I’m sorry you’re having a tough time, I think Christmas brings a lot of emotions to the surface because it’s so nostalgic and there are so many expectations about what it ‘should’ be like.
Some things that I’ve really enjoyed doing with my toddler this year include:
- Decorating a gingerbread house (I recommend pre assembling it yourself because the icing takes ages to dry and they’re not very patient. I gave him the house and let him go mad with icing and sweets)
- Christmas treasure hunt. I printed a list of different Christmas things and then we went for a walk to see if we could spot them (I did an outdoors nature version and an indoors mall version).
- Christmas shopping and a hot chocolate. I took him on a trip to the shops and let him choose the presents that he wanted to buy for people. He was surprisingly thoughtful for a 2 year old, then we went for hot chocolate afterwards.
- Decorating the tree, we did the main tree together but I also bought him a another very small one and some cheap/unbreakable decorations and he likes to rearrange the decorations himself.
- Our local cinema does showings of Christmas films so I’ve booked a ticket for us to go. You could see if there are any similar events near you.
- We go on a walk/drive one evening to see all the Christmas decorations and lights (quite a few people in our town decorate outside their house).
- My son is a massive fan of sticker books so I bought him a Christmas themed one and some other craft bits and we made Christmas cards and decorations (he particularly loved making a snow globe out of an old Nutella jar and some glitter/water/a small plastic figure)
- We have a really nice book about Christmas traditions around the world. He loves reading it and we choose some of the traditions to try ourselves.
- We’re having some friends over this weekend and we’ll all go for a walk together before coming back and watching a Christmas film with Christmassy snacks (I really like socializing, but I totally understand that for a lot of people this sounds exhausting rather than fun!)
I love the previous suggestion of trying to incorporate some of the things you used to do with your mum as a way of including her and her memory in a positive way.
However, I also wouldn’t feel the need to do loads of stuff unless it’s something that you actually want to do. Most kids do loads of stuff at school/nursery so they don’t miss out if you have a more relaxed time at home.
In terms of you looking after yourself, your best bet is to try not to let all the planning and prep bleed into your down time. Having 2 small kids is exhausting so once they’re in bed try to have some time when you can wind down too.
I’ve treated myself to a new book and an early Christmas present of my favourite bath bubbles, chocolates and gin. Once the kids are in bed and the house is tidy(ish), I have a bath and read my book.
I also don’t do any Christmas traditions that don’t work for us or just cause extra stress (no elf, no busy Christmas markets, I don’t send Christmas cards, I only bake with the kids).
Do you have a partner who can give you a break for a couple of hours if you’re feeling down and need a break from excited children?
Don’t feel any pressure to feel any differently to how you actually feel, it can be a really hard time of year. Treat yourself and be kind to yourself but if you feel sad or miss your mum then that’s normal and ok.
It sounds like you’re a lovely mum and doing lovely things for your kids, that’s what they’ll remember.