When do you cut spending on adult DC presents ?

[sogsandogs]

I stress about this every year

I have DS 24 (autistic and mental health issues - lives independentally but relies on PIP mostly for his income. (Also has a bio dad that gives £££ for Xmas gift.

DS 22 - lives at home, earns well from his own business

DD 17 - fully dependent on us but does have a part time job now

When they were young I kept everything very equal - spend and "pile size"

This year youngest has a big pile of "stuff"

Other two has moderate pile of nice things and will have cash

I can't decide whether to continue to keep spend equal. Or if youngest gets more and older 2 equally less.

How do others manage this?

My kids are 19, 21 and 23. The youngest two are at uni. One has two jobs. The other not. The eldest has a job. I spend the same on all of them and it turns out I've spent the same this year as I did last year.

Thank you - and is the spend the same, more and less than when they were all "kids"?

I'm not sure about this either. We have 3 dc. Oldest will be 18 on Xmas day. I think when they are earning independently ie your oldest 2 children - then it should be reduced.

Dd has a big gift this year as she will be 18 but I will definately not get her so much next year

Mine are last year of sixth form and second year of uni. Both have p/t jobs. My spend on them has increased this year if anything. I'm not planning on reducing spend tbh.

Last year was the same as this. Year before was £30 more and year before that was £7 More than this year. No reason for it. Just what I spent for what they said they would like plus what I chose.

The only “fair” way to do this seems to be either spending the same on them all, however much that is, or having a cut off age when you do start spending less on them… but if you’re eldest is 24 and you’ve spent the same on them thus far, you’ve probably got to set that age to at least 25, which seems quite random to stop at.

I’ve got some friends whose parents dropped to giving them one main present when they turned 18, and others that still get a fair amount. It gets more expensive when partners and grandchildren are involved, too.

Also, they all had one Christmas where I blew the budget and they got something very very special and expensive. Except I forgot and my youngest has had that twice 😁

You cut your cloth to suit your general financial circumstances, regardless of their ages as long as it's fair. You can't help it that one child gets more due to Dad.

Ours are 25 and 22. Youngest is back at home after uni and eldest has moved out. We spend roughly the same on each.

What did you give the older 2 when they were also about 17? I'd keep it similar, taking into account inflation, your finances etc. I'm mid 40's and still get gifts from my mum. I don't recall any obvious year when things changed dramatically. Surely its just a gradual less amount spent as children become adults and start earning for themselves? Unless you wanted to change and do a secret santa within the family for example?

I always find it odd when parents spend less on the child that has studied, worked hard and might earn more yet gives far more to the children that have opted out of studying, not tried hard, only work part time for no reason or don't work at all for no reason. I've seen the disparity in my own family- not specifically Christmas gift related, but in day to day life.

Mine are 15,20 and 25

Eldest two work full time earning decent money and youngest has a summer weekend job.

They all get equal in terms of money and main presents and they all also still get a stocking filled with practical smaller gifts which they all love getting.

My parents stopped stockings when we were 16 and major main presents stopped at 18

Mine are 26 and 18 and I spend the same as I always have. Equal on both - give or take of course

Same for stockings and other bits and pieces

I don't really keep a tally of who gets what. I just buy what they want or what I think they will like. No one really cares.

Mine are in their twenties, I still do stockings!