What to get a boy 12 y/o school refuser

[Helpneededbyanoutsider]

Just wondering if anyone had any ideas on gifts to get for a 12 y/o boy school refuser. We have got court in a couple weeks and will most likely be fined so I’m a bit hard up to get him much (to reflect the fine) but I also love Christmas and don’t want to be cruel. The issue is when he refuses to go to school he stays home playing Xbox (I have no control over this as it’s his mum’s house and he gets away with it). All he does is play Xbox, he rarely will leave the house and refuses to come to mine. Recent adhd diagnosis and autism assessment later this month. He wanted a gaming pc, the deal was go to school everyday this term unless he’s ill and he has been once so he’s blown that. I don’t want to buy him Roblox coins/ Xbox games/ accessories which is probably what he will want and appreciate.
his brother will be getting what he asked for electric bmx.
the ideas I currently have; box of cookies/ cakes, smellies and clothes.
I have considered learning booked like CGP but it will be a waste as I know he won’t even open them.
do you think that would be cruel? Comparably his brother will be getting the same and the big gift he wanted. Their mum will likely spoil them both.

Personally....a day out somewhere calm and relaxed to try to talk to him and find out what the issues with school are.
(My daughter has ABSA - anxiety based school avoidance - it's a long road getting to the root of it).
What else does he like apart from Xbox or used to like when he was younger.
You could maybe get something to do together like one of the really big Lego sets (there's some based on gaming consoles) and that can also be an opportunity to be together and just talk.
Edit: I am angry on your behalf that they are taking you to court. A pointless thing to do 🙁

I think the day out is a great idea, to do something he'd be interested in other than gaming and talk to him about the issues. Travel to an away football match maybe?

It's shocking that his mother lets him skip school and stay on the Xbox all day. Has he had any engagement with a counsellor to see why he's refusing school - anxiety, bullying?

Would you try to get custody during the week so that you can work on the school refusal and have him doing something educational while he's at home from school?

A sessions with a counsellor so they can get back to school.

Panto tickets? If he would cope in that environment

starter Warhammer set - very strategy based and more creative painting figures (get a painting starter set as well)

nitribullet? Would he get into smoothies etc might help his energy levels or at least get vitamins into him

or popcorn maker - sweet treats but not the worse

In your position, I would still get him a big present, and I would still have a normal Christmas. I can't see any progress being made by punishing him at Christmas.

But, the present should be something that serves a purpose. Agreed upon by you and him. A new hobby or interest or new skill go learn etc. maybe it won't work, but at least it gives the potential of getting him off 24-7 games and into something that can be a positive outlet.

I wouldnt punish him for not going to school. Emotional based school refusal normally has a reason, and im assuming with ADHD and ASD his needs arent beong met. Look up not fine in school facebook page. We are going through same thing. He wants a welder for christmas

Gym membership - somewhere you can go together.

Somewhere like a theme park day out with you

Gym membership and days out together are great ideas.

He wanted a gaming pc, the deal was go to school everyday this term unless he’s ill and he has been once so he’s blown that

That was setting him up to fail. The first day he couldn’t go in, he’d already blown his chances, so what’s the point trying. I know it’s hard to anticipate those outcomes when you’re doing your best trying to motivate him. But going forward, set smaller goals or break it down. If each day he spends some time in school counted towards a computer, he could “save up” even if he has a bad day.

For Christmas, I’d get him the Roblox coins. Meet him where he’s at. Obviously gaming all day isn’t ideal, but since you can’t control that, you have to start where he’s at. It’s very likely that he’s locked in a shame spiral, feeling worthless, and Christmas is not the time to teach morality lessons. He needs to feel loved, appreciated to begin to climb out. Taking our dc’s interests seriously is a route to connection.

I know money is tight, but could you stretch to getting your own Xbox, maybe second hand? Or do you know someone with one who would let you play now and then so you could play remotely with him?