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Christmas

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Family visiting

14 replies

Mom303 · 17/05/2025 22:31

Hi I know it's early and we're only coming into half way of the year ! But I just want to spend Christmas with my partner and children have a nice relaxing time in our own comforts and not have to worry about others. My mother in law lives 6 hours away and also has her birthday on Christmas day and last year spent Christmas at our house and stayed for over a week. We are also in a 1 bedroom flat which we gave up our living room and changed it into 2 bedrooms so we can accommodate our 2 children and me and my partner so we have no space for us basically so whenever she stays there is literally no space left at all. So she's sat in mine and my partners bedroom all day with us .She also brings way to much stuff with her a giant suitcase. Clothes on hangers which she hangs up in my tiny hallway it's just a lot when we don't have space . Anyway I mentioned to my partner I want our own Christmas this year and he said what about my mum ? She's going to be on her own and I do feel bad but at the same time I want my own space and my own family traditions ect . I just hate feeling like I can't relax or be myself when I have visitors . She likes to try and come down every 2 months and stays for a whole week I would prefer this to be longer stretches without her visiting tbh but my partner doesn't understand he thinks I don't like his mum but I just like my own space and really feel like I have to put on a whole act when she's here and it's draining. I've gone on a bit of a rant but I'm wanting to know if it's ok to have Christmas without extra people! I don't mind every other year she comes down but every year without our own Christmas makes me feel so sad . Both my mother in law and partner hate Christmas which also makes it hard for me to get into the magic feels like I would if I was on my own with my children because I absolutely Love Christmas

OP posts:
xmasdealhunter · 17/05/2025 22:37

Would it be an option for your MIL to rent an Airbnb flat/ stay in a premier inn/ a bnb nearby, rather than stay in your flat? That would make it feel less intrusive, since she wouldn't be in your space, and if she booked now she'd get a reasonable deal.

Redshoeblueshoe · 17/05/2025 22:43

As they both hate Christmas tell him to go to hers for a week.
You and the DC have a fun time at home win/win

Autumn38 · 18/05/2025 08:21

To be honest the problem sounds like you don’t even have enough living space for a family of four, let alone with guests.

on the other hand there is no way I’d leave my mum on her own for Christmas ever, so I can understand your partner’s POV.

could you go and stay with her? Or she books a hotel nearby? Or you all book somewhere together?

crumblingschools · 18/05/2025 08:25

Do you see your family as well?

Is living in your flat going to be long term or are you hoping to get a bigger place at some point?

Is DH an only child?

justkeepswimingswiming · 18/05/2025 09:01

Well the answer to this is - you have no space for her to stay! Why isn’t he going to stay at her house? Or she could rent a hotel? Or air B&b?
it’s just ridiculous having 5 of you in a tiny 1 bed flat.m especially a week at a time!

Stickortwigs · 18/05/2025 09:04

Can you visit her for a couple of days? The space issue does sound very difficult.

I think it’s useful to think ahead to the future too and if you’d be happy if you were alone and your two children didn’t spend Christmas with you.

ShrinkingAndEmerging · 18/05/2025 09:04

It would be extremely unkind to leave her alone for her Christmas/Birthday.

Theraffarian · 18/05/2025 10:32

I’m actually surprised you have managed to cope with the visits of that length and that regularly as it is in such a small space . I would completely agree she needs to stay in an air b and b , hotel or whatever her budget allows . That way you can have her over for dinner and your partner can spend as much time with her as he wants . I assume he can disappear off to work during the day , leaving you to entertain her and the children .
You definitely need your partner on the same page for this one , as it probably won’t go down well with her . However you could come at it from the perspective that the children are growing and need more space now .
Perfectly reasonable to want your own Christmas and to build your own traditions, but since you’ve got into this routine it might be you have to break it slowly .
At other times of the year could your husband visit her for a long weekend instead ? Does she have no other family and friends she can spend time with ?

healthybychristmas · 18/05/2025 10:38

Send your partner to his mother's house. You can have a lovely Christmas and he can have a lovely time ignoring it.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 18/05/2025 14:06

Where does she sleep? This doesn’t sound like a feasible option going forward, especially as your kids get older.

I can understand why your DH doesn’t want to leave her on her own for her birthday and Christmas. Do they both hate it because it’s her birthday too? I would hate to have Christmas ruined for my kids.

I would suggest options of you all get an Airbnb together somewhere, she gets a hotel/airbnb near you or your DH goes and spends the day with her and you have the kids (although this would not be an option I would accept).

lizzyBennet08 · 19/05/2025 14:32

No way would I ever leave my mom on her own for Xmas .

Maybe he and kids can go to his moms for the day and you can enjoy a few days peace at home .

hattie43 · 21/05/2025 18:49

I think the problem is because of the complete lack of space . I’m really surprised she wants to stay so long with no peace or privacy . Either send your OH to her house for Christmas or rent a bigger cottage etc so you all go away . I couldn’t let someone spend Christmas on their own , it’s not right .

TENSsion · 26/05/2025 19:15

Can you go to her instead?

AliasGraced · 26/05/2025 19:19

She’s being very selfish to impose herself like that when you have no space at all. She needs to rent an air b and b or you go and stay with her. Is there no one else at all she can stay with over Xmas?

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