What do you get adult children

[Frenchie01]

Hi so I have DD18 lives at home apprentice hairdresser, DS 22 lives his own place and DS 25 living at home both sons working so they all have their own income and none of them have any children. Have got the boys nice socks boxers, aftershave, chocolate, candles, books and a nice top or two each, DD again underwear, dressing gown, chocolate, perfume heated hair styling tool. Works out DD gets about 15 things wrapped up and boys maybe 10 or 12 as they're a bit older than her. Does this sound like enough or would you maybe give some money as well. I understand its different when kids are little and get lots of toys in big boxes, it looks like they get so much more. I just feel like I'm letting them down a bit but I am trying to focus more on the actual meaning of Xmas this year for example going to midnight mass and DD and I are volunteering at the homeless shelter on Xmas day. Just to clarify none of them ask for anything really it's just me and the way I think.

it sounds fine to me. You don’t say whether the boys contribute at home so that would make a difference too. If you want to buy them anything else I would suggest vouchers but you don’t need to. As you say, they are grown up. What will they buy you?

We give ours some money and a stocking.

Only one son lives at home and pays 50 pound a week board he's 25 works full time, Daughter is still on apprenticeship wages for another few months and has a car to pay for so she dosnt pay anything yet.

I grew up that you get more if you are still in education/training as the income is a lot less than a sibling who works full time.

i often got practical stuff I wouldn't spend my money on plus some books or perfume.

I ask them what they want. Then I get one main present, usually something like branded jeans or boots or bag or similar of their choice. And then surprise extras similar to yours: books, socks, toiletries. 8 ish in total, so I think your number of presents is plenty.

My adult sons just get money. That's quite enough.

My adult sons just get money. That's quite enough.

Sounds perfectly fine to me 🙂

You've already got them a huge amount of stuff, OP - 15 presents! I've never known anyone buy so much for one person. In future, just one thing will be fine or, if they're saving for something like a car or flat, a donation to their fund.

I think it is more than fine. I do think though that at their age I'd slowly cut back on the padding of 'lots of things to unwrap' that's more for children, I would expect in their 20s to focus on a main gift rather than things like candles and underwear.
What does your DH parents give him? I'm assuming at a certain point you might find it weird if she showered him in stocking filler gifts?
I guess it might feel different if they are both single and you know they won't get gifts elsewhere. And you don't sound like you have spent silly amounts so if you are all happy then it's fine, maybe they like a pile rather than 1 more expensive but rather sad and lonely box 😅

I would have find it very odd to be gifted underwear (socks are fine) from my parents though. It's a pretty personal choice.

5 adult DD's here. I ask mine for lists around November time. I then select from their lists - sometimes they get everything they've asked for if it's not too ouchy. The list also acts as a guide as to what they're in to at the time so sometimes I can happily go "off piste" and they get a few surprises related to things they've asked for too. Everyone's happy with this method and I don't worry that I'm getting it wrong. Try not to worry - in my experience it's more about quality family time and nice food - that's what my lot appreciate most.

Money and small bits

Adult DD here. We used to do a secret Santa but we don't do gifts anymore as my siblings and I are all at the point where we can buy anything that we'd put on a secret santa list. Instead we each put £100ish into a family day out somewhere in the new year. Our parents still buy gifts for the grandchildren.