Christmas after losing a loved one

[Sunshineandbluesky]

I love the Christmas topic so I’m sorry to bring misery here.
I absolutely love Christmas - normally. Normally I’d be on here cheering myself up and enjoying planning.
But not this year. My lovely wonderful husband has died. My young teenager has lost a dad.
Everyone says Christmas is ages away. But it’s not. And I will be heartbroken. I don’t know how I can do it. But I have to for my child.
Does anyone have any ideas or experience of this?
A holiday abroad is not possible I’m afraid.
I’m incredibly fragile so please be kind. Thanks.

Please talk to your teen and make a plan together.

I can't imagine the pain you are both in. Sometimes carrying on as normal helps, sometimes doing something completely different. Or sometimes picking some traditions to continue, while dropping others.

I have also had a friend whose younger child died and she was (understandably) in pieces and couldn't get over it. Her older child in the end had to be very frank that she felt she was second best to her younger sibling.

Neither was wrong. But it needs to be a joint decision of how to continue together as a family, while acknowledging the huge loss.

Hi OP.

Have a think about maybe volunteering on the day, you might even be able to do it together with your teenage son. That way there is no pressure at all on the day and you get your mind on to something else. Meet some nice people etc

I am so sorry, sounds v difficult.

Would it help at all to build in a new tradition - where you go somewhere to honour your dh first before the festivities eg a walk to a special place or to light a candle somewhere beautiful, that kind of thing?

I’m so sorry.

my nan died just after Christmas. The last Christmas memory we have of her is her being very obviously end of life and unable to even recognise us.

the first Christmas after losing her was rubbish. I think that all you can do is just do what you feel like. Put no pressure on yourselves to be happy. If you want to stay in, eat a freezer dinner and pretend it’s not happening, do that.

This sounds really nice

The first Christmas after losing my brother I couldn't cope with a normal Christmas, I had no interest but had to fake enthusiasm as I have young kids, it was really hard. My only stipulation was that it had to just be the 4 of us that year and no extended family, in laws etc, I found it too difficult seeing my husband and his siblings together (not their fault, obviously!) nearly 4 years later and it's gotten easier and I've done things at Christmas to remember him instead, although it is still hard.
My only advise is to celebrate or not celebrate in the way that feels most comfortable for you all, and be selfish if you want other people to keep away. I'm very sorry for your loss.

We just did Christmas very much as we always did, plus a mid morning walk to visit Dh’s grave. Tbh although I love Christmas, back then I found the responsibility of trying to see all the elderlies at Christmas very difficult and there was no change to that, though at least it kept us busy. So I would say for some years I’d had Christmas moments rather than a whole Christmas. Ds and I went skating at Somerset House in December, I cooked the Christmas foods we liked most and not the ones we didn’t, i decorated a stupidly enormous tree for my own pleasure.