alternated Christmas day & Boxing day each year, with handover around 10am Boxing day which worked for us.

I absolutely had our "Christmas day" when the kids were with me.
I did a variety of things on actual Christmas day if I didn't have the kids, depending on my situation at the time.
One year when they were small I just told them it was Christmas day a couple of days early and we celebrated it then, apart from that they knew it wasn't "Christmas Day", but it was the day we treated as Christmas, we spent it with my parents, exchanged presents etc.

They had no objections to having a repeat on Boxing day with the other side of their family.

As a child we always celebrated both Christmas day and Boxing day with my parents, sibling, maternal grandparents and their 2 younger sons who weren't that much older than us.
The two days were pretty much identical other than Christmas day was the present exchange day. Depending on what shifts my dad was working, one day would be at our house and the other at my grandparents.

As they got older I think their dad did his "repeat" day a couple of days later rather than the next day.

Oh, and my dad was an arse when I did the earlier day, said he wasn't exchanging presents till the actual Christmas day etc. My mum told him not to be such a pain, and since then he's not said anything.

We always did 2 xmases when the kids were small - one with me and one with dp. We still have multiple Xmases now. See it as a season rather than one day.

I would definitely do it. Christmas does not exclusively have to be celebrated on only the 25th December and most separated families I know have two christmases!

I’ve heard of lots of people doing 2 Christmas days. Have a lovely Boxing Day!!

Does the ND child still believe in Santa? You might need to think up a plausible explanation if so (he delivered half the gifts to you on Christmas Eve perhaps?)

I would definitely do this, or at least do all the bits of Christmas that my kids care about (mine don’t care about a big roast dinner for example). You could also introduce some new traditions that are just yours and separate from what you used to do when you were married.

We did two ‘proper’ Christmas days while the kids were younger, now we do a more chilled out one of ours is the second and they’re happy.

Well done for being a reasonable grown up about it, over the last decade of Christmases it really isn’t worth digging your heels in, it’s mainly about what the kids want in the end. If you’ve got teens they’ll soon make their own decisions about how they want to divide their time and that’s great however they see it.

A Christmas Day by yourself isn’t genuinely ok, spend it in bed! Or running! Or eating Quality Street in your pants!

Not quite the same situation but one year DH was working away over Christmas so when he came back we had a 2nd Christmas day celebration. Small stockings, Christmas dinner with crackers, films, board games etc. The only thing we didn't have was the tree up because it was after 12th night and I'm a bit superstitious
The kids loved it and no one minded having two fun family days

This is really standard round ours, we alternate Christmas so one year they do Christmas Day with us and Boxing Day and the other parent and then vice versa. We don’t tend to do full Christmas lunch on Boxing Day , because everyone has already had it! but still stockings and gifts etc the same as Christmas Day!

I share my son with my ex. On years that I don't have him on Christmas day, we save Christmas and do it when he gets back. That means he gets 2 x Christmas. He is 14yo and we have been doing that since he was 3.

I'd make Boxing Day present day (who doesn't want two days of presents?) but make it 'favourite meal' day or easy 'order pizza' day, depending on how different your DC food preferences are. Films all day and stay in pyjamas, total chill out. So then it's different but also nice. Put your own alternative Christmas routines in place. I love Boxing Day.

I'm petty so I would do it before Christmas, but, I do think it's a good idea and I know of lots of families that do similar.

As the 2 eldest are teenagers they are old enough to decide themselves where to go Christmas day

what is their preference

I would split it and make it Christmassy but not a full on second Christmas

So I would do stockings on Christmas eve

And then a Christmassy lunch on Boxing day but more casual - like Christmas pizza or something - and presents afterwards

Parents divorced when I was 5 as a child we always had a 2nd christmas at dads. Never at mums (siblings were split) I never thought of it as weird but I love christmas so pwehaps I just saw more Christmas = a good thing

I’m petty so I would do stockings on night of 23rd - opening on Christmas Eve in the morning and then an early Christmas lunch on 24th before they are picked up.
if he had been reasonable about Christmas access I would have left celebrating with them until Boxing Day but because he “demanded it” and you felt you had to give in then that’s what I would do!
Nothing wrong with having 2 Christmases anyway, no matter how you do it

Does he have them 50/50 is not abusive and otherwise great and usually contributed to Christmas before you split? If not, they’d be staying with me. If you really can’t bare to say no and cause conflict, I’d be having the best Christmas ever two days before. All my friends whose exes barely see their kids, seem to somehow think Christmas is sacred and that they need to get what’s ‘rightfully theirs’. I just see this as an extension of control and abuse.

The first year i separated from my ex I celebrated Xmas on Xmas Eve. Stockings out the night before, Santa came that night and family came for Xmas lunch on Xmas Eve ….. the kids were 2 and 6 and never knew it was really Xmas Eve. Then they did is all again the next day with their dad. It worked well

That is exactly what we used to do when we went to my dad's on Christmas day.

Each year we alternated so one year the day with mum, one year the day with dad. We'd do a little celebration with the other parent when we saw them. It was fun! I liked it. I don't think it's OTT or weird. All the arrangements where people have the day split so the kids get to see both parents sound more stressful to me.

I think the issue here is op’s said the ex has demanded Christmas Day and she dosnt want the drama, so I’m guessing she also dosnt want to put her DCs on the spot or in the middle of any drama, especially as this is the first year and the split is still fresh. Going forward it may be easier for them to choose but I understand why op wouldn’t want to this time.

I genuinely don’t understand the argument to not.

Your friends aren’t good people.

I’d do it pre Christmas on 23rd as Boxing Day can feel a little lacklustre. I wouldn’t necessarily whip out the turkey and crackers but a fancy meal and gift giving. Even if it’s just the one present and other bits saved for when they get back.

Me too, definitely do it on Christmas eve!

Definitely a good idea, op xx

I doubt the kids will want a second Christmas dinner so close to the first, so what else would they consider a treat for a meal?