Co parenting gift giving etiquette

[TooManyAnimals94]

Help me out - am I horrible, thoutless gift giver/receiver or am I the normal one?

I share a three year old daughter with ex husband. He's very much involved in her life and does two overnights a week. He lives with a new partner. I also have a partner of a year. We don't live together but our children have had playdates.

In previous years, the gifts 'from' our daughter to each other have been token gifts for £10 or under. The first year I was just presented with a bag of haribo 🙄 so I went shopping with our daughter and she chose some luxury hot chocolate (mainly because she liked the pretty tin) and I helped her make a card. I've just dropped her off with him and have been handed a large bag of gifts including one for the dog! There is a handmade bauble from his partner as well.

This follows on from a strange conversation with my partner about his ex getting me something...I've never even met the woman!

So I can boost ex husbands present with a bottle of wine or something but now I feel under pressure to buy gifts for two women, one of which I say a polite hello to every few months and one I don't know at all!

They're being OTT aren't they?

Ex husband can share the bottle of wine with his new partner just put it to both of them

The ex of your new current partner i can't work out at all. Don't bother getting her something. It's weird she is getting for you

It’s not weird it’s called being friendly, mature and civil. She wants a cordial relationship with you which can only benefit your ex’s daughter. Only on mumsnet could this be a bad thing.

I get DDs dad, girlfriend and toddler a gift. I've never met the girlfriend but she sounds nice and DD likes spending time with her and her extended family and they treat her like family and all buy gifts for her which I appreciate.

It doesn't have to be extreme though, I normally get them a box of nice (Supermarket) chocolate like Lindt and the tot Duplo / play DOH or a book.

Surely the purpose of gift-giving in your situation is that it's a gift from your daughter to her dad (facilitated by you) or from your daughter to you (facilitated by him). While she's too young to arrange it herself the adult parents make it happen, and when she's old enough you'll give her a bit of money to shop for something herself.

Personally, gifts between the adults are not necessary. It's nice that you all get along - makes for a lovely family environment for the kids involved. But I can't imagine giving my ex a gift from me, and especially couldn't imagine getting a gift for my ex's new partner.

I think you have to strategise here. Either open them early (don't tell them) and assess what they are and reciprocate in kind.
OR
Get gifts to them but from your DC. So small/homemade/random all fine. I think this would be my strategy as its the one I would be most comfortable continuing in the future.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing exactly (I'm not sure about my partner's ex as she can be quite overbearing apparently)

But ex husband was with his partner last Christmas and there was no gift from her so I think I'm just taken aback and don't want to offend! She is very good to my daughter and includes her in a lot of family activities so maybe it's an oversight on my part that I haven't thought of something before now.

YANBU. They're being weird.

When he was little I would give my ds £10 and take him shopping so he could choose something for his dad. I would help him wrap it.

Once he was old enough to have a bank card and regular pocket money, I simply took him into town and let him get on with it. I would provide sticky tape & scissors.

I wouldn't dream of buying something for ex's new woman. That's just not healthy. We have nothing in common, don't ever see each other and live 85 miles apart. She is not relevant to me. And she has no care of ds who is too old to need any help.

I don't want to raise my son, teaching him he has some sort of obligation to random people.

If he wants the women in his life to have gifts, he should buy them, from him or your daughter. You don't need to do anything more than you are.