Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Breaking the news to DD

22 replies

Rainallnight · 28/07/2025 22:29

DD is 9 and has always been a fervent believer in the big guy. She’s generally very imaginative and prone to believing in slightly magical things and is probably a bit younger in lots of ways that the other girls in her class.

She asked me outright the other day if DP and I did all the Christmas presents - her little brother was nearby so I got a bit flummoxed and said ‘of course not!’ But I’m fairly sure that won’t be the end of it.

I’m worried that she’ll be (a) very upset upset and (b) will think we’ve lied to her (she’s quite black and white in her thinking).

Any suggestions about ways to handle would be most welcome.

OP posts:
Bufftailed · 28/07/2025 22:33

I can tell you what not to do. DS was 9 or 10 - kept interrogating me. Had been to a Christmas party and had a few drinks so I just told him straight. He cried a few hours. I felt bad. But you just have to tell them. Next time she asks tell her. But ideally not when she is about to go to school or something. They bounce back quick

FloraBotticelli · 28/07/2025 22:37

Similar to @Bufftailed - it was awful for a couple of days, he quickly realised that the tooth fairy and Easter bunny must also not be real, I felt terrible and questioned how I’d dealt with his whole childhood, and it passed!

autienotnaughty · 28/07/2025 22:38

If she asks again I would give an answer saying Santa is magical and everyone can choose to believe in him and his magic or not.
i told my kids the actual truth at 11 as I felt they were ready to know (and possibly already knew!

Lollypop701 · 28/07/2025 22:40

Talk about the spirit of Christmas, and Father Christmas as the embodiment of that.. the joy of picking snd giving gifts, family time, decorating the tree and your home to make the time special. This is the magic of Christmas, making other people happy and. Celebrating each other. This is what you as parents were showing your children.

She is now getting older and gets to share in making it a special time for her brother, making it magical for him. It’s not a lie .. it’s just that Father Christmas is the spirit of Christmas rather than a person… and she gets to be the spirit of Christmas by helping you pick presents, decorate, make lovely food for everyone to enjoy

Studyunder · 28/07/2025 23:09

I once read a lovely method where you tell the with an excited whisper them thinking this means they’re old enough to be part of the Christmas magic and story themselves! By playing a role in helping create Christmas magic for younger children in the world, you get to be part of Santa’s story.
iI need to look it up myself as my daughter will soon know and I can see her being really sad.

purpleme12 · 28/07/2025 23:14

I couldn't deal with the absolute heartbreak from my child when she thought I was the tooth fairy so had to say I was joking and I'm not the tooth fairy

fourelementary · 28/07/2025 23:21

@Rainallnight I’d explain that you didn’t want to spoil it for her little brother but that she was right- and she’s now old enough to help be part of the Santa secret herself?

DoDiDaDa · 28/07/2025 23:35

My DD asked when she was 10, but really wanted to believe. I told her the truth. We both sobbed. Then she asked about the tooth fairy and we sobbed more.... She knew it wasn't real but so wanted to believe. Bless her. I remember going to speak to her dad after to explain and saying Ive just broken her heart. That evening was tough but she moved on really fast. For Christmas the next year she checked we could afford it before it writing the list! She still wrote a list and put food out for santa and the reindeers we even bought glitter (edible, reindeer friendly obvs) 😆

Colettecorfu · 28/07/2025 23:41

Mine still go out to feed the reindeer on Christmas Eve, albeit usually after stumbling home from the pub. They are in their twenties 😂

Devonshiregal · 28/07/2025 23:42

What? Why is everyone ‘telling’ their kids? Surely the vast majority have pretty much figured it out by 9. If they ask you give them the talk on how you can choose to believe and everyone has different beliefs and the spirit and all that, and then they continue to age and gradually just ‘know’ it’s you.

Like with religion, unless you’re massively atheist surely you just say ooh everyone believes their own thing and it’s personal.

And I mean, if she presses whether it’s specifically YOU giving the presents just say I definitely help with them. and if she gets crazy just say oh that’s ok sweetie I can stop if you’d rather - and watch her suddenly decide to not question Santa ever again!

Like I genuinely don’t see why we need to cut them down. Not like they’re going to be 23 having their first Christmas away and be screaming crying on Christmas morning because Santa didn’t come is it? Neither, for that matter, have I ever heard an adult saying how much they don’t trust their parents because they “lied” to them about Santa? Why spoil it so line in the sand style. Let it fade.

Azandme · 28/07/2025 23:46

I told dd in Y6, because I didn't want her going to secondary believing in Santa and being ridiculed for it...

She laughed at me, and said, "I knooooooowwwwwww." Turns out she'd known a couple of years but hadn't said anything because she didn't want to ruin the fun for ME! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

We still do everything as we always have though.

NightPuffins · 28/07/2025 23:46

Do you ever have to tell her, really?

I am 47 and neither of my parents ever told me the truth. No matter how many times I asked they kept up the pretence. There were a couple of christmases of me not being 100% sure, followed by the christmas of realising exactly what the set up was, and from then on each year enjoying and embracing the pretence!

