Page 2 | Most self centred SIL...How to deal with her?!

Sunshinekim · 2024-12-26T21:11:23+00:00

At my in laws for a few days as we do every year and sick to the back teeth of my self centred, competitive sister in law. It's all about her, not one question about how I am or my new job, or what my kids have been upto! Every conversation is about her and her life and her kids. When my son said what he got for Christmas, it's all 'oh well her daughter got bikes last Christmas, and will have to get new crocs for their birthday' Why is it always a competition! How do I deal with her? I really don't want to spend Christmas with them again and avoid for the rest of the year!

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 29/12/2024 10:00

Literally treat her as a 7 yr old as that sound like how emotionally mature she is.

It sounds stupid but i do this with my mil and it makes things a lot easier.
My expectations have totally realigned.

MDTdottyT · 29/12/2024 10:09

I get this had a " friend" like this once.

OptimisticRealist2024 · 29/12/2024 10:12

@Sunshinekim I feel your pain, I'm facing a day-long family gathering today with SIL. She's my husband's brother's wife - which I only mention because my own brothers' wives are amazing. It appears not all SILs are psychopaths.

Absolutely dreading it because she's tried to out-compete me at everything forever -- the carat of our engagement rings (!!), every minor decision about my wedding, my job, our home, my feelings about having children. She has a way of winding me up that makes me want to stab my own eyeballs with a fork just to change the subject. I used to bite back and just try to win but she'd just bring in more and more curveballs until I had no idea what her fucking point was and I'd walk away.

Today is the first time I've seen her since April and she's just found out I'm expecting a baby. She already has four kids and I took a long time to decide if I wanted to start a family so she's been on at me for years about how "all women want to be mothers" so fully expect the "I told you so" levels to be through the roof.

Bracing myself for the news that my pregnancy will have been less difficult than her four pregnancies, and to be challenged on our decisions re: car seats, birth choices. If we could raise this child without her finding out for 18 years, I fucking would.

My usual strategy is to:

avoid her and talk to other people at gatherings
not to give her ammunition - give her zero details about anything at all
give her one-word answers - she doesn't have a sense of humour, we're beyond sarky responses now
be polite to her in front of her kids
use my DH as a human shield - he can usually tell when I'm about to bite
hide in the loo a lot
imagine her spending every morning stepping on upturned plugs.

Hope you find the inner strength not to shove a satsuma up her nose.

MyLimeGuide · 29/12/2024 10:38

Fairyliz · 29/12/2024 08:06

But don’t you actually find most people are like this nowadays?
I noticed it a few years ago and tested it out by not saying anything about my life and seeing who asked me anything, very few people did.
I do think it’s the way conversations have changed, instead of asking a question and listening to the reply, people launch into a story about themselves.

Show quote history

Yeah most people are like this and you can't choose in laws or family if they were your choice you wouldn't be hanging with them so you have to pick one of the options laid out in this thread. The PA option would be great if you want your life to be like an American sitcom personally I wouldn't be brave enough! Just ignore her or even better indulge her - to be an extra kind human because let's face it people with morals like this are usually shallow and insecure and should be pitied this is all she has!! Stuff!!!

MyLimeGuide · 29/12/2024 10:41

OptimisticRealist2024 · 29/12/2024 10:12

@Sunshinekim I feel your pain, I'm facing a day-long family gathering today with SIL. She's my husband's brother's wife - which I only mention because my own brothers' wives are amazing. It appears not all SILs are psychopaths.

Absolutely dreading it because she's tried to out-compete me at everything forever -- the carat of our engagement rings (!!), every minor decision about my wedding, my job, our home, my feelings about having children. She has a way of winding me up that makes me want to stab my own eyeballs with a fork just to change the subject. I used to bite back and just try to win but she'd just bring in more and more curveballs until I had no idea what her fucking point was and I'd walk away.

