Family haven't spent christmas with me for 10 years

[Jadeeeeey]

I haven't spent christmas with family for 10 years now and I live a 10 minute drive from them
my mum had another child later on so she just either spends it with her partner and child, her parents and once my sister asked and she said yes so they all spent christmas together last year
i suppose I'm down about it this year because I've now had a child and this is her first christmas.
i asked if they wanted to come christmas day but said no or even boxing day but they have plans.
My dad spends it with his wife and her kids who are older and has never invited us neither.
I'm little upset by it as I just don't think it will ever happen.
Does anyone have any tips on how to just basically get over it so it doesnt ruin Christmas Day
Thanks

I'm so sorry you have such a horrid family. You deserve better. Sound like they are toxic & you are better off without them.

Make your own Christmas traditions.

At least there's 2 of you.

Happy Christmas Jadeeeeey and little Jadeeeeey! 👑

You don't know it yet, but you have the biggest gift of all. A beautiful child and the experiences that make sure you will never take her for granted.
Your child has the gift of growing up with a lovely mum who will be there for her, and care for her, and minds how she feels and makes things special for her. Lucky little girl.

I don't have any of that going on for me and never have, so I had to figure out how to create it for mine, and that is what you do with this, you use it to make sure your child has a very different story from you.
Many of us have no experience of anything good to offer our children, so it's fake it till you make it time, but also know you have the freedom to offer them a world without complicated toxic relationships going on around them.

I'm not religious but can highly recommend your local CofE church's Christmas day service for a sense of companionship, belonging and not feeling like the only one in your position. Consider chucking a tinsel halo on her and turning up. I found others there who like me grew up in horrible situations and wanted better for their children, and made friends with them.

You hold the biggest gift of all, a lovely child and the ability to start over with them and surround them with love no matter what wasn't done for you or was done to you. Look at what you have, not what you don't and make your child's day a happy memorable one. IME it will bring you happiness too.
I hope you both have a lovely day. x

Everyone has the image of a wonderful family together, laughing and having a beautiful day. Facebook reels will be full of them.

However, the reality will be stressed people stuck in a pressure cooker of a day.

Externally, I look like I will be having a wonderful day but really, I will not be able to wait until everyone goes home and I can have some peace. My side of the family are a bit disjointed and I'll be hosting for in-laws as usual. They are lovely but tbh Xmas day is a bit much.

You will have a wonderful day with your little one. Do you have a partner OP? Think of some really nice simple things to do.

Actually, can I not do the madness next year and join you instead? 😊

Merry Christmas @Jadeeeeey ,
I also have a dysfunctional family.
So I was usually on my own with my son.
So I created my own day.
Plan the day in loose sections: Morning, Afternoon, Evening.
You could fit in the following where you like:

• Opening presents;
• Going to a church service;
• Making Xmas lunch/dinner;
• Making Xmas cookies/gingerbread men, etc.
• Putting on a Xmas songs playlist on in the background all day;
• Watching your favourite Xmas movies;
• Snacking on what you like.
• Texting pics and/or lovely notes to your friends wishing them a happy Xmas.
• Anything else you can think of.

When you have a moment where you’re feeling sad or even tearful, just breathe through it and go on to the next activity.

I had some Muslim friends at the time (as they don’t celebrate Xmas) so I invited their children over sometimes so my son wouldn’t feel so alone.

Something I’ve been doing for a few years now is hosting a pre-Xmas dinner with 1 or 2 or 3 of my friends (including their kids) starting from around 2/3pm so that when the 25th Dec comes around, I felt like I had my Xmas already. You still have time to do that in the festive period (until 1st Jan).

Make it great. ✨You have the power to do so. Just because there’s only 2 of you, it doesn’t make Xmas any less valid (although you may feel like it sometimes). Keep remembering that it’s about love and connection, appreciation and gratitude rather than the nuclear family.

You’ll have a beautiful Xmas.

Good luck
xXx

Yes luckily im married :) but hes estranged from his family through his choice.
So its just use 3

My way of getting through it, is keeping busy, light x2 fires, keep coal on, cook breakfast and lunch. I quickly cleaned the bathroom today.

We exchanged gifts, and focus on the randomness of them, rather than if they are good/correct. The novelty is what matters. Be generous to others, even if they are not generous back. It makes you feel good.

I think you got some great advice I the previous posts about creating your new community. People who are good for YOU. Kind people with no agendas.

I like some text groups to send the silly updates too. Even do it in my family group, even though some of the members are the toxic bunch.

Its only 1 day, over tomorrow, don't overthink it. Xxx

Happy Christmas to you and your little one xx