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Original poster

Cut off age for present giving?

40 replies

emeraldstar · 03/09/2025 12:02

Do you have a cut off age for buying for the “kids” in your family.
For example dhs niece and nephews we always buy birthday and Christmas gifts for.
They are almost 30 and work full time and he still buys for them at Christmas and gives them a birthday gift.
Now they’re starting to have their own families he thinks we should still buy for the nieces and nephews but also their babies now more so to keep his sister and brother happy.
We also have a family friend who has two children, we buy for both only at Christmas though but her oldest is gone 18 and I feel that we should only buy for the younger child now.
Am I being a Scrooge here?

OP posts:
NJLX2021 · 05/09/2025 04:51

in my family, what ended up happening was that people mostly stopped when adult children had kids.

The presents kind of transferred, and as soon as someone had children, instead of buying for them, you bought something for their child.

That works well for those who have children.. but it did lead to a weird situation where presents were bought for one adult child because they didn't have kids, but then the other adult child gets nothing because their children get the present.

For me, I would just keep it at 18. Because, what seemed to happen was that the adult children with kids of their own didn't care about not getting presents from extended family... it was actually those without children who felt awkward/embarrassed, because they are now getting presents along with the young children of the family.

18+ then secret santa sounds perfect - I wish my family did that.

Lavenderandbrown · 05/09/2025 05:40

I still gift my nephew who spends the holiday staying at my house and he’s 30+. Last year it was a really nice pair of apple
Airbuds the same as I gifted my DS. He’s a joy to buy for because he’s so so appreciative and he’s frugal. If I don’t gift him he would not receive any gifts ( his dad takes him on holiday in lieu of gift). My other 2 nephews are married have dc and do not live anywhere near me. I just stopped gifting them. I’m actually happy I only have 3 nephews! I think it’s ok to stop at any age but I would gift until they are done with school and have a job probably post uni if you can afford it.

stayathomer · 05/09/2025 05:42

No, I continue, it’s just vouchers or more grown up gifts instead of toys!

AxolotlEars · 05/09/2025 08:21

I chose 18.... probably informed by the fact that noone ever acknowledged the gift! My mum went on longer but got a bit bitter about it 😆 I suggested we stopped between adult siblings when it was clear we were having obviously recycled presents my sister in law had been given as a teacher.....it wasn't quite a "best teacher" mug but it wasn't subtle 🤣 I've just decided not to do Father's day presents anymore...they are in their 80s. My grandmother announced in her 80s that she didn't want presents anymore

Shinyandnew1 · 05/09/2025 08:43

They are almost 30 and work full time and he still buys for them at Christmas and gives them a birthday gift.

Do they buy anything back for him? That's the main issue really. If he buys for grown adults with jobs and they reciprocate and everyone is happy, great. If he's going to continue buying for them and their children and they buy nothing back, that's bizarre.

We stop at 18 in my family.

MrsMoastyToasty · 05/09/2025 08:44

We went from buying presents to sending cash at 13, with that ending at 18.
We are also spread across England and Scotland so unless a family member was visiting and could take the presents back with them the postage costs were getting too prohibitive to send presents (and we didn't really know what the kids had already as we only saw them about once a year).
Most of DH nieces and nephews have gone on to have their own children. I don't buy for the great neices and nephews at Christmas or birthdays but do pay for stuff for them when we actually see them. One great neice is actually older than my own DS.

Samesame47 · 05/09/2025 08:47

We stop with nieces and nephews at 21. Our nieces and nephews have started having their own children now so we give a gift to the baby when it’s born but don’t continue to after that point. We have a large family and it would simply become too expensive to continue, especially once we retire ourselves. We currently have 29 nieces/nephews, those aged up to 21 years receive £30 for birthdays and £30 for Christmas, going up to £35 next year as the figure has risen over the years with inflation. Thankfully we only have 10 left in the age category. The family collectively decided how to work this many years ago so everyone has been treat the same.

Baby26 · 05/09/2025 08:58

In our family we decided that once kids come along (if they come along) then the gift is bought for the child instead. That's what we do with our siblings now (I'm the youngest and had kids last so was the last to receive my own gifts!).

2chocolateoranges · 05/09/2025 09:07

Growing up my aunts/uncles stopped buying for us when we had our own children.

our nieces and nephews range from 8-28 (we have 9 between us and still buy for the 28 yr old. Budget of £20, so it doesn’t break the bank.

Cantstopthenoise · 06/09/2025 13:57

My family stopped gift buying for nieces and nephews once the youngest turned 18 unless the older one had left home or had children beforehand. One of my aunts had 9 years between her youngest and middle child so gifts from aunts and uncles stopped for the older two once her middle one had turned 18 and they only bought for the youngest afterwards.

My nieces and nephews will range in age from 6 to 18 this Christmas and I'll still be happy to give gifts for the 18 year old unless the parents say otherwise. Me and my brother still buy for each other and partners as we have done all our adult lives. Our parents and their siblings stopped buying for each other once they had children and just bought for the children instead.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 08/09/2025 20:35

When they have their own families just buy for the kids. If they don't have their own families a token gift when they're spending Christmas with your siblings.

Thesavioursofsole · 08/09/2025 20:42

a gift should come from a place of love not a sense of duty so if you feel you want to stop it’s ok to stop.
ive cut right down and now only gift to close family members

ShortColdandGrey · 09/09/2025 19:21

We only have a few in the over 18 group and we still buy for them. It would be rude to cut them off when we are still buying for my BIL and kids and he has never bought anyone a present except his mum 🤣

Dearg · 09/09/2025 19:30

DHS family, we stopped in their early twenties. They don’t live near us, we rarely see them.
With my family, we agreed with the adult nieces and nephews to buy for their dc , and as a family we nominate a charity ( local to us) and my siblings & I donate in lieu of ‘stuff’.
DH’s sister however, still prefers physical gifts 🙄

Sunshineismyfavourite · 09/09/2025 19:33

DHs family - which is huge - always agreed to stop when the kids started work - so mostly 18. I have 2 nieces and we kept sending birthday and Christmas gifts - my family is much smaller. They are both late twenties and living their own adult lives. I stopped sending them presents a few years ago when they didn't bother sending a thank you message! They're nice girls and we see them once/twice a year but I can't be doing with sending presents when they can't be arsed to say thanks!

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