Still now, I am asked to write my list for Father Christmas each year, though these days it goes by email via my mum rather than in the post. My gifts are still given to me in a bag labelled “from Father Christmas”.

Surely she will naturally work it out for herself at some point, or school friends will make it obvious, and you can still play along at home just for the sheer Christmas joy of it.

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 28/07/2025 23:49

My oldest found out in year 6, she was devastated as she found out by accident. She got over it after lots of tears as I was able to bring her into the secret where her younger siblings were concerned.

My current 11 yo knows, she told her big sister but not us, she’s planning on trying to catch us out apparently. I think she’s been sceptical for years but happily believed or humoured me when I said of course he’s real.

My almost 8yo still believes, I fully intend to push her to believe for as long as possible. I feel she will stop believing sooner but plan on trying to keep the secret as long as possible.

LocalHobo · 28/07/2025 23:57

If she asks again I would give an answer saying Santa is magical and everyone can choose to believe in him and his magic or not.
Exactly. I add, truthfully, that I have often had wonderful things happen at Christmas that I wasn't expecting, so it seems a truly magical time to me.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/07/2025 00:00

They get over.it.
I would probably be vague for this Christmas, they want to know, but don't want to know..I thought it was best to be honest until he cried for a week.
He wasn't ready for the truth.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 29/07/2025 00:05

Agree with PP about making her part of the big secret for your DS - that way it's something special that 'only cool big kids know about'.

I hope she doesn't do what mine did. He found out by accident when an older kid at football told him that SC was for babies, a bit younger than I would perhaps have liked and he assumed all 'things we believe in' were 'things we grew out of.
Anyway, one of my best friends is a vicar, and he is very comfortable with her and we go to her church as a family. He proudly strolled right up to her after the service and said 'it's ok Rev XXX the I am bigger I won't believe in Jesus anymore as believing stuff is for babies, like Santa'. She laughed and laughed.

Kiddo still enjoys church. We had a little chat with him about how he can of course choose later on if he wants to stop coming when he is grown up but that believing in Jesus and Santa Claus really isn't the same thing.

EveChristmas · 31/07/2025 08:12

So I have 6 kids and we have a rule in our house that tends to stop the questions. We say that Father Christmas stops getting your presents when you start secondary school. They still get all the same stuff but they know that parents are doing it instead of the big guy. We also only have Father Christmas do stockings and 1 gift under the tree. That way they’re not disappointed when mum and dad take over. It’s never been a big deal but if I had advice for any new parents, it would be to tone down how much FC does to avoid disappointment later.

newhouseplans · 31/07/2025 08:28

I would stop directly lying to her. Be more like a politician!

What we did with our DC was, if they asked directly, to evade the answer without actually lying, e.g. answering questions with "that's an interesting question, what do you think?" And then "really?! And do your friends think that too?" and take the first possible opportunity to change the subject or leave the room!

Neither pushed it enough for us to have to tell them directly, and they worked it out by themselves over time without any drama.

Now at secondary, they still get stockings and we still pretend Father Christmas comes, but it's just a fun game we all play. There's an unspoken agreement that if you say FC isn't real, the stocking might not appear!

I think adults need to remember that DC play imaginary games all the time e.g. they they're a dinosaur or an astronaut or a bug or whatever. We don't need to tell them they're not really that thing, not do we need to directly lie to them that they are, in order for them to enjoy it.

Father Christmas is a fun make believe game we all play, but adults forget about how to play make believe and get far too invested in the lie IMO and then we find ourselves in tight corners!

I did with the tooth fairy, which DD realised wasn't real at a much younger age, and I before I'd worked out how to avoid questions like a politician. She asked me directly. I asked her if she really, really wanted to know as you can't take it back once you know. (Or so I thought!)

She said she did, and so I told her the truth, that the tooth fairy was us. She was absolutely distraught, it turns out she wasn't ready to hear it wasn't real. I felt so bad I backtracked and said I'd got it wrong, and actually money did appear from somewhere so it probably did exist. She went on believing in the tooth fairy for a while after that, she obviously just really wanted to!

HappiestSleeping · 31/07/2025 08:31

You mean Father Christmas isn't real???????

OMG!

😮

JustAQuietSpotPlease · 31/07/2025 08:37

Ignore all the my child figured this out at 3 stuff that you will hear. What we did was tell them that they were now part of the group of grown ups all keeping the magic of Christmas alive for the younger children. We talked about how much joy this had brought them as a younger child and now it was their turn to keep the magic alive for their friends, siblings and when they are older, maybe their children too. Talk about the origins of it and how long this beautiful magic has been kept going by teachers, parents, grandparents, all the shops and the Santa's Grotto staff.

In our house we only did a stocking from Father Christmas and my children (adults) still hang up a stocking for him and somehow that stocking is filled on Christmas morning. Magic.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 31/07/2025 08:47

I find ' what do YOU think?' works well in these situations.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page