Page 2 | If a gift is ‘on the way’, when is it arriving?

Itsaswelltime · 2025-01-02T21:55:41+00:00

told (on 25th Dec.) that a gift is on its way to me; it’s jointly for Christmas and my birthday which was at start of Dec. I think it’s jewellery. When do you think it’s reasonable for me to expect it might arrive? I’m thinking perhaps it’s being engraved, how long does that usually take?

Derbee · 29/01/2025 15:59

It’s so bizarre to not be able to ask your husband what delivery date he was given by the company when he ordered your gift.

Needanewname42 · 29/01/2025 17:24

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 29/01/2025 15:58

I would just say "hey, what happened to that thing you said was on its way?" In a breezy way

Yip. Quite weird not to feel you can ask.

Op is this part of a bigger issue in your relationship?

BellissimoGecko · 29/01/2025 23:02

Itsaswelltime · 29/01/2025 15:55

Thanks, everyone. I would ask but it feels grabby

Why does it??

Your birthday was two months ago and Xmas was one month ago. Your gift, which was for both, hasn't arrived yet.

What's the point of a gift that's so unfeasibly late??

Ask your h where it is. If he gets shifty, ask him if he ordered it at all. I'd be v upset and annoyed.

If he hasn't ordered anything, he has lied to you.

Original poster

Itsaswelltime · 30/01/2025 06:08

Thanks, everyone. I read your posts and they really help. I don’t know what to say.

OP posts:

Derbee · 30/01/2025 12:57

Say “DH, you know you said my birthday present was on the way… do you know when it’s meant to arrive?”

If he says anything other than a reasonable response, I think you have a bigger problem, and your husband is an arsehole.

It’s really strange to have a present take over a month to arrive, so he should have already communicated about it with you, never mind just being able to be asked about it.

What are the issues with your husband/in your marriage OP?

WilfredsPies · 30/01/2025 15:41

Itsaswelltime · 29/01/2025 15:55

Thanks, everyone. I would ask but it feels grabby

I don’t think that there is a gift. He can’t be thinking that the hideous but expensive gift he bought you for Christmas IS the combined gift, because he told you about the combined gift on Christmas Day, so would have known he had the hideous gift to give you.

I would say to him ‘You know that combined gift you told me was on the way? It’s fine if you couldn’t afford it, or were meaning to get it when things are a bit better financially, but I just wanted to know so that I’m not excitedly ambushing the postman each day to see if he has a package for me’

If he coughs to not having ordered you anything, then you can react accordingly. But at this point, the only gift it could realistically be is a handsewn quilt or crocheted blanket.

mewkins · 31/01/2025 15:53

Itsaswelltime · 30/01/2025 06:08

Thanks, everyone. I read your posts and they really help. I don’t know what to say.

I think that after almost a month it is fair to ask outright where it is. It's not grabby at all. Why do you feel like you shouldn't expect a gift from your partner? Also, he's told you hes bought you one.

Original poster

Itsaswelltime · 06/03/2025 22:40

As it’s been 3 months, I asked him and there is no gift. He did admit it and did apologise (Good grief how fucking low is my bar). Mumsnet FTW

OP posts:

Needanewname42 · 07/03/2025 00:10

WTF, he's an arse he was hoping you'd forget. For get his next birthday. Buy yourself something nice instead

OldChairMan · 07/03/2025 00:14

That is such shitty behaviour on his part. He didn't just not get you a gift, he lied and strung you along. He had every chance to actually order something as it was going to be late anyway.

This can't be his only inadequate behaviour? Raise that bar.

crockofshite · 07/03/2025 00:14

send a message..please tell me when you have posted (sent) the gift and I'll look.out for it. Looking forward to seeing you soon ...

crockofshite · 07/03/2025 00:16

oops, I've just read your update. What a knob.

WilfredsPies · 07/03/2025 06:59

I’m so sorry. You must be feeling quite a combination of emotions right now, none of which will be pleasant. Does he have any understanding of just how disappointed you are in him? I don’t really understand why he’d have made the whole thing up, especially when he got you the horrible expensive thing after you’d agreed on no gifts, so that could have been the combined gift? What was the point in lying?

Have you had any thoughts about whether you’re going to do anything yet? I’m not jumping to LTB (unless this is the straw that broke the camel’s back) but maybe matching energy? Or some marriage guidance counselling to try and get it through to him that he needs to pull his socks up in that department? Whatever you decide on, I hope he really understands how hurt you feel and just how much he has fucked up.

mewkins · 07/03/2025 09:20

Itsaswelltime · 06/03/2025 22:40

As it’s been 3 months, I asked him and there is no gift. He did admit it and did apologise (Good grief how fucking low is my bar). Mumsnet FTW

This is such crap behaviour from him. Did he mention what the gift should have been or did he completely make up that he'd thought of and bought a gift?
Did he apologise and then spout some BS about how stressed he's been lately etc?

And lastly...do you have plans to leave this relationship?

BellissimoGecko · 07/03/2025 09:21

WilfredsPies · 07/03/2025 06:59

I’m so sorry. You must be feeling quite a combination of emotions right now, none of which will be pleasant. Does he have any understanding of just how disappointed you are in him? I don’t really understand why he’d have made the whole thing up, especially when he got you the horrible expensive thing after you’d agreed on no gifts, so that could have been the combined gift? What was the point in lying?

Have you had any thoughts about whether you’re going to do anything yet? I’m not jumping to LTB (unless this is the straw that broke the camel’s back) but maybe matching energy? Or some marriage guidance counselling to try and get it through to him that he needs to pull his socks up in that department? Whatever you decide on, I hope he really understands how hurt you feel and just how much he has fucked up.

This.

Think of how excited you were, and how you looked forward to the gift, and now how disappointed you are. Your h is an unfeeling, uncaring, lazy, unkind tit.

What are you going to do?

Original poster

Itsaswelltime · 07/03/2025 11:08

Thank you everyone for replying and being so supportive. It really means a huge amount

OP posts:

Needanewname42 · 07/03/2025 19:30

It's the stringing you along. Knowing you're too polite to ask. Hoping you'd forget. That's mean.

onwardsup4 · 07/03/2025 21:18

Needanewname42 · 07/03/2025 19:30

It's the stringing you along. Knowing you're too polite to ask. Hoping you'd forget. That's mean.

Yep, or knowing full well she's too polite to ask. I can't believe you let it go that long without asking OP!