Today is the first time I've seen her since April and she's just found out I'm expecting a baby. She already has four kids and I took a long time to decide if I wanted to start a family so she's been on at me for years about how "all women want to be mothers" so fully expect the "I told you so" levels to be through the roof.

Bracing myself for the news that my pregnancy will have been less difficult than her four pregnancies, and to be challenged on our decisions re: car seats, birth choices. If we could raise this child without her finding out for 18 years, I fucking would.

My usual strategy is to:

avoid her and talk to other people at gatherings
not to give her ammunition - give her zero details about anything at all
give her one-word answers - she doesn't have a sense of humour, we're beyond sarky responses now
be polite to her in front of her kids
use my DH as a human shield - he can usually tell when I'm about to bite
hide in the loo a lot
imagine her spending every morning stepping on upturned plugs.

Hope you find the inner strength not to shove a satsuma up her nose.

Let her win. Then peacefully move on with your life

TheBluntTurtle · 29/12/2024 10:47

There is one in every family OP. The best thing you can do is just tune her out - respond minimally and focus on interacting with others/ your own kids. You can’t change her behaviour and she has shown that she’s not interested in you/ your kids so focus your effort on someone who is interested.

TheBluntTurtle · 29/12/2024 10:56

OptimisticRealist2024 · 29/12/2024 10:12

@Sunshinekim I feel your pain, I'm facing a day-long family gathering today with SIL. She's my husband's brother's wife - which I only mention because my own brothers' wives are amazing. It appears not all SILs are psychopaths.

Absolutely dreading it because she's tried to out-compete me at everything forever -- the carat of our engagement rings (!!), every minor decision about my wedding, my job, our home, my feelings about having children. She has a way of winding me up that makes me want to stab my own eyeballs with a fork just to change the subject. I used to bite back and just try to win but she'd just bring in more and more curveballs until I had no idea what her fucking point was and I'd walk away.

Today is the first time I've seen her since April and she's just found out I'm expecting a baby. She already has four kids and I took a long time to decide if I wanted to start a family so she's been on at me for years about how "all women want to be mothers" so fully expect the "I told you so" levels to be through the roof.

Bracing myself for the news that my pregnancy will have been less difficult than her four pregnancies, and to be challenged on our decisions re: car seats, birth choices. If we could raise this child without her finding out for 18 years, I fucking would.

My usual strategy is to:

avoid her and talk to other people at gatherings
not to give her ammunition - give her zero details about anything at all
give her one-word answers - she doesn't have a sense of humour, we're beyond sarky responses now
be polite to her in front of her kids
use my DH as a human shield - he can usually tell when I'm about to bite
hide in the loo a lot
imagine her spending every morning stepping on upturned plugs.

Hope you find the inner strength not to shove a satsuma up her nose.

god she sounds like my SIL. Good luck today @OptimisticRealist2024 - remember you can always pop on here for some relief/ ranting! Congrats on your pregnancy too!

sunights · 29/12/2024 11:12

Remind yourself that people do this because they is insecure and socially anxious.

As others have said, offer her silence.

Oldestfortnitebloke · 29/12/2024 12:06

How do you compete with people who buy Crocs for Birthday presents?

Original poster

Sunshinekim · 29/12/2024 23:22

HWDDHOH · 29/12/2024 09:47

Try and be a bit more resilient and less occupied by somebody else's behaviour.

I definitely need to do this...I let it get to me this time and had a moan at DH saying we won't be visiting next year, but then would be a shame for the kids to not see the rest of the family!

OP posts:

Original poster

Sunshinekim · 29/12/2024 23:31

Thank you all for your advice, and sorry to those who have a similar SIL..I feel your pain! @OptimisticRealist2024 I hope you are surviving!
I wish I was brave enough to be passive aggressive just to see her face, but was just ignoring her comments as I could...but really annoyed me when she does it to my kids, she barely let him speak before she went on about herself and dd!
Will be trying to avoid for the rest of the year!

OP posts: