Maybe a solo Christmas this year?

[Tatiepot]

DS10 might want to spend this Christmas with my XH's family. That's absolutely fine with me, he's not wanted to until now, so I haven't made it happen (XH was/is abusive and hasn't ever asked to have DS either, and we don't do 50/50 as he can barely be bothered to see him the rest of the year).

Anyway, if DS goes, I might be looking at Christmas on my own for the first time. Which I think I'm fine about, I don't need to be a spare part at anyone else's feast and I'm sort of looking forward to some very rare me-time.

So how do I make it special? Or do I not bother and just chill?

Ideas gratefully received, TIA.

Frozen party food things, tv remote control, bliss.

Frozen party food things, tv remote control, bliss.

I would do this…

Long bath, new book and coffee.
Blow dry your hair, moisturise top to toe then favourite skincare and new pyjamas.

Pastries from my favourite bakery (purchased on Christmas Eve) for brunch with more of my book.

Afternoon film, cosy blanket, lots of candles.

Fillet steak, langoustines or prawns, rocket abd sourdough to mop up the buttery juices. Glass of wine and my favourite music.

Is that a good idea if his dad never really bothers with him for the rest of the year. It sounds like it could be a miserable christmas for your DS.

However, if it does go ahead, I'd get in loads of lovely easy to cook M&S goodies, lovely wine, cheeses etc and binge watch all the fab TV/movies etc.

And go for a lovely long walk. I'm not near the coast but I'd be tempted to drive to the sea for a walk, traffic will be minimal. Good podcast in, flask of coffee as nothing will be open.

Will DS just be gone for the day or for longer?

If longer, I’d look at going away for a couple of days.

If just the day then I would get in all my favourite food that don’t need cooking, have a morning in my pjs alternating between reading and watching a movie, then an early afternoon walk and a nap. If I felt like company I’d go to a church service.

There would be a delicious smelling candle burning all day and I’d have some ice cold champagne and make a hot chocolate from scratch when I got back from my walk

There was countless threads on this
last year if you search.

It would be a shame if he went knowing you’d be alone. Given now his dad sounds I’d expect him wanting to be picked up during the day so I’d make loose plans!

@Lemonadeat8thats very unfair to put on a 10yo!

What is your xh family like?

For me I would just do Christmas another day when ds is there and just have a lazy Christmas day myself. I would get some treat food from somewhere like m&s which I can just pop into the oven. Probably would relax and binge watch a series.

DS and I will definitely "do" Christmas once he's back - if he wants to go they'll be away for a few days as it's the other end of the country. XH's family are superficially ok (safe etc, they just fully believe XH's narc tales about him being the victim and me the abusive one...crazy ex and all that) or I wouldn't be allowing it. But I have to let DS make his own mind up about his dad in his own time...he's beginning to see that I do everything and that his dad spends the minimum amount of time with him...and this is the first year he's even mentioned it, even though every year since we've split I've said he can go to his dad's if he wants to.

If he does, then some treat food and TV sounds like just the thing, I very, very rarely get time to spoil myself!

If it’s a few days then really spoil yourself. Plan lie ins and maybe some evenings out or even days out.

I hope you have a lovely time

Well, you can stay at home - but it might be even more of a treat if you can go away somewhere. Doesn’t have to be far flung - a few nights at a Premier Inn by the sea in Wales or Scotland could be majestically restorative. (And it would mean your ex couldn’t change his mind about the length of time he has his son for.)

Alternatively, another of my favourite solo Christmas times was housesitting for a friend in my most beloved city. Spent a magical time just mooching around, long city walks, unfamiliar coffee shops, galleries …

I think staying at home can be lovely if you don’t generally get much leisure time alone. For me the treat aspect would involve ordering some ambitious single malt, half a case of Very Good Wine and cracking open a book I’ve been meaning to read for years.

Also loud music.

Also, importantly, start putting together a stocking for yourself, now, so you’ll have forgotten what’s in it by Christmas morning. (If you receive one from any family - take it with you if you go away!)

I think I’d look at staying somewhere in a drivable distance from DS so you can get him if you need to.

Pick somewhere with things to do that you like (walks, cycling, pubs you can sit and read in, fancy restaurants, whichever suits you).

I think it’s hard to advise when we don’t know what would make a nice day for you - for me I’d be booking a cosy cottage with a non strenuous walk nearby, taking cross stitch and books, downloading some Christmas films, podcasts and playlist and booking a pub for Christmas lunch.

Just wanted to say that giving your DS the freedom to go to his dad’s family without a guilt trip is so healthy. You’ll have a long and strong relationship with him.

Do you have a fancy hotel locally? I think I’d do that. Room service, a swim, cocktails in mt room, lovely

Why ‘locally’?

This. I don't think this sounds like a good idea for your son.

If we have misunderstood though I think some spa hotels do Christmas breaks

I’ve just checked and our nearest Spa Hotel is closed which is a shame as after last year I’d be tempted to book myself in and let DH do all of the hosting

I think what you’re choosing for your DS is very healthy too

Thanks everyone - I'm doing my best to do the right thing even though of course I'd rather he stays home with me...his dad is sickeningly manipulative so I go out of my way to be the exact opposite.

If it was just going to be DS and his dad I would be more concerned, but XH will be playing World's Best Dad in front of his family so DS should be ok. I'll be somewhere in the UK if not at home, so if he needs picking up I can get there without too much trouble.

I'd start stockpiling really nice bath stuff, skincare and fancy chocolates/coffee, any luxury items you love, then put together a hamper for yourself and open it on Christmas morning :D then a day of doing whatever the hell you want!

Yesssss this!

This is what I would do:

Shower and dress

Breakfast - smoked salmon, cream cheese, lemon, dill bagel

Walk to church - sing some carols

Lunch - some M&S canapés

Nice walk mid-afternoon, just as it’s getting dark, see all the Christmas lights on the houses

Early supper - cheeses and biscuits.
Mince pie and ice cream
Christmas chocolates watching Elf or The Holiday or Die Hard

Bubble bath with specially bought for yourself bubble bath (Clarins/ Molton Brown)

Into bed early with a nice new book (bought for yourself, specially) that you’ve been dying to read.

If I ever happened to be alone on Christmas, I’d probs spend a fortune of M&S party food, watch Christmas movies and tv and stuff my face with everything else.