Alternatives to giving Christmas presents?

[Dressinggownqueenslay]

Hi all,

I know it’s very early to be thinking about Christmas. I’m on maternity leave so am budgeting for the year, the last few months I will be on nil pay so am trying to work out how to either save money/ flog stuff / budget accordingly or look at alternatives.

So far I’m thinking of doing a secret Santa with one half of the family or just not doing gifts for adults? Or maybe I could suggest we will treat ourselves to an experience we all go to instead of doing presents? Does anyone do anything like the above or not exchange presents at all? I spend so much money at Christmas, I would love to find a way to enjoy gifting without being broke in the new year.

Personally, I'd love no gift option. DH and I find it so painful finding gift ideas for everyone.

One year, I was very organised and in Oct, had finished my Christmas shopping. MIL advised that 'they' had decided not to give gifts that year, except for the children, so not to bring any adult gifts to Christmas.
You can imagine my surprise on Christmas day, when all the adults were given gifts! I made it clear that MIL had told me NOT to bring adult gifts etc and their gifts were sitting wrapped at my home 2hrs away. 😡

If you do decide to give no gifts or secret santa, just make it clear to everyone in the family.

Yes to an adult secret Santa! It’s much better to get one nice gift than 12 small rubbish bottles ones.

Do you have a partner? Could they « do » Christmas shopping this year?

Family gifts for siblings dropped away when they had kids, gifts for kids went on until 18. Exceptions were special/landmark birthdays.

Gifts to GPs/parents essential as they tended to do so much for DC. As far as I'm concerned, I definitely want gifts from DH. An experience is a gift - not DHs style though. Quite happy with the gifts he buys

I like the idea of an adult secret Santa, do we set a theme/ budget?

My DH is onboard with saving money, it will be his side of the family we can do a secret Santa for. It’s my side which this wouldn’t be possible. Tempted to just say no presents for adults. This is a bit awkward in that I’m the only one with children and I would feel bad if they insist on buying for them and I won’t be able to gift back.

Definitely set a budget. Either a theme or everyone writes a list of things they’d like. We used to do the list while friends family had a theme such as Something for the weekend or Going on holiday or. something from a charity shop.

I understand I’m an outlier but I love getting presents for my adult family. I hate it when my brother says “let’s not bother”. However, I do get that it can be a burden.

A secret santa, doing second hand or charity shop gifts, setting a £10 budget and getting everyone a book, doing “family” gifts of a new board game per household and everyone booking a trip to a local panto/whatever as the extended family’s gifts to each other are all things I’ve been part of.

Also homemade gifts, but those are very polarising!
One skint year I made tote bags for all women, scarves for all the blokes that coordinated with their winter coats, sewed doll outfits and teddies from favourite clothes the children had outgrown (liaised with their parents). Homemade jams and chutney with homemade biscuits for the older relatives in care homes.

I did used to sell my jams etc commercially, though, so I had an advantage there.

Yes to a budget - we do our Family Secret Santa between 10 adults, and the limit is £60. You couldn't find 10 good gifts at that price (at least not easily).

We don't do a theme, but we do have everyone list out something they want in a shared google spreadsheet (other apps are available). And on years when we won't all be in the same country, we rig the drawing system to minimise postage-pain. For example, couple A&B (rich, live in our hometown) post gifts at great expense to couple C&D in Exotic Overseas Location. C&D in turn post gifts to E&F (broke, living in hometown), and E&F hand-deliver gifts to A&B.

We did adult secret Santa. £30 etc per adult if they were single or £30 per couple and do a couple gift.
we opened them one at a time. All done with brown paper. A bin bag was at the front door for quick drop offs.
tbh the working out who had who took up the rest of the day and was usually far better entertainment than the gifts…
we used an app and you could write a wish list if you wanted.

Re no secret santa on your side: can you "decide once"? (A concept from The Lazy Genius podcast designed to reduce the mental load.)

For example, everyone is going to get a book. There, no stressing about What Should We Get Uncle Joe. Budget £20(?) per person, and build a fortnightly secondhand store trip into your routine (you can get brand new books for pennies, hunt out a cookbook or sports memoir for Uncle Joe). Baby smears some paint on cardboard and you call that a bookmark. Sorted.

Swap out books for coffee/wine/jam hamper, nice scarf, houseplant in a nice (secondhand) pot, printed and framed photo of the recipient as a child from the archives... But Decide Once, everyone gets the same "thing", whatever it is.

Tell your most sympathetic or gossipy relative that you're busy and broke this year (see: baby) and enjoy your Christmas!

To add to my earlier post, just a different perspective as you are the only one with children.

My family are all abroad. I moved to the UK 20yrs ago and when my 1st niece arrive, I used to post gifts back for her. Year on year, as more children were born in both mine and DH's family, I felt compelled to give to siblings too. At 1 point, I was posting/giving 14 gifts, for both birthdays and Christmas, so 28 children's gifts a year. It was certainly adding up and I'd made a rod for my own back.

I am forever grateful when 2 families told me to stop due to the costs and their children just getting too many gifts. DH and I TTC 12yrs but have no children. I realise its not a transaction to give gifts, but I spent £££'s over the years on gifts for their children. In the majority if cases it was never reciprocated in any way.

We always do secret santa with family, and some years have done a creative version with everyone making the gifts which often proved lovelier than anything you would buy in a shop

What sort of things do people make that go down well?

Thank you for your perspective, if I decide to do no gifts I’ll insist the DC are left out too. Sorry to hear about your TTC journey x

I don’t know what your budget is/was, but what about eg a one year pass to somewhere? National Trust? Then arrange dates to meet up together?

I have no idea how much a pass is. But it’s not ‘stuff’.

People have usually gone with their skills, which could be video editing a really cute video or putting together a photo book. Hand sewn cushions, patchwork quilts, personalised gym kit bags, stockings. Hand painted clocks, storage boxes, portraits, a hook for a dog lead. Baked/cooked items: fancy biscuits, sweets, truffles, jam, chutney, chilli jam, Christmas cake or pudding, pork scratchings.